Star Cross Lovers with Guns

Chapter 54

Short little chapter. Enjoy!
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It's been two weeks since the war.

     Two weeks since I last saw his beautiful chocolate brown eyes.

     Two weeks since I heard his amazing voice that has been haunting me every night now.

     Two weeks since I've felt his lips on mine.

     My eyes droop as I try to stay awake. I haven't slept in two weeks. Every time I close my eyes, the same images pop up. That day has been haunting me ever since. The sound of the gun shot. The image of Gianluca falling to the ground. The smell of blood all over our clothes. The taste of my salty tears as they ran down my face at the sight of the one person I love slowly leaving this earth.

     I refuse to see Gianluca's family. It bring back too many memories. I already know the second I see them, I'm going to cry. But that's the one thing I haven't been able to do. Cry. The simplest thing to do when you feel like you lost a love one. I think there's something wrong with me.

     Shaking my head, I look out the window as the night sky shines down on the city below. I still can't find the heart to look at him. All I've been doing is looking outside the window and give an occasional glance at Gianluca then look away.

      I watch as the night dances with the stars. Friday nights used to be a fun time. Laughing, partying, smiling, living; now I feel like a dead human in a living body. The one thing that still keeps me through all of this is the thought of Gianluca waking up.

     That's why I reuse to sleep. The thought of him waking up always puts a small smile on my face—I haven't smiled in two weeks.

     With my refusal to sleep, I managed to never leave Gianluca's side. I am here almost every day and his family—and my own, know it. The only time I would leave, would be for school or to change clothes and the occasional shower back at home. Besides that, I am always here.

     The feeling of Luca waking up always pops in my head and I want him to wake up to a familiar face. No matter if it's his family or friends, I want it to be me. No matter how selfish that makes me sound. I just want to see it with my own eyes when he wakes up. Maybe that's when the nightmares could go away.

     I spoke to Dr.Lowell about my sudden behaviour and she simply told me it's normal. "It's the way your body is reacting." She said. "Your mind is running on last minute thoughts about him. Replaying all your moments and refusing to let you get any rest. Your brain is tricking you into believing the harsh reality that could be, but your heart is refusing to give you. It's isn't medicine that could help you, or a psychologist, but time will. Give it a few more months and then see how you are. Once your mind eases on the idea of him being truly alright, you will go back to your normal ways. As if nothing ever happened."

     That's easy for her to say. I can't ignore the truth. That day in the field happened. The feeling of his heart beat slowly fading will forever haunt me. The way his body went from hot to cold in the matter of seconds scares me.

     I just need to see for myself if he's truly alive because if he isn't—I don't know what I would do to myself...