Holding Onto Youth

Chapter 4

SIERRA

"Flowers are for girls. Women are the sun."

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The club was packed, which was gravely baffling to me since it was only four in the afternoon. It seemed like every teenager in Dolly was here and they wore less clothing than when they were ejected from the womb. The music was blasting, making my ears pulse as I slid myself through the crowd with the guys close behind me. Xavier grabbed onto my hand, tugging me towards the bar. 

"Gustav!" 

"X, min vän!" A burly looking man with a short fade and tattoos appeared from behind the bar. He fist bumped Xavier as they both engaged in a rather deep and intense conversation. I sat on one of the stools, relieving myself of my jacket as I glanced down at the molded bodies on the dance floor. Ander and Percy were already bumping hips with two blonds from the Catholic girls school up the street; Saint Catholic Girls. I chuckled at their vibrancy and spirit. I wish I could let loose like that and not have a care in the world but I had too much on my shoulders to brush off for one night of fun. Although, I don't want this to be one of those experiences that I look back on when I'm forty and regret not living in the moment. I sighed, blowing my hair out of my face. 

"Not your scene to huh?" Toby questioned as he sipped on a beer. I smiled, shrugging.

"I've never been to a club before. I don't know what to do." I yelled back over the music. He raised a brow at me before finishing his beer. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand before standing in front of me with a big grin. 

"No way! No!" I whined. He chuckled, grabbing my hand as I stumbled behind him to the dance floor. Ander shot me a thumbs up while Percy poked his tongue out at me. I bit my lip, feeling extremely out of place.

"Relax Sierra. I know you know how to dance. Don't be shy." He whispered as he placed his hands on my hips. I think I held my breath for a moment because no one's ever touched me so tenderly before; as if I was some special ancient artifact that was fragile to the touch. He gave me an encouraging smile just as I begun to move my hips against his. My body felt like it was being pricked with a million tiny pins. Toby held me closer as he looked down at me, focusing on keeping up with my rhythm. It gave me time to study his features. His hooded chestnut colored eyes and long lashes. His thick arched brows that was half way covered by his silver frames and his moist full lips. He didn't carry the face of Uncle Mat but he also didn't carry the face of my knight in shinning armor, only because he didn't have a face too- he didn't exist. No one was going to save me from this sorry life I live and just as I've come to that conclusion our song ended. I gently ripped my body away from Toby's with a grin.

"That wasn't so bad huh?" He yelled into my ear. I shook my head as he laughed. We returned to the bar where Xavier was still positioned. He sipped his drink, eyeing me from over the rim. I furrowed my brows at him while yanking myself onto the stool. 

"What?"

"Nothing. Nothing at all." I nodded slowly as I sipped my drink. My first taste of alcohol was not how I imagined. It felt like cold broken shards of glass rolling down my throat but with every taste, it grew familiar to me. 

"Yo X, I thought you said your girl was coming." Ander mentioned as he called for a beer.

"She's stuck at work." He answered. I fought the urge to look at him because I could already feel his eyes on me. I knew he wanted me to hear that, for those words to sink in but I already knew that I didn't have a chance with him. My life and his just doesn't seem to intertwine in the way that I'd like it too and that's okay with me. As long as I respect that line that separates our lanes. The night continued with us drinking and enjoying ourselves. Ander and Percy dancing with every girl that gave them the time of day and Xavier ignoring the girls that tried to approach him. Toby and I mostly kept each other's company and may have taken some shots here and there. 

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"Come on Sierra get in the car!" 

"No Xavier! It's really okay- go- go on without me I can walk it." I moaned, stumbling around. He rubbed his temple as he opened the passenger side door.

"Sierra. You're drunk. I'm not letting you walk home like that. Get in the car." He grumbled in a stern tone. I giggled, covering my mouth because I was unable to control my laughter. Toby had taken Ander and Percy home, who were both very intoxicated, more than I am at this moment. Xavier slammed his palm down onto the roof of his car causing me to jump.

"Get in the fucking car Sierra or I'll throw you in the god damn backseat." I quickly shuffled towards the car, getting in as Xavier slammed the door behind me. The ride was silent and I could sense his annoyance with me. I was fearful that I may loose the only friend I have. 

"I'm sorry. I was totally out of cornrows and it wouldn't happen again." Xavier burst into laughter as I watched him totally unaware of the joke.

"You mean control love?" He corrected as he glanced at me with a smile.

"That's what I said."

"No you didn't."

"So you're not mad at me anymore?" He drew his brows together as he shook his head.

"I can never be mad at my little Sierra." He whispered. I sighed, gazing out the window.

"You never told me you had a girlfriend."

"You never asked."

"It just seems like something you should have told me. Who doesn't talk about their girlfriend?"

"You're right! I should have told you, I'm sorry. I'm just used to hanging out with guys sometimes I forget that you're not like them."

"Yeah! Your friends are a lot to take in but they're okay. It's safe to safe Toby's the only level headed one out of the three of them." Xavier chuckles.

"You guys seem to get along pretty well."

"Yeah he's nice." I smiled, remembering the feel of his hands on me.

"Are you blushing?"

"Eww no! Turn left here." I shouted trying to change the subject. I was sobered up enough to get passed my Dad. That is if he's still awake.

"It's the yellow house."

"Nice. Looks pretty cozy." I laughed, only if it was.

"Thanks for the ride."

"Don't mention it." I quickly skipped to my door step as I waved Xavier off before he drove away. I took a deep breath as I peeled the door open slowly. The place was quiet, which either meant he was asleep or he didn't get in yet.

"I know it's you Sierra." He stated. I mentally cursed myself as I stomped my way into the living room.

"Where have you been young lady?"

"I was out with my friends!"

"What friends? You have friends?" He leaned forward, as if intrigued and fascinated by this piece of information. I rolled my eyes, shaking my head.

"Goodnight Dad!" I mumbled as he chuckled, unmuting the television.

"Goodnight Sie!"