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🌻⛅🖤
i kiss his fingertips
REAL LIFE !
Anna had always struggled with her inner demons. For many others, these demons would be the result from a traumatic experience. For her, however, these demons had crept up on her like a thief in the night, gradually embedding themselves into every aspect of her life until she could no longer distinguish herself without her them.
This demon, referred to as anxiety, had taken such control of her life that it had disturbed every piece of joy that she was able to cling onto. She was never unhappy per say, for she knew that she had a wonderful life to be thankful for, but she also felt like she was constantly in warfare with her own mind.
However, she knew that she was a warrior, and she knew that she was stronger than anything that life would throw her way. Through the years, she had reached out, and had ultimately found herself developing coping strategies to manage the anxiety and the toll it had on her. She knew that there was no finish line to the journey she was on, but she kept trekking towards it regardless.
She remains frozen in place, staring into the mirror across the room and analyzing every feature of the woman staring back at her. She notices that her palms have began to sweat, as well as a feeling of nausea has stimulated from her state of dizziness. She glances down towards her hands, watching as her fingers fidget with the material of her black hoodie.
She openly counts to ten, inhaling on every odd number and exhaling on each even number. This had been a technique that was taught to her many years ago, but is a strategy that she still implements when she feels her anxiety unexpectedly advancing. She also strives to place a narrative to her anxiety, forcing herself to imagine a time where she was able to overcome this demon - a moment where she was more powerful. And through using these methods, she gradually feels herself slowly reaching baseline.
Standing up from the couch, she looks into the mirror and smooths the wrinkles in her shirt.
But then she felt her phone vibarate against her and Pete's name pops up on her screen. Just the thought of hin triggers a feeling of helplessness that she has not experienced in a long time.
And before she can even realize what was happening, the panic hits her like a thief in the night.
She closes her eyes firmly together, striving to seal the tears that have instantly gathered in her eyes. She clenches her trembling hands into a fist, squeezing so tightly that her nails leave cuts into the palms of her hand. She can feel her heart thudding in her chest, beating so quickly that she is certain she will have a heart attack.
Please no she begs herself, please not now.
She feels her throat closing off, and in an attempt to find breath, her chest heaves up and down repeatedly. Her hand jumps to her face, noticing the dampness, and she cannot determine if this is the result of her weeping or the way that she is profusely sweating.
"Oh my god," she breathes.
At this point, she is hyperventilating, allowing loud gaps to fall from her mouth as she strives to breathe.
Her eyes glance towards the ceiling desperately praying that Harry is somewhere close.
And then she hears the knock. Dragging her feet towards the door she slowly reaches it and grabs the doorknob.
When his eyes meet hers she lowers down onto the ground so that she can sit, because her loss of breath has caused her to become weak. She continues to weep as her chest heaves repeatedly, and even from afar, he can notice her trembling body. Without a moment of hesitation, Harry instantly places both hands onto the side of her face, holding it steady in front of his so that he can stare directly into her eyes.
"Breathe, Anna," he instructs. "Breathe. Just keep breathin"
She does not breathe, but instead continues to gasp for breaths.
"You need to fucking breathe, Anna, just keep breathin" Harry repeats his instructions.
She listens to Harry, who continues to hold her face firmly in front of his. Harry begins counting to ten, and together, she and Harry inhale and exhale on each number. As she continues to breathe, Harry nods his head in satisfaction, recognizing that she her state of panic is slowly declining.
"Keep going, my love," he encourages. "You're okay."
It was a sight to see - Harry, dressed in his pajamas, kneeling on the ground beside Anna in an attempt to comfort her. But nonetheless, she slowly regains control of her breathing, and her body no longer trembles. When her state of panic is nearly alleviated, Harry pulls her towards him so that he can wrap his arms around her. She digs her face into his chest, allowing her tears to stain the fabric of his black shirt. Harry rests his mouth upon her head and tenderly kisses it.
"I'm so sorry," she whispers, apologetically. "I'm really sorry, but I can't control this." she says between her sobs.
Her face burns with embarrassment, for not only did Harry see her in this state but she made him come from the other side of town just for her stupid problems.
"Anna, don't ever apologize for this," Harry says. He bends down to grab onto her arms, gently pulling her onto her feet.
"Okay?" he asks.
She nods her head, but Harry, of course, knows her far too well to believe her façade.
"Why don't we go back to your room and rest?" Harry suggests.
She shakes her head, accepting his suggestion. He picks her up bridal style and makes his way towards the bedroom. When they have reached her king size bed, he tucks her in her sheets making sure she's okay.
"Harry, I'm fine." Harry nods his head, and although he is skeptical, he agrees with her. He moves towards her, resting his hand upon her waist and leaving a kiss upon her forehead.
"M'so proud of you," Harry whispers into her ear. "My warrior."
And she truly is, for although she knows that she will always be on a continuous journey with her anxiety, she also knows that she is tougher than anything life throws her way. She is a fighter, prepared for battle against her internal demons.
Plus she has a pretty great boy-friend - one who will always be there for her.
He turns to leave when he hears her sweet voice whisper. "Hey Harry..." "Yeah?" he whispers back. "Will you stay with me?"
