A/N this chapter is super super short and I'm super super sorry, but this was probably the hardest part to type just because I can't really relate to the situation. Have an awesome Thanksgiving break if you live in America XD or have an amazing week if you don't. :) I love y'all and thank y'all for everything! xx
Ashton's POV
I hear the faint beeping of an ended call and I can feel my walls breaking.
No
She's gone. My Carmen. My everything.
What have I done? If I just had even an ounce of self-control, she would still be here. She's never coming back now.
What's gonna happen now with everything we planned? New York, seeing her Dad, we even bought a place together, none of that matters now. She hates me. She'll never forgive because I'm a stupid fuck up that never deserved her in the first place.
I don't deserve anyone.
I deserve to die alone or just go back to what I use to do, fuck girls that I didn't even know the names of.
She was everything to me. She taught me there's more to life than beating people up, drinking and smoking up all my money. Even though she wasn't the perfect person either, she was to me. All her tattoos, piercings, scars, messy hair, put together hair, naked face, full face of makeup, when she would wear my clothes or when she would dress up. She was beautiful at her best times and even the worse of them. She trusted me and I fucked it up again...and again...and again.
What do I have to do to get her back? She's probably already found someone that treats her better than I ever could.
Just the thought of Carmen being happier with someone else, sends me over the edge. I take a swift punch at the wall, leaving a huge hole. That didn't make me feel any better.
All this shit is my fault. It's always my fault and always has been. It's just, I thought I changed. I thought I could actually act like a normal human, for my sake and Carmen's even.
The feeling I have right now is unexplainable. It's almost like a swirling pit of despair and hopelessness sucking me in by the second. I wouldn't wish this feeling on my greatest enemy. The best thing that ever happen to me is gone. The worst part is that I might never see her again. It's her choice if she wanted to move back or not and now she has a reason to stay.
You stupid fucking idiot! You asshole! You don't deserve anyone.
You don't deserve anyone.
You don't deserve anyone.
You don't deserve anyone.
You did this to yourself, Ashton.
YOU ARE READING
New Kid: Ashton Irwin
FanfictionHe puts out the cigarette in the tray and I notice cuts on his wrists. I don't know if I should ask him or not. If I do, I know he'll get defensive, but if I don't I'll be wishing I did. He catches me staring and moves his bracelets to cover them up...
