Pantie Rule

15 | A Day of Snorts

It was a Saturday!

The day of possibilities. Alright, actually every day is a day of possibilities, but Saturday's the day of sleep-ery possibilities. If you're a human, you'd know why I say that there's something about Saturdays that makes me want to lie down in bed and remain curled up for right about the whole day!

But unfortunately, for me (I don't know why I'm always unfortunate), there's an intensive cleaning shenanigan on SAT. Just in case you didn't know, I call my bad Saturdays SAT, because it sounds more like "SAD".

Saturdays mornings are usually for hard work. We call it 'labour'. I'm a senior, so we do the less strenuous work - and by less strenuous, I mean; washing a toilet with faeces stacked like a feast of brown sausages in the water closet, to the brim, or better still to burn the hostel garbage that smells of a collection of dead bush rats in the incinerator. The little problem about this is that you'll end up thoroughly darkened like an African zombie because of the fire ash, and it's either you choked from the smell of smoke or you choked from the smell of smells.

I couldn't really give orders to the juniors, I wasn't a prefect yet. So I just cleaned the toilets while junior students cleaned the Seniors' room.

First, we had to pound the WC without a stick to enable the faeces to flow(don't puke yet, there's more). Trust me, my toes tingled and wiggled and I have done this a thousand Saturdays over but it always seems a new experience with every clean-up bringing a new stench.

So first, we pound the WC; then the brown disgusting mass that smells like a compilation of spoilt eggs, expired canned fishes, and (leave the rest to your imagination) would then hurry into the sewer, and then we'd flush again.

That was a routine.

Well, this time, the toilet gave a satisfied snort as the masses were flushed down its belly, but it seemed I fed it too much water, because the next second it was spitting water on me!

If you really think I was sane at that moment then you're probably a murderer, but first of all you murdered your conscience.

I screamed! I cried! I shrieked in sessions, like a pregnant woman in labour(Isn't that strange... I'm in labour too). My voice echoed through the hostel blocks and in a matter of minutes I had attracted more teenage girls than Davido would for a show.

Toilet water splashed on me!

I ran out, unthinking. Everyone just seemed to make way like I was some goddess - except that I was the goddess of sewers, toilet water and all things smelly.

I couldn't spend any second more in those filthy clothes. I ran straightway to the bathroom which was like miles away from the toilet section!

I hate hostels.

I pulled my clothes and dumped them on the demarcation as I entered into the shower. Then I realised: No soap. No sponge. No towel! I slapped my forehead and almost cried. But why? Why was this happening to me! Why?

There was no way-in heaven or on earth-I was getting into those clothes. Never.

I gave up, and just tried to rid my skin off this filth first. I turned the tap, and flinched when the shower snorted, but thanks be to God, it spat only soothing fresh water. I washed myself thoroughly(without soap)spending as much time as I possibly could. I couldn't ignore the fact that this was a perfect opportunity to skip labour for a day. Right?

Finally, I was satisfied with the washing(I eventually found a stray soap). I turned the shower off; wiped my face off the water as I reached for my clothes, but for Christ's sake they weren't there!

My hands scampered over the top of the bathroom wall. Where had they gone? Where? - My clothes! - How did they vanish?!

A familiar giggled filtered into my ears, then another, and another and many others. They had stolen my clothes. Everything!

I kicked the door open and stepped out.

Naked?

Yes, of course!

It was a girl's hostel for Christ's sake!

"Who took my clothes?" I barked and heard a shuffle behind me. Swivelling, my eyes caught a girl, almost entering into one of the bathroom stalls. Then she froze as soon as she saw me.

"Did you see my clothes?!" I roared. She shook her head frantically like I would strangle her if she wasted any second answering with her mouth, and maybe I would have.

I wasn't stable right now. I was sure of that.

I let air out through with my teeth.
About the clothes, I wasn't going to wear them, I'm sure I'm not that dumb. All I needed them to do was to cover my p-parts, while holding them away from me. If you don't know the meaning of that you're probably under underaged.

Shoo. Go watch Sponge Bob!

Hey, I love Sponge Bob too!

Then, I heard another shuffle and turned only to see the same girl still frozen, there.

I threw my head back in mock surprise.
"Why are you still here?"

"Ehm..." The girl gave a silly smile, "you're naked." She shrugged.

"Thank you dummy, for the revelation." I revealed a nice smile. Really, really nice. Overly nice! Thankfully, she was a junior, she bowed her shameful head into her bathroom.

Okay! Let's get things straight - I was behaving weird and I didn't understand why. It's being a really long time I've been this unpleasant... It comes and goes like... PMS, oh my God! It's PMS.

Of course! I would start menstruating soon. I had lost track of tracking(that sounded lame, quite alright!)

I really hated menstruation. I did things I normally couldn't do. Trust me, the only thing in this world that makes me wish I were a boy is menstruation! But first of all I had to figure out how to get out to my room, because a ghost from nowhere had done away with my clothes, and bra, and panties. I wonder what a ghost needs panties or a bra for. Think about it. A hot ghost.

Then the thought came:

What if you just pilfer that junior's towel...

I believe there's a great difference between pilfering and stealing. Thou shalt not steal was the commandment, remember? Well, remember I'm egotistical. I don't pilfer or use people's things but not in matters of public humiliation by nakedness.

I tiptoed to the bathroom as the girl hummed 'Halo' by Beyoncé, and trust me, she hummed it so well-out-of-tune! I searched for her towel on the door, it wasn't there. My last chance, God, please! I entered into the bathroom beside it And came out disappointed. It wasn't there either. Now my village people were really haunting me; no doubt!

Turns out I'd have to pull some Mission Impossible stunts. Omotara, calm down... you can do it! Now imagine this was just one of your secret missions...

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