Pantie Rule

09 | I Did Not Kiss Him

He was coming into the cafeteria and every one of us was staring at him except Kosiso and me. Okay - that's a lie. I actually stole two glances at the mongrel. That's the boy you kissed. The devil whispered in my ear. Mum had always told me that when I heard a lying thought or negative inner voice, it was the devil. I had no doubt it was now.

No, I didn't kiss him, he's the one that kissed me.

I retorted harshly with immediate effect, after all, resist the devil and he'd flee, right?

I didn't know I had spoken too loudly. The devil sure has a way of exposing people's secrets. They swivelled my way.

"Liar!" Obiora said with venom so strong you'd think we were fighting.

Sister, I only said he kissed me o, not that he stabbed me.

Constance didn't turn, she was still admiring him. Probably imagining herself in a bikini and him in boxers, both of them kissing at Lagos Bar Beach and setting a date for their wedding at Eko Hotel & Suites with a lovely honeymoon in Switzerland. Foolish girl.

"You don join the lying gang abi?" Agnes said energetically, her bones jutting out from her long neck.

"Why do I feel, you're telling the truth?" Kosiso eyed me. When Kosiso feels something know there's a ninety-nine point nine nine nine percent chance it's correct.

"Are you kidding me?!" Jamila squealed. She had a naturally excited hue to her voice and very childish behavior and she easily juggles in and out of moods.

She sat up. "Kai! You're a bad birdie!" Her Fulani nose, straight and aristocratic seemed to watch me as her brown eyes also did. Her carton-brown skin glowed from the rays of the sun that penetrated into the shop. She was the slimmest and fittest of us all with a fine bone structure.

I stole another glance at him, and he seemed to be eating a plate of fried meats and Coke!

Seriously? Fried meat and Coke? He was never going to be satisfied with that!

Obiora shifted in her seat. "I kissed him too, "

We all turned like remote-controlled sculptures ready to destroy the sculptor.

"Mm?" This time Constance turned.

Kosi's brows shifted. "Where?!"

"Which one is 'where'? At home now. We live close to each other. It was just a peck-like kiss, not too long not too short, you understand na."

Did I tell you that when Obiora lies to you just know you're her padi - close friend. She's the one that brought us all into friendship in the first place. During the pageantry, she befriended Kosiso and libelled us. She claimed that I was a lesbian; Agnes, a thief; Constance, a bleached pig; and Jamila, a trans. All these, claims that could send her out of Saint Maria; and us, if true. But they weren't.

I'm as straight as pawpaw tree, I'm sure Agnes doesn't even know how to spell "thief", Constance was born with a natural air conditioner in her mother's womb, and Hassan may be athletic, but she's as feminine as Jennifer Lopez.

Kosiso had therefore chosen to find out for herself, and she had discovered otherwise.

"And... how come you've not told us since?" Hassan probed, her northern tongue flavouring her speech, wherein she pronounced "come" like "cam" and "us" like "ass".

"We dey run am on the low na. Na so Burna boy talk am." Obiora said.

Sometimes I wonder how all these liars come up with quick, sometimes believable, sometimes clever, sometimes wise answers to incriminating questions. I wonder...

"Hmmm." The rest of us sighed uniformly.

Sure thing is, although I had told them, they'd keep their mouths shut, but I wasn't comfortable staying in the same place this mongrel. "Can we leave? Please?"

Then I saw clear, white eyes tinted with brown flash at me.

Too late, Omotara, the mongrel has seen you.

I just pretended like I didn't see him, but his presence could be felt - a commanding presence that just made you want to turn and watch him and trust me when you turn you won't be disappointed with what you see.

But shut up, Omotara, this is that boy you saw in the toilet that day! Have you forgotten? That boy!

But I blame the girl for being used.

"Abegee, we are waiting here till we finish eating," Agnes said, helping herself with a fried chicken lap.

"You could go without us." Kosiso hummed. "We'd meet you in the library."

I really loved the way she pronounced 'library'; like 'LIE-BRE-RI'. Normally I would pronounce it: 'LIE-BRI', which was wrong, but I'm so used to it I don't see any possibility for change.

I was leaving when someone dragged me back. It was Obiora. "So, you no go tell us about this your..." She winked and licked her small lips, "handsome bobo."

"Is it only kissing you guys did that night?" Hassan imputed.

I jerked my hand away from Obiora's grip and scowled a friendly scowl at them both.

"What now?" Obiora reacted.

" Uhh... What?" Jamila rolled her eyes.

"Did I tell you it was in the night?" I was still rubbing my wrist and scowling.

"Gbam!" Agnes exclaimed, getting the attention of everyone in the restaurant. I could feel the weight of even the boy's stare on me. Agnes whispered into Jamila's ear, loud enough for us to hear. "She said it was not in the night." And Jamila giggled.

"Ngwanu, go. We are coming." Constance said, showing an excessive smile. I knew that smile. It was a smile that could make me tell her anything, everything. All she had to do was tug the muscles and I'd begin to spill. I don't know how she does it!

"Desk twenty-three." I hinted. They all nodded. Desk twenty-three was our gossip corner in the library. I'm in the Literary and Press Club, I write trending school news on the school magazine every week, I fish out new gossips every week and my friends help me, including Obiora. She usually has so much to talk about, but it's left for us to filter the lies.

One thing I know is that Nigerian girls love gossiping! Not all, but most. Underline that. Most!

You may have noticed that when they speak, they sometimes end their sentences with 'now'. For instance, when Obiora says "Which one is 'where'? At home 'now'..."

*

There's an interesting fact to that usage(as you can see she wasn't at home or anything like that!). Well, the fact is Nigerians can use the word 'now' at the end of almost every statement they make. So, the 'now' is invisible when it comes to meaning, but is used anyway for effect.

We can see the variant of that 'now' is 'na', both are synonymous. So, in this book you'd see a lot of 'nows':

i. some, would mean the usual 'now' you know,
ii. and others would mean the unusual 'now' that should be ignored or omitted.

Therefore, At home now = At home na = At home.

Yeah, that's it! Thank you for your patience, fellow language speakers!!!

*

Ngwanu: Very well/ Alright/ Whatever

Abegee: Please.

Padi: Close friend.

Abi: Isn't it?

Thanks for reading.