The Secrets We Keep - Taekai

the one where they become SuperM

The entire group had decided to go out to eat after the photoshoot together - as a way to bond as a group. And Jongin had made sure to snag the seat beside Taemin, hoping that it would give them a chance to talk a little more.

He knew they weren't going to solve anything while out to eat with their new bandmates, but he hoped that maybe Taemin would see him sitting beside him as an olive branch, per se. Something to bring about them being able to talk about what happened between them at some time in the future.

He hoped it would at least come across as Jongin wanting to be civil at the very least with Taemin now.

Plus Jongin felt almost comforted by sitting next to Taemin. Baekhyun and Taemin were the only two other members that he knew very well. And Jongin would be kidding himself if he said he hadn't been worried about how the group was going to mesh together. And Taemin still for some reason brought Jongin some sense of reassurance.

"Hows your parents and Taesun doing?"

Taemin looked over at him, nodding. "They're doing fine." He said, "What about your family?"

"Good. Jung Ah is officially with Sehun now, so that's interesting."

Taemin let out a loud laugh, "Wait a minute. Sehun - as in your bandmate Sehun - is dating your sister? Oh jeez."

Jongin nodded, "Yeah. It's crazy right?"

"Definitely so." Taemin said, smiling over at Jongin. "So do you think you're going to end up with Sehun as a brother-in-law?"

"I'm liable to, honestly. They seem to be really into each other - and I think he would do it to spite me if nothing else because I've been skeptical about him."

Taemin nodded, looking down at his plate for a moment before looking back over at Jongin. "Sorry to hear about you and Jennie breaking up."

Jongin shrugged slightly, "It's alright. She figured out that I wasn't the perfect boyfriend and that we weren't exactly all that compatible."

"Really? You all seemed pretty compatible when I met her."

"Yeah, that was kind of the night we realized how truly incompatible we actually were."

"Really?" Taemin asked quietly, his eyes darting back away from Jongin's face.

"Yeah." He said, nodding to himself. "She realized I just wasn't what she needed and that she wasn't what I needed."

■

Jongin had been hoping that with them being put together in SuperM that maybe things would change. And at times it seemed like they were. But then they would leave the practices or meetings and things would return back to the same old, never hearing from Taemin, being blocked on Taemin's phone, things.

And eventually even their face to face time was beginning to end up with Taemin being silent or obviously pulling away whenever Jongin wanted to talk or anything. It got to the point of them not really talking to each other in practice as well.

They almost became competitors in a way during their practices - who can memorize the moves the quickest, who can do the best. It all reminds Jongin of their trainee days a little too much. When he was one of the only kids in their age group not terrified of Taemin because of how good he was.

It's not that Jongin wasn't also terrified of Taemin - because he was - it was just that he viewed it more so as an opportunity to upstage Taemin whenever he had to dance alongside him. He had viewed it as an opportunity to prove that he, Kim Jongin, belonged there just as much as Lee Taemin did.

Of course Jongin also still remembered how after he held his own with Taemin in their trainee days, Taemin always seemed to be two steps away from Jongin at any given time.

So he felt very much like he was back being a trainee now. Fighting to keep up with Taemin, to prove he belonged as well. And he was hoping that if he proved he still belonged there that maybe Taemin would let him back in.

The other members seemed to notice the silent competition going on as well, Baekhyun even shot him a couple looks whenever things were getting tense in practice, but no one said anything about it and for that Jongin was thankful. The last thing he needed was to have to acknowledge what was going on.

Jongin knew it was eventually going to spill over. The tension had only been rising and rising every single practice since they went quiet again. And eventually it was going to blow, he knew that. He just hoped it wouldn't come to that, that somehow he'd manage to get through to Taemin before that happened.

■

"You all want me to be the leader, so here I am - being the leader. You all need to figure your guys shit out before we debut."

Jongin looked up, finding Baekhyun standing in the doorway of his room. "What do you think I'm trying to do?"

It had been another rough day at practice, full of Jongin and Taemin competing their way through the day - until Taemin left pretty abruptly.

So Jongin had kind of knew this was coming eventually. Baekhyun standing here - pulling his rank as newly appointed leader of the group to get answers as to what was going on.

"Not figure things out? Cause that's what it seems like you're doing. You all turn every damn practice into a competition between you two." Baekhyun said, shaking his head.

"I'm just focusing on dancing."

"Out dancing Taemin, pushing his buttons on things. You all have a past, Jongin. You can't just keep pushing him like you are - in my opinion it looks like you guys are on two very different levels of what you need or want from each other. You want something more than Taemin does right now, it looks like."

"I don't know what to do, hyung." Jongin said, dropping his eyes to the floor between them.

"Let him be." Baekhyun said, "When you all voted me as the leader, you all willingly gave me the job of taking care of every single one of you. And that involves both you and Taemin. I understand you miss him - trust me, I've seen you mope for a long ass time, I get it - and I think he misses you too, but the way he looks at you now, Jongin, it's not the look of someone who's ready to move on from whatever happened between you guys."

"That's the thing, Baek! Nothing happened between us!" Jongin said, eyes meeting Baekhyun's again. "I was there for him in any way he would let me be there. I fucking held him, I did everything I could. And he kicked me out of his life like I meant nothing after everything."

Baekhyun nodded, looking unsure of what to say. "Jongin, he's broken. One look at the boy and you can see that if you stepped back from your feelings. He looks so heartbroken whenever he looks at you, and I don't know if there's anything you could possibly do to fix that."

"Okay noted. So I'll just half-ass being there, ignore his existence like he does mine. We'll see how good the group flows together when we're both acting like the other doesn't exist."

"You can't make him love you again if he doesn't want to."

"Fuck you! Get out."