TWENTY¬EIGHT [crossroads]

300 21 6
                                    

2027

When Stan enters his apartment a sweet scent softly caresses his nose. He takes off his jacket and enters the living room. Kyle is sitting on the window sill, looking out the opened window into the busy streets, smoking. Stan sighs. "I told you-" "I know." His head turns around but he doesn't look guilty, just tired. "I was waiting for you to come back to say goodbye." Only now Stan sees the empty couch. The pillow and blanket are gone. Kyle's backpack is leaning against it. "You're leaving?" Kyle nods and looks back outside the window to pull on the joint. "Thank you for letting me stay. And for the food." "But why?" Kyle shrugs his shoulders. "I don't feel safe here anymore. You're...you're manipulating my mind." "Excuse me?" Kyle gets up and grabs his backpack. "You made me kiss you." "I didn't. It was your choice. Maybe you're not as straight as you make yourself believe. What's your plan anyway? Go back to your own place and wait for those guys to find you?" Kyle sighs and rubs his face. "No, I'll stay at my girlfriend's place." "Oh yeah, great idea. Your girlfriend who keeps hooking you up with drugs even though it was your own idea to get clean." "It was a stupid idea." "What?" "Yeah I don't know what I was thinking. My life is already ruined." Kyle wants to walk past him but Stan grabs his arm to make him stop. "What do you mean? You're 25, nothing's ruined yet. Sure, the first 25 years may have not gone well but-" "That's exactly the point. There are no 25 years of life. I don't have a past okay?" Kyle's voice gets louder with every word leaving his mouth. His face is red with anger. "I don't understand." "No of course you don't. You probably had a childhood and have parents and all that shit and you went to college and you have dreams and goals. I don't." Kyle falls onto the couch, avoiding eye contact. Stan doesn't know how to react, he doesn't want to upset him even more but then he decides to sit down next to him anyway. "What happened?" Kyle's eyes fill with water but he wipes the tears away, his face still filled with seething anger. "I woke up in a hospital bed 3 years ago. I didn't know where I was or who I was. All I remembered was my own name. Then the doctors told me that I...I..." Kyle takes a deep breath, his voice is shaking. Stan can't breathe. Is this the moment where he is going to find out what's going on? "They told me that I tried to kill myself. I overdosed on some fucked up pills but survived." Fuck. "But I lost my memory. And when I asked them if someone is going to picknme up, they told me that I don't have any family and that I could leave on my own because I was 22 at that time. So when I was fine again I went home. But it wasn't home to me because I...I didn't recognize anything. I was basically a blank sheet of paper. No family, no memories, without any orientation. You can't imagine how fucking scary that was. I was completely alone, I had no one. And then I started having those nightmares. I'm in the woods, holding a gun, aiming at some boy. He's screaming, begging me to let him go but I...I... Fuck, I wish I wouldn't have survived." "No, Kyle. Don't say that." "But it's true! Look at me. I'm a wreck, I don't have a job, I don't have any ambitions. Apparently I'm also a psychopath. And the only familiar thing in my life makes me feel disgusting." "What thing?" "YOU, you idiot!" Kyle stares at him through blurry eyes. His lips are trembling. Stan doesn't know what to say. "When I first saw you I felt like I know you but couldn't remember, of course. Sleeping next to you somehow makes my nightmares go away. And then I...the kiss. It felt so familiar, like we have kissed before. But obviously we haven't." "We have." "What?" Stan sighs. He has to tell him. He can't continue leaving Kyle in the dark. He has already suffered enough. "I should have told you from the beginning but I myself don't really understand what's going on. But we have met before. Before your...accident. When I saw you at the cash register I couldn't believe it at first. You've changed so much. And you didn't remember me. I couldn't understand why but now I do." Kyle can't keep it back any longer, he starts sobbing. Stan carefully puts a hand on his shoulder and waits for him to calm down again. Fuck. "Were we...you know...a thing? Is that why kissing you felt so...good?" Stan nods. "We were dating." A sudden urge makes Stan pull out his phone and scroll through his gallery. His fingers automatically open up a picture. When he sees the selfie he has to smile. Stan turns his phone to Kyle. His eyes widen. "You and me?" He nods. Kyle grabs the phone. "I look so different." His eyes glide over his bubbly younger self. "You were a completely different person." "And do you know why I did what I did?" "No." Kyle sighs. "I don't want to be gay." "I didn't want to be gay either at first. But the faster you accept yourself, the sooner you can start living your life. And being gay isn't that bad you know? You can make out with cute boys for example. Like me." Kyle smiles slightly. "But how can I be gay if I have a girlfriend?" Right. Stan forgot about her. "Well you could like both. No need to label yourself." Kyle nods. They sit in silence, Kyle still staring at the phone screen. "Do you love her?" Kyle shrugs his shoulders. "Love is such a strong word. She's hot and funny. We get along well. She helped me a lot with my problems." Stan tries to not show it but those words hurt a lot. He doesn't even feel jealous anymore. He feels defeated. What was he thinking? Kyle would never end his perfectly fine relationship for a fag. "I want you to stay. And I want to help you." "I don't know. Now that I know that you like me, staying here would feel like punching you in your face. And you...you make me feel things. It would feel like I'm cheating on my girl by giving those feelings space. But on the other hand you're my only connection to my past. I don't know what to do. I feel like no matter how I decide I will end up hurting someone." His face falls into his hands. Stan surpresses the sudden urge to let his fingers wander through the soft curls. "When you're at a point in your life where you feel like both ways are the wrong ones, you have to figure out what your heart wants first and then follow it." Kyle chuckles softly. "God, when did you turn into a poet?" "Probably the weed fumes clogging my brain. Look at Toby. He's high as fuck." They look at the dog who is lying in his bed, his eyes half opened and his tail slowly swinging from one side to the other. "Sorry for stoning your dog." "Eh, it's fine. So...are you going to stay? I swear I won't try to seduce you." Stan wiggles his eyebrows. Kyle grins weakly and looks down at his hands. "I guess."

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