New Kid: Ashton Irwin

Chapter 8

I help Ashton into the passenger seat and buckle him in. I've only driven once and I crashed into a street light.

"You can do it...okay?" He puts his sweaty hand on my shoulder and tells me. I gently close the door and stride to the other side of the car. Sitting behind the wheel feels powerful and dangerous at the same time.

"Ash, I can't do it." I hyperventilate.

"Yes you can. I'm right...here." I have to do it for him. Seeing the pain in his eyes and his shaky hand on my knee, I know I have to.

I put the car in reverse and back out. God, Tori is going to kill me if I crash her car. I step lightly on the gas and he tells me about a back rode I can take. 

I'm going slower than a turtle, but crashing a car is the number one reason why I'm scared to drive.

"Do you need a hospital or go home?"

"Home. That bitch kicked me in the face and rib cage." He shifts in his seat mulitple times.

"You're sounding better than before." Turning the wheel slightly, we arrive onto the street and to his house. I help he out of the car while he supports himself on my shoulder.

"Here, let's go to your bathroom." I kick the door closed and stumble to his bathroom. His chest is heavy when he breathes. 

He plops down on top of the toilet seat and I wet a rag. 

"Tell me if it hurts." I stand between his legs and dab the cloth on his forehead, studying every inch of his face. Water drips down the side of his head and mixes with the leftover blood. I hope I never see him like this again.

This whole thing is my fault. If I just left him alone and didn't talk to him in English, none of this would've happen because he would have no idea who I am. I would've just been another girl in his class, but no. I'm the girl that had to move in and take over his room, cause him unnecessary stress, and get his ass beat. 

But, now I'm the girl that's cleaning his wounds.

"Wet another rag." He demands and I tiptoe to the sink and get another one. He takes it from my dripping wet hands and cleans the blood from my mouth and nose. 

"Why'd you protect me?" He asks after a few seconds of silence.

"You called for me." I take the damp red paper ball and throw it away. "Lift up your shirt." He steadies his hands in mine to stand up. Lifting the black cotton shirt, he grunts from the pain, so I do it instead. 

I knew he was masculine, but looks even more since the band has been rehearsing.

A deep red and purple bruise is planted under his rib cage and the same sinking feeling is back. 

"Ash..." I gently glide my fingers over it and he winces in pain. "Sorry."

"You're okay. Can I have a bag of ice?" I've never heard him talk so weak before. It's scarier than when he yells.

"Of course. Come lay on the bed." He cautiously walks to the bed and slowly relaxes.

I run to the freezer and stuff ice cubes in a sandwich bag. It's only 10 am, so Anne won't be back for a while. 

I walk back into the freezing room and he's already sleeping off the pain. I lay the bag on the bruise, but he doesn't budge. It's hard looking at him like this and knowing I caused it. He's already gone through enough and I'm just adding to it. Once I turn 18, I need to move out. 

*The fuck is my car?*

*Drove Ash home. I'm try and see if someone can get it back to school.*

*I'll catch a ride there and get it after school.*

I turn off my phone to focus on Ashton.

He wakes up 30 minutes later and smiles when he sees me still with him, holding the bag on his side. 

"How long have I been asleep?" I like the sound of his sleepy voice more than the music that plays on the radio. 

"Only about 30 minutes. Are you feeling better?"

"Yeah. She's stronger than some of the guys I've fought." He tries to sit up, but I stop him. 

"Just relax." He slowly eases back down.

"Lay with me?" Oh no.

"...you told me not to." My voice cracked twice while saying that.

"I was an idiot and you know that." We both laugh, but it hurts him too much. "Please?"

I lift up the covers and snuggle in. If someone were to come in right now, they would see us squeezed together with all the space in the world on the other side. 

I honestly don't know my feelings towards Ashton right now. I want to forget all the fucked up things he's said to me and love him, but some of the things are hard to forget. Also, I don't know if I'm only doing this because I feel sorry for him. Maybe If I convince myself that's why, I won't like him.

You don't like him.

YOU DON'T LIKE HIM.

He throws his arms around me and he's not wearing his bracelets. It's like the universe is trying to guilt me into liking him. Stop Universe.

Ashton falls asleep immediately and I can't sleep. I'm literally here laying in a boys arms and I can't tell if I like him or not. Maybe I'm just scared to. But, why?

Am I scared that I finally found someone like me?

Someone that can actually somewhat put up with me?

A boy I can literally sleep with every night if I wanted to?

Or maybe that we're too similar.

Someday, he won't be able to put up with me anymore.

Or one night I'm not gonna be the girl he wants to cuddle with anymore.

I kiss his scars and lay my head on his pillow. Maybe my dad can help me.

Sleep.

Now.

Now.

Annnnnd now.

You sleep all the time and now you can't when you need to the most? Maybe I'm suppose to figure this out when I'm awake.

What if I like Ashton just for a little bit and see if it's not totally weird. Wow, that's like the stupidest idea I've had yet.

It's so quiet in the room I can hear his heartbeat, I didn't even know that was possible.

I remember what Mackenzie said about him moaning my name into her mouth when they were kissing. To be honest, it made me a little happy when she said it. Not only because it pissed her off, but because he was imagining it was me. I feel butterflies dancing in my stomach and his grip tighetns which just makes the butterflies throw a party.

Carmen, you don't like him!

Oh shut up, conscious, yes I do. I like him. I like his fluffy hair, his cheeky smile, his crater size dimples, his random goofy getures, his comfort.

Even his imperfections that I like more than the good things, his fucked up words, the fighting, the pranks, I like it all. I like him and I want him. 

If I get hurt, than so what? I'll do what I always do, suck it up and move on. Right now, I can hear my mom saying that I'm making a huge mistake, but she's the one that put me in here. If I was still living with her, I would still despise him and that thought scares me.

"Carmen?" I hear a little sleepy voice call out.

"Yes?" I hold his hand and it feels right.

"You okay?"

"Never better."