Yes Sir - (TordTom)

Dysthemic - 18

-TORD'S POV-

The next morning was awkward, to say the least. I had learnt a lot about Thomas, things I wouldn't expect in a million years. I was actually happy he was into the same things as I, but at the same time concerned. He was only recently of legal age but apparently he seems to have had these experiences before. I know I can't bluntly ask him, so I suppose I'll wait for the right time and place.

Tom turned over on the bed and opened his eyes a bit, I looked down at him and smiled slightly. "Do you know what today is?" I attempted to remind him but he just sat up a bit and shook his head, rubbing his eyes. "It's your birthday." I chuckled and pulled him into my lap, petting his hair gently. "Oh... you remembered? Wait how did you know?" The boy stammered a bit upon waking up.

"I have all your papers, I know everything about you. Well, nearly everything." I hissed a bit at the topic I had been thinking about, but I knew this wasn't going to be the right time just yet. "Oh really?" He replied in a snarky tone before quickly shutting up and becoming embarrassed. Maybe he was hiding something? "Is something wrong?" I asked obviously. "N-No Sir! I just thought that was interesting..."

Tom averted his eyes and blushed. "Why don't you tell me the truth, Thomas?" I lifted his chin and made our eyes meet, he seemed to get lost for a moment. "D-Did you see a criminal record?" He stammered, his breath hitching. "No, do you have one?" I tried to hide a slight smirk, after all what could he have possibly done? "M-Maybe... I was just with some bad people I-"

"Tom I'd be lying if I said I never hurt anybody either. I've killed, hundreds... of thousands. But I have reasoning, do you?" I managed to cut him off even thought he was getting defensive. "I-I NEVER SAID I K-KILLED ANYBODY!" Tom quickly reprimanded that statement. Now I was worried, since I could tell he was trying to hide something big. I moved him out of my lap and made him sit on the bed while looking at me. "What did you do?" I said lowly and solemnly, maintaining a serious expression and tone of voice.

Tom teared up and shook his head, I could almost hear  his heart pounding. I realized just a little too late that he was going to have a panic attack. "Hey now, just calm down." I took in a deep breath and handed him Tomee bear, then got up and got a cold towel from the bathroom to put on his forehead. I gave him a hug and then sat down once more. He was starting to get really quiet.

The last time I saw him this petrified and silent was during that shooting by the food-court, he got in the car and questioned what was happening then just went silent. Was he having flashbacks to a previous event? "I know it stressed you out, but we're going to need to know what happened. I can't let you keep suffering, and if you talk about it maybe we can help you."

He just kept crying silently, trying to breath but struggling. "I-I k-k-killed h-her..." Tom said quietly, shaking violently as his eyes got a bit brighter. "Who?" I questioned, trying to stay calm in the heat of the moment. Or in the cold. "I-I just w-w-wanted t-to p-p-pro-protect my-myself... s-so selfish..." He dug his fingernails into his skin with dread. He seemed to be fading in and out of consciousness as I tried to ground him.

"Please tell me more." I insisted as he attempted to speak some more. "M-My m-mother... I-I shot h-her." The dark eyed boy stopped his hyperventilation and changed. "Why?" I tried to keep it short as I wanted better answers and not to stress him out. "She was... killing a bunny in her garden. It kept eating her vegetables."  Tom seemed oddly calm, like he was preparing for something bigger.

"That's awful... but that's what made you kill her?" I tried my best not to stammer, which must've seemed out of character to my lieutenant. But he was far too caught up in his PTSD to even notice. "I told them. But then they told me she was unharmed." We all went silent in slight confusion. "She was never shot, nobody was ever killed. It was all my 'imagination', they said." Tom looked around a bit. "It's all in my head, they said."

"It's all anxiety, and nothing more. It's fear of the unknown. It's nothing important, just an imbalance of chemicals in my brain. I don't know what's real anymore." He let a single tear go down his face, but his voice wasn't shaky and he didn't seem scared. I wanted to speak up but I struggled with sounding calm, "It must be terrifying to be told everything you believe in is 'false', when it's not a fact, but an opinion." He nodded in agreement.

"I tried so hard to find what I was doing wrong. Nothing but Dysthemia, PTSD and some ADHD ever showed up on my diagnosis report... so I guess my anxiety can tell me what is real and not. And that's it, all it is, is anxiety. So what am I supposed to do? Go outside! But how the fuck do you get someone with a fear of other people, streets, cars, buildings, to go outside?! It's a never ending loophole of, 'too scared to go outside, but going outside will make things better!'." Tom growled a bit as I listened silently from now on.