finn's pov:
sadie was over, and we were both sat in my room working on a project that we had due on monday, for science. sadie seemed a little down, which confused me. she was painting one of the planets we had made out of paper-mâchè. i was writing down facts about that planet. it was saturn.
"are you okay?" i asked her.
"i'm fine." she replied.
"clearly not." i said, not letting it go so easily.
"i said i'm fine, finn!" she snapped.
"and i'm saying you're not! you're never this quiet." i answered, "something is on your mind and i wanna know what it is."
usually when something was bothering her, she would tell me without hesitation. but that time, it was different, and i didn't like it. i hated it when sadie got mad at me, because that meant that the thing that was upsetting her had something to do with me, or involved me in some way.
and i hated to be the one to make my friends in a bad mood, especially sadie. we didn't fight often, we had had around three fights in our whole sixteen years of friendship, and they usually lasted around two weeks. our fights were always serious, we never fought over petty little things. our friendship was too important.
"nothing is wrong." she said.
"promise?" i said.
her blue eyes flickered down to the paint brush, and she didn't answer. sadie didn't break promises, or make promises that she couldn't keep. promises were important to her, so that was the way to get something out of her.
"exactly. what's wrong?" i asked.
"it doesn't matter, finn! just leave it out, okay?" she said, raising her voice. "i'm going home!"
she got up to go, so i quickly hopped up before her and ran to my bedroom door. not letting her out. she looked angry at me, but i couldn't think of why. i couldn't think of anything that i had done wrong to her.
"fine. wanna know what's wrong? you!" she shouted.
"w-what did i do?" i asked, a little upset.
"i'm not one to be jealous, and i'm not jealous so please don't get the wrong idea of this." she said, "but ever since millie came, it's like i don't exist to you anymore! all of your time is spent with her, and it's like you're pushing me out! we have been best friends since we were in diapers, finn! but you've just thrown that away for a girl that you like!"
"what? i would never risk our friendship for anything! if i knew this was how you felt about the whole situation, i would of cut things off with millie a while ago! you can't expect me to know these things without telling me!" i answered, raising my voice too.
"i don't want you to cut things off with millie, she makes you happy. but gaten and i still exist, okay? millie isn't the only person in your life!" she shouted as tears fell down her face.
"i know she's not, and i try to make time with everybody. if you really want to start a whole argument because i caught feelings for somebody, then go ahead! but this is on you, not me." i said, sitting on my bed.
"no, it's on you. until you want to start treating me like you did before, we're not friends." she said.
"b-but you have caleb too! i could say that about you and caleb but i don't because i understand that he makes you happy." i said.
she shook her head no, "good luck with everything, finn. bye."
she walked out of my bedroom and shut the door. i let her go, because i didn't know what else i could of said. i decided to clean up all of the mess we made with the paints, and got on with the project myself.
sometimes i wished that i was the type of guy to let my anger out an easier, more physical way. but i wasn't. my way of letting my anger out was sitting and staring at something whilst deep in my own thoughts. i wouldn't ever punch my walls, or trash my room and stuff. i thought that those were all stupid.
my eyes widened once i thought of one particular person, and i quickly got my shoes on. i ran down the stairs, ignoring my mom as she spoke to me. i swiped my car keys off the table and ran to my car. i drove to the one place that i knew she would be at, seven eleven.
i walked to the back, and climbed up the ladders that lead up there. and there she was, laid on the roof. i walked to her, sitting next to her. in that moment, i couldn't help myself. i felt tears start to make their way to my eyes, and fall down my face.
"oh my gosh, finn! what's wrong?" millie asked, hugging me.
"i'm just so, so stressed! sadie has fallen out with me, and i have more chemo in a few days and every day i'm just living my life to get a day closer to my death. and who knows when that might be." i said, wiping my tears for only more to fall.
"why did sadie fall out with you?" she asked, hugging me tighter.
"because apparently since i've met you, i act like gaten and her don't exist. but i can't see how. i always make sure i include them." i said, my voice catching into a little sob at the end.
i felt weak crying in front of millie, but the truth was, i was weak. my heart was weak and had been through too much trauma over the past couple of months to even be the slightest little bit strong. boys were supposed to be strong. that's what society had been made to believe. i didn't agree with it.
millie lifted my head up from her hug and held both of my cheeks, wiping the tears away with the pad of her thumb. her honey brown eyes looked into my own for a couple of seconds, and i would be lying to myself if i said that there weren't thousands of butterflies in my stomach at the thought of her. she was so beautiful.
her jaw was defined, and her pastel pink hair landed just above her shoulders. her cheeks were a light pink colour, due to the coldness of the night. her lips were big, but not too big, and her nose was little and cute. her eyelashes were long, and she was all around just so beautiful. like an artist had created her with the most expensive paints.
"i'm sorry, i shouldn't be crying." i replied, wiping a tear.
"everybody has to break before they shine. it's okay, you're human. you've had a fall out with your friend, but she will come back to you eventually." she told me.
"i know. but i don't have her right now, and that's what hurts me the most. it's my fault. i should realise when i'm pushing my friends away." i said.
"it's never clear what you're doing wrong until somebody tells you. you can't guess their feelings—you shouldn't guess their feelings. you're not in the wrong, finn." she said, "she'll come around, soon, if not later. but no matter what, she will."
"i hope so." i replied.
"you don't have to hope, she will." she answered, kissing my cheek.
"thank you, so much." i said, hugging her tightly. "thank you."
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