Players always play

Loving you

Kylies POV
    The only thing I regret is loving you he says those words keep replaying in my head as Jake drove me home. After Michael walked off I felt a piece of me shatter if that's possible. Tears ran down my face as Jake placed me in the car and he said he was going to take me home and told me he called Derek. He regretted loving me. I don't blame him, I'm a wreck but to hear him confirm the thoughts that have racked my brain for weeks stung. Jake carried me out the car and somehow managed to get my door open.
            Everything was blurry as Jake placed me on my bed. Can you get dressed he asked placing clothes onto my lap. I didn't move I didn't know how to answer. Can I help you he ask pleading look. I nodded yes. I felt numb, the same numb I felt four months ago before Michael had come into my life. Another person walked into the room, Kylie he says, Derek. Has she said anything he asks Jake like I wasn't there but I wasn't there I just sat there. In a way feeling like Bella from New Moon. No I believe Jake answered I'll stay with her Derek says Alright let me know if she comes around, needs anything or if you do he says before leaving. Bye Kylie he says Derek laid me down and hugged me close and I sobbed. Sobbed like the time Toby had left my life. But this pain I felt was different, it was like a reopened wound and something snapped in me. I felt it, I felt truly broken.
                At some point in the night I had fallen to sleep, no dreams and waking up to Dereks snoring wasn't the highlight of my day. I sat up and Derek too analyzing me from laying down. He promised I spoke my voice being hoarse from all the crying I had done. He promised he would never hurt me and that's just what he did I say tears forming in my eyes. We can skip school today, Jenna wants to go shopping he says I nodded yes to please him but truly I didn't want to go and see Michael or the entire student body notice how broken I had become letting someone in once again. I got dressed and headed out but not before dumping vodka into my hydro flask to go. And yes it was 10 in the morning and yes I was reverting to old ways but that Kylie saved me from this exact hurt.
              Derek didn't comment on it and surprisingly neither did Jenna. The mall wasn't crowded at all and actually wasn't too bad at the same token I was half way through my flask. The day went quick and the next one did as well considering I skipped again. I was getting over loving him.
       I looked up ways to get over an ex and one of the ideas were to write down your love for
That person and to burn it or to give it to the person you loved. So I began.
         Loving you, loving you was a fresh awakening from a slumber I was forced into long ago. It was blind and sudden and consumed every fragment of my heart that was left from the last. Loving you wasn't anything I planned and it was short lived. You always made me laugh and were always there for times I couldn't be there for myself. Your anger I had never seen and it scared me but parts of me could've even loved you for that. You were selfless and always wanted to do the right thing by me, I loved you for that for always having my back even my toxic stuff.
I stopped writing as a tear hit the page and headed to sleep tomorrow I go to school.
         When I woke up I dreaded what was to come but knowing I had to go to school was no way I could skip it again. I got dressed in my ripped jeans and crop top and leather jacket. I decided to ride my motorcycle to school today after all I am the player again. I sighed at that thought but shook away the tears. In my bag I had the letter but decided to keep it for myself debating whether to burn it or give it to you. Arriving at school was nothing I could've prepared myself for. All eyes looked to
Me as I took off my helmet but thank god for my best friends that showed up by my side instantly. 
                 So Ms. Burch asked for you yesterday Jenna says giggling I think she missed you Derek adds Yeah yeah I say rolling my eyes when I walked in though she gave me a brief smile and went back to her hard expression. Well that lasted a whole ten seconds I whisper to Derek. And then he walked in. He looked fine and a part of me wanted to see that he had been a wreck as much as I have. He sat two seats ahead of me and not once glanced back. Derek looked towards me but I whispered I'm good, not wanting to draw attention towards the situation. Class went on and I was headed to lunch. Oh shit I forgot a book I said to Jenna I'll meet you there I say heading back to my locker. As I was walking a door flew open and knocked me to my ass ouch I say rubbing my head. I'm sorry a voice says Of course it's be you I say looking up to Michael putting a hand out for me to get up. I ignored it and got up anyways without his help. Can we talk he says nervously fiddling with his hands. Why ? I ask bitterly. I want to apologize, I was jealous and wrong he says Yeah you were but that doesn't fix everything I say You think you could
Apologize and everything go back to how it was I ask 
           No but I don't think giving up on us is worth it he says Why you seem fine I say No I'm not in a wreck I can't sleep and every where I look you're there and when you didn't show up for school I got so scared that you had done something but Derek had told me you were fine he says There it is I say There it is what he asks That, you're so scared of what I'll do and worry about me that you stopped treating me like the friend we once were and then you snapped at me coldly and you regret loving me that's not something you just say and think you could apologize for and we go back I say
         But I don't he says I just said it cause I was angry I regret saying it he says Well you can regret that for the rest of your life I say and walk away. It hurt me but I wasn't about to let him back in my life after he pulled that he needed to try harder or he lost me forever.