Neon Afterlife

21

Jason crept in to Alex's room as she sat in her wheelchair staring out at the sunset. She seemed oblivious to his presence, so he gently cleared his throat. She turned her attention to him and mustered up a sad smile.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey."

"What're you doing?"

"Thinking."

"About?"

She hesitated, "Nothing."

He frowned and sat on the edge of her bed so he could be eye level with her. "You haven't left this room for more than a meal for a few days now," he said. "Do you not like it here?"

"It's not that." She shook her head. She knew he wouldn't understand, couldn't understand. Her mom was gone. Her dad was gone. She was an orphan now. And she thought that should somehow change her world, but it didn't. She thought she was supposed to be wracked with grief, but she wasn't. Nothing had changed really and that made her... sad.

"You've been alone in here for too long."

"I've been alone for a lot longer than the few days I've been in here," she answered. "It's nothing new."

"But you're not alone," he protested. "I'm here. My mom and dad are here."

Alex smiled at him, "That's just it. Your mom and dad. Not mine."

"What about me?'

"I'm still not sure if you're just playing me." She smiled at him as he chuckled.

"It's time."

"Time for what?" she asked.

"To move on. Move forward with life."

"That's what I was doing," she said. "Then this happened." She gestured at her chair and her injured leg.

"So?" he scorned. "Your life isn't over."

"But everything I lived for is gone," she shot back. "What do you do when everything comes crashing down at once? What have you ever lost? I don't even know why I'm doing this. What's the point?"

She was letting him in further than she'd ever let anyone. She wasn't comfortable being this vulnerable. She felt helpless and needy. And she hated it.

He looked at her, the tears brimming in her eyes that she wouldn't let free. "Duck and cover?" He answered with a silly grin. "Like they teach you in elementary school when a tornado's coming." He put his hands over the back of his head and hid his face with his elbows, hoping to lighten the mood.

It didn't work as Alex seemed exasperated, "That's what I'm doing."

He nodded, "You need to figure things out. Settle with your past. I can't answer your questions for you. That's something you have to wrestle with. But I can help you in one way, pack your bag. We're going on a road trip."

"Where to?"

"Hot Springs."

She nodded and knew he was right. She had to face the past in order to move beyond it. She needed to go home... one last time. But she was afraid of what she might find. What if she discovered that her life really was meaningless? Or worse, what if she got stuck in the past and Jason left her there? Her insecurities mounted as she contemplated what she had to do next and she turned away from Jason towards the window once more.

"Why do you want to help me now? I don't have anything to offer anymore."

He moved to her and placed his hand on her shoulder. "It was never about what you could do for me." The warmth of his touch nearly broke her as she struggled to swallow the emotions rising up inside. She hadn't felt like she mattered to anyone in years, but Jason made her feel like she was special. Like she was wanted.

She sighed heavily, "When do we leave?"

***