Control The Game (COMPLETED)

Chapter 52

Nang huminto ang sasakyan, sabay kaming lumabas. Sabay kaming naglakad ng walang nagsasalita hanggang huminto kami sa harap ng isang mausoleum.

I looked at him first.

"Papa said he told you that he'd have... our baby's remains transferred here." Iñigo nodded. "Sorry kung hindi ako naka-tulong," I continued. I was still in a chemically induced coma nang ilibing nila iyong baby...

Siguro kaya ganoon na lang ang bungad sa akin ni Iñigo nang magising ako. I couldn't imagine him burying his own child... And I wasn't even there to comfort him.

Binuksan ko ang pinto at sabay kaming tumayo sa harap kung saan naka-libing iyong baby namin. He or she didn't even have a name yet...

"Alam mo ba kung babae o lalaki?" tanong ko sa kanya.

"Lalaki," sagot niya.

I gently bobbed my head. "Gusto mo bang bigyan natin ng pangalan?" I asked. I looked at him and I caught him looking at me. "I'm sorry kung ngayon lang kita naka-usap."

"Are you okay now?" he asked.

"No," I replied.

"Cha... I'm sorry—"

"Enough with the apologies, Iñigo."

Umiling siya. "No... Gusto kong humingi ng tawad. Nakapag-isip na ako. Alam ko na maling-mali iyong ginawa ko... Na kakagising mo pa lang at iyon agad ang sinabi ko—"

I cut him off. "I was told na kaka-balik mo pa lang nun sa libing ng baby natin. Naiintindihan ko."

Silence engulfed us again.

Would we ever get over this?

The death of our first child?

"Gusto ko pa ring magsorry..."

"Please stop apologizing," I pleaded.

"But I want to apologize for not thinking about you—"

"You don't always have to think about me, Iñigo. You were hurting. It's okay for you to think about yourself first."

Muli siyang umiling. "No. I was wrong on that. I acknowledge that I was wrong. I shouldn't have said those words—"

"But you meant them all," I said, cutting him off. His lips slightly parted. I looked directly at him. "You meant every word. You're scared of me. You always ask me first before doing anything. Kahit sa simpleng kung ano ang kakainin natin, kung saan tayo pupunta, kung ano ang gagawin natin—all the decisions, the big and the small ones, they depended on me... on what I want... It's always been like that."

"I'm not scared of you—I'm in love with you," he said, looking directly into my eyes. "Those are just small things, Cha. I can live with that. And if living with those small changes means that I can have you in my life, then I'm good with it."

Umiling ako.

"I'm not okay with it," I told him. "That's not how it should work—"

"Wala namang manual sa ganito, Cha. Masaya ako sa ginagawa ko. Masaya ako na pinagbibigyan ka. Maliliit na bagay lang 'yun... Okay lang naman sa 'kin... 'Yung kay Jax... Isang beses lang 'yun... 'Yun lang 'yung hiniling ko na sumama 'yung loob ko dahil hindi ka sumunod... Pero sa ibang bagay, wala akong pakielam. Okay lang sa akin kung saan mo gustong tumira, kung saan mo gustong mamasyal, kung saan mo gustong magbakasyon—those things I can live with. Maliit na bagay lang 'yun, Cha. Ikaw lang naman 'yung importante sa 'kin."

I pursed my lips and drew a deep breath.

"Let's not fight in front of our... son, okay?"

Napa-tingin din siya sa libingan at marahang tumango.