Alive

Chapter 42

Elle

My Darling Ellie,

Were things really so bad with me? I think on it again and again, and yet I cannot fathom how this has happened. How things turned out the way they did.

You were the light in my dark life. You were the reason for my existence. You were beautiful and kind and wild and free. Yet maybe that is the difference. And yes, I've come to conclude this is the case. That freedom is a luxury I cannot afford. And with it, love. For that is the meaning of freedom, is it not?

I must thank you for the taste of it you gave to me, all these years. I must thank you for the lessons you've taught to me, even unknowingly. And, in my last act of foolishness, I must wish you a life full of this freedom. This love. I cannot help but wish it. Such a foolish wish. But I've told you before, you are my foolishness.

Were my foolishness.

Let there be no bad blood between us.

When you think of me, if you must think of me, I beg you to remember how things were. Back before responsibility pounded this callous over my heart. Remember our talks. Remember my kindness. Remember my love, however pathetic it was.

As for me, there is no room for weakness any longer. Not with what is to come. I will forget you, Ellie. I will forget you every morning of every day. Maybe I shall even come to hate you.

I've paid Oliver in full. I've added in a large sum to cover the costs of further medical care. I assume he will require some, if he lives. You may try to sue me, imprison me, but I would not advise it. It would not do much, considering my position. Anyway, live well, Ellie. Live long and well.

I shall be untouchable now. Unstoppable. All thanks to you.

Sincerely,

Fane

One year later

"Ready?"

I can't stop giggling, sitting up here on Oliver's shoulders. My heart's racing, but I breathe the way my therapist told me to. Count slowly from one to ten.

"Yeah," I say. I can hear it. Hear it after all these years. Feel the breeze on my face. The sun on my back.

"Alright," Oliver says. "Open your eyes."

I open my eyes.

And there are tears. Tears swimming in my vision, dripping down my cheeks, splashing into the waves. The sun is out. The water is clear below us. Dark and moody way out there.

"Oh shit." Oliver jumps back as a big wave comes toward us. I double over, grabbing onto him, but I'm laughing the entire time.

"Are you okay?" he calls, like I'm so far away.

I look down at my bare toes. The flecks of saltwater touching them.

It is saltwater. There are bacteria. It is natural. It is okay.

I breathe again. Count to ten. Smile.

"I'm great," I say. "What about you?"

Oliver reaches up. Grabs my hand. And his other works around me, lowering me down to face him. Holding my legs as I lean against his chest. We've got to shave him again soon. The hair's stopped growing for the most part. But there are a few stubborn patches here and there.