What I've Been Living For All Along

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I left the doctors from a check up, just a few more weeks I will be able to know if I'm having a boy or girl. I'm so excited, I was going to be someones mommy. I still couldn't believe it sometimes. It was insane. But so far, I'm pretty healthy, the baby and myself are doing great. Everyone knew I was pregnant. Even Anne and my daddy, they were pretty chill about it, since Harry and I are already engaged. Harry and I are having the wedding after our baby is born. Then our first child can be in our wedding, too.Other than that, we haven't made wedding plans.

Today Harry comes home, I'm not sure when, I just know sometime today my dad is going to pick him up. So, there's another reason to be freaking ecstatic.
I stopped at the store to grab some stuff I needed, which was Green Tea and Sour Patch Kids. Weird combination, I know. But I've been craving them like no other. I grabbed a few bottles and a couple bags.
While I waited in line at the register, I saw a magazine that had Edwards picture on the front and in big black words it read: FOUND DEAD.
I thought of how many Directioners were crying at this very moment, or probably throwing themselves off a cliff or something, if what happened to me, didn't happen, I'd be one of them, but if they really knew how messed up he was...I shivered as I walked up next in line.

When I arrived home, I walked in the kitchen and put my Green Tea up and took my candy up to my room.
While going up the stairs, I head a guitar playing. I quickly ran up them and opened my door finding Harry sitting on my bed singing "Turning Page" by Sleeping At Last, one of our songs.

"Your love is my turning page,
only the sweetest words remain.
Every kiss is a cursive line,
every touch is a redefining phrase.

I've surrendered who I've bee for who are,
and nothing makes me stronger than your fragile heart.
If I had only felt how it feels to be yours, well I would have known, what I've been living for all along..."

I smiled as I ran up to him with tears in my eyes.
My arms found their way around Harry's neck and I jumped into his arms as he picked me up off my feet and spun me around my room. "I've missed you." I whispered.
"I missed you, too." He said nuzzling his face in my neck. "I missed the way you smell." He said taking in my Pure Seduction perfume from Victoria's Secret.
I giggled as he put me down and got on his knees. He touched my belly and started talking to our baby. He looked up at me and then back down and began talking to it.
"I'm really sure if you can even hear my voice yet, but I missed you, too." He smiled as he began to rub my belly. He looked up at me and smiled. "You're not even that big, when do you get the bump?" He asked.
"Not for a couple more weeks. We will soon know the sex, too." I said touching Harry;s hands that were still touching my belly. He looked back down and smiled again. He leaned in and gently kissed my belly and pulled back.
"I can't wait to meet you, little one." He stood up and kissed me again.
"You have no idea how much I've missed your kisses." I smiled at him.
He smiled back as he walked over to my bed and sat down. "Trust me, I can imagine. I've been pretty lonely in there. It's not fun." He said pulling me into him by my hands.
"I bet." I replied sitting on his lap and wrapping my legs around him. "How did you manage?" I smiled.
"Well, let's just say, that I thought I'd come home with one arm bigger than the other." He smirked.
I giggled and narrowed my eyes. "That's a sin." I joked.
He leaned in closer to me. "Baby, you sinned a long time ago."

He was right, I did. But I couldn't help it.

I smiled "You seduced me." I replied quickly.

He smiled and kissed me again. He stood up with me still wrapped around him and laid me down on the bed while still kissing me. I felt him latching onto my lip with his teeth and biting. I thought he was going to wound me if he bit any harder. His hands were running up my shirt and undoing my jeans.
I closed my eyes and let him take control.
His body was pressed against mine and his kisses were getting rough so fast.
I heard him groan or moan every now and then.

"Harry..." I said weakly. I was feeling a bit uncomfortable.
He kissed my neck gently and biting it a bit. "I know..." He whispered.
"No, Harry. Please." I pulled myself up and he did the same.
"What baby?" He asked with a puzzled look on his face.
"This- this is just too- fast." I said looking away with tears in my eyes thinking of those nights with Edward. Harry shook his head and understood completely, I didn't even have to tell him, he just knew.
"Too fast. I understand." He said as he sat next to me.
I started crying thinking those thoughts. Harry held me. "Baby, don't think about it, please?"
I know he wanted me to, but I couldn't.
"I wish I could take those memories away from you..." Harry said as he pulled me closer to his body.
I felt like I disappointed him or something, I hated turning him down.I didn't want this to get in the way of this everytime.

"I'm sorry." I sobbed into his neck.
I heard him breathe "Don't be sorry, when you're ready, I will be too, love." He kissed my head. "I'm truing to forget that night as well." He ran his fingers trough my hair. "We will get through this together, I promise."
I leaned up and kissed him.

I wanted to move on from what happened.

I wanted to forget.

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