SEVEN [forgiving]

688 25 7
                                    

2019

"Stan? Fuck, Stan!" A voice violently shakes him out of his sleep. He opens his eyes but it's too dark to see anything. Stan's body shivers and his back hurts. Whatever he is lying on is not a mattress. He touches the ground, it's hard and a million tiny stones press themselves into his skin like needles. "Dude, what the fuck are you doing here?" A light hits his eyes and he squints. The light moves away from his face and Stan sees Kenny standing next to him, bend over. "Did you seriously decide to sleep outside? You'll catch your own death in these temperatures!" Stan tries to sit up and looks around. The flashlight illuminates the red rubbery ground of the basketball field. How did he get here? What happened? "I...don't know." "What do you mean you don't know? Did you sleepwalk?" Stan shrugs his shoulders and then slowly stands up. "Apparently. What time is it?" His right hand wipes over his cheek and through his hair and the rubbery stones which got stuck to his skin drizzle onto the floor. "11:29 pm. I heard you get up and leave our room and I followed you but lost you for a minute and then I found you here, sleeping." Stan furrows his eyebrows. He remembers looking at his phone after seeing the shadow before he left to follow it. That was at 11:25 pm. So only four minute had passed since he stepped out into the car park? That is how long it probably took him to walk from their room to this place. So that makes sense. But usually dreams last way longer. He remembers reading a study saying a normal dream takes 10 to 20 minutes. So how did he manage to dream all of that in only four? He stood there, behind the containers, for half an hour. There was no skip in time. He experienced every single second. Stan can feel his head beginning to hurt. All of that, seeing Kyle again, the shadow, the fucked up dream and waking up outside in the cold, is just too much for him. The only thing Stan wants to do now is to sleep in his bed and not get up for the next 48 hours. And he doesn't want any more dreams.

The alarm went off at 6:45 am and it took Stan a minute to motivate himself to get up, go to classes and to see Kyle. He decided to just forgive Kenny because he had no energy to continue ignoring him and Stan hates fighting. He loves harmony and would rather forgive someone out of the blue than paying the other person back. And the feeling from last night, not having Kenny as a friend anymore, was too much to bare.

It doesn't take long until he has to face last night's dream. During the morning prayer he can't stop looking at Kyle. First of all because he looks like an angel in his school uniform and with his curls that frame his pale face like a halo and underline his big green eyes. But he is also looking for signs of some sort of drug use. Stan knows that's stupid because a) you can't exactly see that, b) it was just a dream and c) Kyle is not the kind of person to take drugs. But on the other hand Stan doesn't know him as well as he makes himself believe. Yes, the week they spent together last summer was intense and beautiful but how good can you possibly know someone who you've spent only seven days with and haven't seen for over a year after that? Stan knows that he fucked up yesterday. He has to apologize. Even when the thought of talking to Kyle is making his stomach turn. He'll have to lie to both of them but he wants to get along with him, be friends. Kyle had already fallen in love with him once, surely that can happen again. Right? Everyone is getting up and instead of following Kenny, Stan waits for Kyle who is talking to his friends. When the group passes him, Stan takes all of his courage and clears his throat. "Kyle?" The boy turns around and looks at him. "Can we talk for a second?" Kyle looks like he isn't sure but nods. "Sure. What's up? " His friends give Stan a weird look but continue to walk away. "I just wanted to apologize for yesterday. I guess I freaked you out. You're probably right, my memories must have gotten messed up." Kyle starts to smile. "Don't worry, it's fine. I could've been a little nicer as well. Our brains can be weird sometimes." Stan nods and smiles back. Phew. "Well anyway, welcome to our school. See you later, Stan." Kyle gives him one last smile and starts to walk away. As soon as he has left the room, Stan falls back onto his chair. The feeling of talking to Kyle after such a long time is amazing and yet awful because nothing is as it was. The thought of what he could have if Kyle just fucking remembered rips his heart apart. "He still doesn't know who we are, huh?" Kenny stands in the doorway with a sad look on his face. Stan just shakes his head. "I'm really sorry dude. I hope you guys can start over. Who knows what the future holds, right?" Stan sees the sickly looking Kyle from last night in front of his eyes, begging him for cocaine. Yeah, who knows.

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