soul switch│ j.jk ✔

f o r t y

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j u n g k o o k ;

as i turned 'round a corner where i know matsuoka won't see me, i stopped dead on my tracks and thought of what the fuck i did.
my head hurts so badly i wanted to ram my head on the concrete wall.

'why the hell did i do that?'

why did i do that? out of all people, why matsuoka? i knew i shouldn't be doing those kinds of stuff but-WHY?
most of the time, i should be cringing at these kind of lowkey flirting but one, i am not flirting with that woman, two, i am not cringing, and three, why am i not cringing?

my heartbeat is so loud it's invading my ears. i need to calm down. i need to rethink everything and calm the fuck down.
why am i so nervous in the first place? i shouldn't be nervous and irritated and unsure of what's happening since i am used to flirting (again, i am not flirting with matsuoka).

but basically, i am feeling nervous and irritated and unsure.

i took several deep breaths, hoping to calm my nerves down. matsuoka's definitely gonna pay for this. when taehyung comes back, i'm gonna do something she definitely won't forget.

when i got home, i saw her parents sitting by the couch and watching some comedy show. i greeted them both and went staight to the kitchen since i am very freaking hungry from all the schoolworks we did today. the food i saw smelled incredibly good that i actually felt my mouth water. i got a plate and a spoon and fork, got a good amount of rice and ate what her mom cooked to my heart's content.

i won't deny, eru's mom cooks really good.
taehyung must be so lucky to get invited to eat with her and have a meal this delicious.

her mom walked in on me eating heartily. she looked surprised but hid it well.
"you seem to be very hungry, eru," she said as she poured herself a glass of water, "school must've been very tiring today."

i gulped down the food and gave a somehow tired smile (which i am actually feeling).
"oh, yeah. haven't eaten anything yet." i simply replied.

"i know you study tediously but i hope you don't overwork yourself, eru. you might get sick. take care and watch over your health as well." her mom said that made my heart warm, remembering my own mother's words. hearing this kind of words, even if this woman isn't my mom, really makes me happy. it just shows how much parents care the welfare of their children.

huh. not everyone, though.

"thank you, mom." i said before finishing everything and placing it on the kitchen sink. i wanted to wash my own plate but her mom insisted to do it instead.
i was about to go upstairs when i heard eru's name get called by her father.

even if i only saw him a few times, i could say eru's father is terrifying. very formal and strict. straight to the point and nevee missing a beat. never one to joke around when it comes to business related stuff and eru's academic studies. i have never seen this man smile to eru or his mom.
"come over here."

"yes?" i asked, walking towards him.

i sat down beside him as he set his mug down.
"i noticed you have been acting strange, eru. you don't seem like yourself." he said that made me anxious.

what would i say? i can't even look at this man properly because of how sharp he looks at me in the eye! i don't know how eru survived his father's terrifying movements and stares and speaking voice.

"i.. sorry. i'm just really tired from school and homeworks." i said, simplifying everything. whenever eru gets asked like this, what does she even say?

"hmm. i see. well, the reason why i called you here is because of this." his father immediately raised a paper, something that looks familiar to me.

as soon as i saw what's written on it, i felt a shiver ran up my spine as i immediately paled.
"i-"

"i thought you've been studying well? i can clearly see you almost to no score in this." he said in a stern voice i am not used to hearing. my own mom never use this kind of tone on me and hearing this from someone i don't even know scared me a little inside.

"i.. i can explain, dad-" that paper, it was that score i got when we switched bodies and eru got me a high score and i got her a low score. i didn't knew what she did with it. and seeing it right now made me realize she hid it from her father's wrath.

"very disappointing, eru," he said, holding the paper firmly in his hand, "you know you should be studying so you could get scores better than this. you are better than this, eru. you know low scores like this can highly affect your grades."

i had nothing to do but to look down. i felt slightly scared but if eru was in my position, what would she feel? i felt sorry for her, knowing just now how her father overreacted with her first ever low score which, by the way, won't immediately affect her grades and pull it down to hell's last circle.

such a perfectionist father.

"i'm sorry, dad. i promise i won't do it again." i mumbled, still looking down.

her father clicked his tongue several times.
"you've said that to more than three times just this month, eru. i can clearly perceive you are highly neglecting your studies." more than three times? just this month? highly neglecting eru's studies?

clearly this man right here doesn't see how much of an outstanding student eru is in class. clearly this man only looks at eru's results and not the hardwork she puts just to get those good grades. clearly this man is immediately an asshole to me for not appreciating her efforts into studying.

but of course, i have no rights to judge hee father. i just feel irritated with the way he looks at grades and at eru like she's robot created to ace, perfect, and master all of the subjects she's taking. my own mother never looked at me like this. she just continues to support me with my studies even if i am not the smartest in class. she always helps me with my assignment when i can't do it on my own.

but this man right here-GOOD LORD.

"i'm sorry, dad." i couldn't say anything else other than to ask for forgiveness. he looked at me once before looking away.

"go back to your room. you are making my head ache. i don't want this to happen again, eru. do you understand me?"

"yes." i replied and walked away.
when i got to my room, several questions popped in my head. i plopped myself on the bed and stared at the ceiling of her room.

what if eru was here and not me? how would she take her father's words? surely she has been scolded more than once, as was told by her father himself. does eru take her father's words deeply? does she sleep soundly with those kind of words?

all those questions echoing inside my head gave my chest a terrible ache. my chest ached badly as i held onto it.
before i knew it, tears stained my cheeks.
i don't know why.

i am definitely not hurt by her father's words because i'm not her daughter and it doesn't even affect me at all.

but tonight, i feel like crying everything out silently.