The Secrets We Keep - Taekai

the one with the rosary

Before we get into this chapter,
I have another Taekai fic
on here that is a collection
of mostly one shots and sometimes
two or three parters that
I would appreciate some views on.
I have a ton of one shots in the
works right now.
Including at least one that
currently has over 20 thousand
words.

Jongin was laying in his dorm room, staring at something across the room and wondering why thing's happened the way they did. That was nowhere near a new thing for Jongin, but it was more of a commodity nowadays. Ever since Taemin had broken up with him at least.

Today instead of aimlessly wandering around his room, Jongin's eyes were focused on a rosary that was hanging on his wall beside his door. Taemin's rosary - it had been one that Taemin wore frequently, until he put it up in Jongin's room at least.

Jongin wasn't really sure at what point during their relationship Taemin hung the rosary up there. Jongin just knew he had done it on one of the nights that they had spent together, hidden away in Jongin's room.

"Whatcha doing?" Jongin asked, walking back into the room with a couple bottles of water - finding Taemin hanging up a rosary.

Taemin flashed a grin over at him. "I thought you could use a little something in here. It's just something to remind you of me whenever I'm not here."

"I don't think I could forget you even if I tried, Taem." Jongin replied, smiling and pressing his lips to the side of Taemin's forehead. "But thank you. It's beautiful just like you."

Now the rosary was just hanging there haunting Jongin as he laid alone in his bed. It was a constant reminder that at one point in time Taemin had loved him - or at least Jongin thought he had. But really could you just leave someone you loved like Taemin had left him?

In the back of Jongin's head was a quiet voice of reason, one telling him that of course Taemin had loved him. If nothing else was proof of that, the rosary was. Taemin didn't mess around with any of his rosaries, and he didn't give them to just anyone either.

As far as Jongin knew, only him and Jonghyun were in possession of a rosary that had once belonged to Taemin. Jonghyun had gotten one given to him before Shinee World Tour IV, and Jongin remembered Jjong wearing it during the concerts and how happy that made Taemin to see the rosary on Jonghyun.

Taemin was back in possession of that rosary. Key gave it back to him right before the funeral, told him he was sure Jonghyun would have wanted it to go back to Taemin instead of staying with Key.

Jongin's rosary of Taemin's had always hung on the wall ever since it was given to him. He never felt the need to move it or take it down, cause that's where Taemin wanted it to be. For protection - Taemin's voice was as clear as ever in his head.

Maybe the rosary did offer him some protection, nothing bad had seemed to happen to Jongin despite the amount of time that had to have passed since the rosary was placed on his wall. Up until Jonghyun had passed away at least.

The tired part of his brain found it ironic that of course his rosary would stop protecting him as soon as Jonghyun passed away. Maybe the two owners of Taemin's passed down rosaries were connected that way.

But Jongin couldn't bring himself to remove the rosary from his wall even if the former owner was now removed from his life. The rosary was too beautiful to remove - just like it's old owner was.

Maybe one day, he'd be able to remove the necklace from his wall. Wipe his life clean of all reminders of Taemin. Maybe it would be the day he moved out of the dorm - or went into the army. Or got married to someone else.

All he knew for sure was that he wasn't to the point of removing it from his wall just yet.

And honestly he didn't know if he ever would be.

Maybe one day - at some point down the line - he'd be married to some girl and the rosary would be hung up somewhere in their house. Maybe their kids room. And he'd eventually have to come up with a story about how his old friend had given it to him.

Unless Taemin all the sudden showed up one day, asking for the rosary back. Cause after all it was Taemin's rosary. Then obviously the rosary wouldn't be staying on his wall any longer. Cause it wasn't truly Jongin's to keep if that happened. But he didn't think Taemin would just show up asking for the rosary.

In all honesty, he assumed Taemin wanted to just forget Jongin ever existed. And taking the rosary back seemed like it wouldn't help Taemin forget about Jongin. So he didn't expect Taemin to ask for it back at any time.

■

The same rosary hung on Jongin's wall in the months that followed the breakup. He always felt awful bringing someone back to the dorm to hook up with them - he felt like the rosary was almost watching him. The rosary symbolized Taemin, all Jongin could think of when he looked at it was Taemin.

Which was causing issues. A ton of them. But yet he still couldn't bring himself to remove the rosary from his wall. Because he didn't want to lose the last bit of Taemin he still had.

Jongdae was the first of Jongin's bandmates to bring up the rosary hanging on his wall. It was after Jongin had spent countless nights staring at it as it hung on his wall.

Jongdae carried a bag into Jongin's room, helping Jongin carry in all the stuff he had bought on his trip out of the dorm. Jongdae glanced over, eyeing the cross for a moment before looking back at Jongin.

"I didn't realize you were devout enough to have a rosary hanging up. Especially not with your nightly guests." Jongdae said, cracking a slight smile.

"I'm not." Jongin said, shrugging as he walked into the room.

"Then why do you have it up?"

Jongin let out a sigh, sitting down on his bed. "I don't know honestly. Someone else put it up there, told me it would do me some good to have some protection, and I just haven't ever bothered taking it down."

Jongdae nodded, "Look Jongin - you know if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here."

Jongdae always knew more than he ever let on. He didn't want to bring it up, the fact that he had known Jongin and Taemin were together since practically the beginning of their relationship. He never wanted to bring up the fact that he knew because he also knew that Jongin wouldn't have taken the idea that Jongdae knew well.

Jongdae knew Jongin was reserved and private when it came to his true relationships. So Jongdae figured he wouldn't really want to talk to anyone about it anyway, but Jongdae figured he would offer.

But he needed to let Jongin know that he was there if Jongin ever needed someone to talk to. Even if he didn't let on how much he truly knew.

■

Jongin couldn't bring himself to take down the rosary - not for good at least. There were a couple nights where he'd remove it from the wall for a minute or two, and then he'd place it back up where Taemin had left it.

He figured it wasn't hurting anyone for him to leave it up on the wall. Except for maybe himself whenever he looked at it. But then on the other hand there were nights where looking over and seeing a reminder of Taemin was almost comforting to Jongin. So those night's where the rosary was comforting won out - Jongin couldn't remove it from his wall. No matter how much he wanted to some days.

The rosary was staying.