Neon Afterlife

22

Alex and Jason spent hours in the car the next day. The sun beat down gently as the wind breezed in through the open windows. The weather was a counterpoint to the storm that brewed inside Alex. She felt light as she reclined in her seat, but she knew the heaviness was coming. This wasn't a vacation that she was on. She was travelling to claim her father's ashes and take care of what property had been left behind. Not your typical, carefree, 18 year-old stuff. But she wanted, more than anything, to be a carefree, 18 year-old.

Jason took a detour towards Talladega National Forest. He knew it was a little out of the way, but he had a plan.

"Where are you going?" Alex asked.

"I want to show you something."

She sat up attentively as she tried to discern their destination. After a short while, she noticed signs for the park.

"I can't really go hiking."

Jason smiled, "I know."

He pulled in to a parking spot in the park and helped Alex climb out of the car. They didn't travel far when they came to a sign that read, Chinnabee Trail.

"Do you know anything about this trail?" He asked her.

She shook her head.

"Boy Scouts built this trail," he said. "Deaf Boy Scouts."

Alex expected there was more to it than that, so she waited until he continued.

"The troop leader, Moran Colburn, was a deaf guy who became an All American football player for the Silent Warriors football team. Then he became Deaf Coach of the Year a little later. But more than that, he spent over 30 years as the coordinator for the Indian Dance Team."

"And you're telling me this because..."

"It's inspiring," he exclaimed. "Just think about it. This guy did all this stuff and he couldn't hear."

"I'm not a Boy Scout."

"I know."

"I'm not handicapped either."

"Neither was he, clearly."

"I mean, I know I'm going to heal," she said. "But I can't dance anymore."

"That's why I brought you here. To show you that the only thing you really can't do, is give up."

He looked so excited to share this moment with her, but all she could think about was what she'd lost. She didn't want to crush his spirit, but that's what she did.

"I don't need a cheerleader," she spit out.

He was taken aback. This was not what he'd intended.

Her frustration with life and her situation burst out and she continued to lash him with her words, "I don't need to see all the great things other people did. I don't want my picture on an inspirational poster on some kid's wall."

"That's not—"

"It is," she laid into him. "It is exactly what you're doing. You're so optimistic and passionate about everything and I'm not." She didn't even have time to think before the words tumbled from her mouth, "I don't even know why you're helping me. You should just leave me here and forget I ever existed."

"I like you and I'm not leaving you here."

"Why? My life was one note and that was it."

"You're more than one note."

She shook her head, "I'm not though. I don't even know who I am anymore."

"I know who you are."

"You don't," she whispered. "You barely know me at all."

Jason stood in stunned silence. This had not gone well. In his mind, he'd pictured a whole different outcome. Maybe he really was trying to be a cheerleader, but he had wanted her to see that there was more to life than dancing. That she could do so much if she put her mind to it. Alex stood there helpless, looking lost, and his heart ached for her. But he was at a loss too. He looked around for an escape or some way to lighten the mood without hurting her feelings. There wasn't one.

"Can we just go now?" she asked. "Please."

He nodded and they walked back to the car. He trailed behind her as she hobbled with her crutches on the unstable ground.

***