I am the Skeleton in the Closet

The Dead Beat

Surprisingly enough I have little to write about the outcome of the letter. No one came to yell at me and no one took away any of my college funding. Although Dawn threatened it numerous times. I could tell that the feelings were one sided on her part. Of course she'd never admit what we both knew to be the truth. It seemed to me that each threat she made to respond or withdraw my tuition was little more than a bluff from a desperate housewife. If it was mentioned in Steven's presence it was dismissed with a tired nod as if he'd heard it a thousand times. Making her happy then lacking the follow through I supposed. It wasn't until Dawn's mother's birthday that anything was said about it by him.

"Listen." He turned down the radio during the nine hour drive to make sure Alex and I both heard him.

"What?" I asked as Alex kept his attention to his phone.

"You don't need to say anything but I'm gonna give you the same talk I got from my father when I was growing up." He adjusted his grip on the wheel as he readied himself to lift the weight off his chest. "You childhood, growing up, you may not have had the best parents. There were definitely some things on either side that could have been handled differently and maybe if they had things would have turned out better ... It's not something we can ever find out for sure, but I just wanted to tell both of you that I'm sorry. Ok. There have been a lot of things that I've seen happen and, well the first thought is to just sweep it under the rug and forget about it. Pretending like it never happened is certainly easier, it may not have been the best way to handle it ... but-"

"You did the best you could." I interrupted. Did he just say what I thought he said? Am I actually getting an apology? I didn't even need that, all I wanted was admittance that it happened. Some sort of tell that it wasn't imagined and that it's over now. Finally he admits he knew. It was a feeling like none other. Yeah he knew and did nothing. Shouted a piece of me still holding on to all of the pain. You can't change the past. All you can do is learn from it. Be the adult. Retorted my better self. "Shit got fucked, I know, language, but parenting is hard and everyone responds in a different way. If it helps, my issue has never been with you." I explained, for once finding myself able to look in his eyes. "But thank you. It means a lot." I averted my eyes with a smile as Alex spiraled into a series of stories from his past he felt open to discuss.

I still couldn't believe what I had just heard. The hardest part of life is admitting wrong doings and taking ownership of the consequences. This was an action that Dawn would never take and I am sure she will go to her death bed claiming sainthood from the home I plan on putting her in. Steven, on the other hand, earned my respect back. I didn't need the apology and I didn't want the forced interactions our relationship had become. Whilst this action was still, in some respect, forced, it was due to the sincere nature and the fear of what I could have said. Alex, on the other hand, was still tooth and nail fighting the war within himself. He didn't realize that he was already on the higher ground. The further he pushed back their ranks the deeper he'd go and the more distant I found myself from him.

Dawn hired a personal photographer to document the aging of our dear grandmother and, having been paid out of Steven's pocket, our family got several photos as well. For once I felt I didn't need to fight or be heard. Dawn was still on my nerves time and time again, but I suddenly had gained immunity to her insults and miscellaneous comments. It was no longer my fight and the longer I felt that way the easier hanging around her was. Almost as if someone had gone in and torched the tattered remains of each documented experience of my life succumbing to her tyranny. I was lighter. I was free. I was everything I wanted to be. Most importantly I knew I was right, had there ever been a question, and it was a feeling I never thought I'd have. Looking back, I never should have needed that. Crazy what disbelief can be concocted from ignorance or disregard. I should have seen how independent and moral I was. I should have known it wasn't just something out of my head and the tell for this should have been all the families I'd noticed through the years with plastered smiles and hopeful memories. The piece that truly had me baffled was the innocent claim and the masses that adored her. It's important to note that someone can be nice to anyone, but no one is nice to everyone.