Irrationality (Aizawa x reader)

Chapter Twenty-Two

Shota sat next to (Y/n), his fingers laced with hers. She'd been unconscious for a few days now.

The doctors weren't sure if she would wake up or not.

"You know, talking to her is supposed to help... Maybe hearing your voice will... you know. Just give it a try." Hizashi's voice rang through Shota's head.

At this point, he was willing to try anything. He just wanted her to wake up.

"Hey, it's me, Shota. It's been a while hasn't it?"

He was met with nothing but the beeps of the heart monitor.

"I-" he sighed, this felt silly, "Apparently talking to you is supposed to help you. I'm not sure how though..."

His eyes lazily searched her face for any type of response.

"Supposedly you can hear everything I'm saying. Maybe I'm supposed to say something profound, something heart touching... to convince you to stay."

At this point he was mostly talking to himself.

"I don't know. I could just list off all of the rational reasons for you to stay. Your family. Your friends. The students..."

He squeezed her hand.

"Or maybe I should try to convince you that you should stay here for me."

"But how could I? There's nothing for me to offer you other than myself,... and that's not much."

"I could never offer as much to you as you do to me. I could never be good enough for someone as amazing as you."

"You've always been someone I could rely on. You've never turned away when I needed something, no matter how many times I pushed you away. You were always so persistent."

"And what did I do when you pushed me away? I turned the other way. I thought that you would just come to me if you really needed something."

"When you didn't, I felt betrayed. What had I done not to deserve your trust over some other person?"

"I should've pushed more. Checked in on you more. You've always been that way. Hiding away all of your pain, as though you thought you didn't deserve any help."

"You didn't want to bother anyone."

"For you, honestly, I would do anything. I'd risk everything in a heartbeat."

"It's too late now, huh?"

"Too late to take back every dammed thing I've done that hurt you. Too late to tell you how my heart still skips a beat at the thought of you."

"Too late for us."

"..."

"(Y/n) I-" he pursed his lips, "Please wake up... There's so much I need to tell you."

The room fell silent.

Beep. Beep.

The steady beeps of the heart monitor sobered Shota. His face and throat burned. He wiped his cheeks.

"I remember, back when we were in high school, you'd always get scolded by Recovery Girl."

"She'd always be upset about something careless you did, but she always had a soft spot for you. She'd have gifts for you from time to time."

"I didn't understand why at first. I thought maybe you had known her as a kid or something."

"When I found out why you spent every morning in her office, I was so angry with myself... for not noticing how you would hide bandages... for not noticing the bruises... for not noticing how you would flinch anytime Hizashi got too loud or someone would raise their hands a little too quickly..."

"I remember promising myself that I'd always be there for you, no matter what. That I'd protect you from that situation."

Bitterly, he chuckled to himself, "Look at where we are now. I didn't notice that you were going through something again. I let you get hurt by your childhood trauma again, by me no less."

"I just hope we can come full circle and you can be scolded by Recovery Girl again."

Silence filled the room once more. The gentle heart monitor reminding him that you were still alive.

He stood up.

"This is the last time that I can visit you, at least for a while. I have to go to the training camp."

He bit his lip.

"Don't keep me waiting for too long, please," he whispered, before leaving the room.