millie's pov:
many people were in the cafeteria at lunch time, talking about one thing, halloween. people were inviting people to their parties, and talking about what they were going to dress up as. whereas i wasn't really interested in the parties, and more interested in how finn was coping.
he had more chemo, and he didn't seem very happy. he said he would be able to have visitors at eight pm, so i planned on going then to cheer him up. caleb and noah were talking about the halloween parties too, but they didn't want to go to anybody else's. noah wanted to have his own small friendly gathering.
"we can all hang out at my house, i can get food and some sort of drinks. we can all invite friends, just not a huge party. my mom is out of town, so." noah said, eating a spoonful of peas.
"good idea, will your mom allow it?" caleb asked.
"my mom doesn't have to know, but if she finds out, i don't think she will care if it's just us." he shrugged.
"personally i think it's a bad idea." i said, with a mouth full of pasta.
"why?" noah asked.
"because people hear about parties a lot around here, and if you start to invite a few people, it never stays just a few people. more and more people show up and soon enough you have a lawn full of passed out teenagers." i told him.
noah rolled his eyes and told me how i always thought about the negative aspect of things. but a halloween party would be okay, i just had to warn him. i hoped that it went okay, it would be a fun little gathering to attend. especially if finn was there with me.
the bell rang, signalling the end of lunch. we all packed our things away, and my next class was study hall. caleb was in sports, and noah was in study hall with me. we didn't ever go to study hall, we usually skipped and went to the park to hang out, so we did.
"mills, i think i need to tell you something." noah said as we sat on top of a hill.
"what?" i asked.
"d-do you think you could do something?" he asked, i furrowed my eyebrows. "for me?"
"sure." i replied.
"can you find out if gaten likes guys?" he asked, i gasped with a huge smile.
"you like him?" i squealed.
he smiled with a blush, "okay! keep your voice down. yes, i like him. it's a love hate relationship. i like him, but he annoys me. the worst part is, i don't even know if he likes guys, millie."
"i'm not one to assume somebody's sexuality. but i think that gaten likes you back, the way he looks at you, it's a way that you don't look at somebody you're just friends with." i said.
"will you find out, so i know for certain?" he asked with hope in his eyes.
"i can ask finn if he knows." i said, he nodded.
*
i arrived at the hospital, and i was outside of finn's room. i walked inside to see him attached up to many, many machines. he had a breathing tube up his nose, and his eyes looked more closed than they were open. he looked at me with a tiny smile as he breathed heavily.
i sat at the side of his bed, and he took my hand. i could tell that this chemo was more painful than the last, and it had taken more of a toll on his body. his face looked all drained of colour, the sight broke my heart, but i knew i had to keep strong just for him.
"hi." he breathed, looking at me with his half opened eyes.
"hello." i replied, "how are you feeling?"
"i'm okay." he said in a whisper. "are you?"
"i'm doing fine." i lied with a little smile.
"i'm sorry, i can't really speak. i-i can't really breath either. i'm not allowed out of hospital until tomorrow." he said.
"oh, okay. we were all thinking about shopping for halloween costumes tomorrow. do you want to come? if you're feeling up to it of course." i asked.
"yes. any time i get to spend with you i'll take." he said, i smiled.
he opened his arms for a hug, which i gladly accepted. i rested my head on his chest, he lifted his hand and softly stroked my pink hair. i pulled away after around five minutes, he looked at me, and he moved the breathing tube a little.
"what happened to make you need a breathing tube?" i asked, "you didn't need one last time."
"oh, the chemo messed with my body a little more. my breathing started to mess up. they gave me this to make sure it wouldn't stop. it feels fine now, so hopefully they'll take it off in a little while." he said.
"so this chemo wasn't as successful as the last?" i asked.
"no, this one started to kill more of my needed cells rather than the cancer cells. it's complicated, and i don't really understand. i'm just repeating everything that the nurse says." he shrugged. "they said i'm lucky that they could save me. they could of lost me if they didn't notice sooner."
"holy shit, finn." i said, with tears welling up in my eyes.
"hey, don't cry, please don't cry. you didn't loose me, alright? i'm still here. think positive." he said, putting his hand on my cheek.
i put my hand on his, "i know, it's just the thought of you going through this much pain."
"whatever happens with me, i just want you to think on the positive side. if i was laying on my death bed, i would still want you to be positive about it. celebrate the life i had, not the one i lost." he said, looking down.
"i just don't understand." i said, letting a tear fall. "why you? you've been nothing but good to anybody."
"well i would prefer for it to be me than you, or sadie, or my mom, or anybody else." he said.
he looked back up and wiped my tears away with the pad of his thumbs. he lifted himself up with little struggle and put his hand on my leg, letting out a sigh. i could tell he was fed up, but he was just being positive for everybody else. seeing him with the breathing tube, and the fact that we could of lost him that day would haunt me forever.
i wasn't ready to say goodbye, but the day seemed to get closer with every day that passed. there was still a chance that finn could live, and i prayed for that every day, and kept hope within my heart every second. he was like a piece of me that i needed to allow myself to function.
positivity, he had a lot of that in his negative life. he was an inspiration, that no matter how hard the situation, there was always a bright side. i would live by that for the rest of my life.
••••••••
:) i hope you all enjoyed this chapter.
and it's true there is always a bright side to every dark situation ❤️
