Not Her

CHAPTER 14

Hi everybody. Thank you all for keep in up with the story so far. This chapter is kind of my favourite, so I hope you'll enjoy yet.
xoxoxoxo.

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I am still incapable of understanding the big hype about this fucking school musical. Everybody in school is going crazy about it. It’s the end of the year and all seniors want to leave something to be remembered with: the perfect musical, the perfect scores, the perfect basketball game, the cutest couple photo...

What is all of this? So nothing matters if other people don’t see it or remember it? Can’t we just live for the sake of living? And stop trying to impress people all the time?

This is what is wrong with our generation: we care so much about what other people think of us. So we forget to entitle to important values in life like family, friends, love, and honesty. With the help of technology and social media, one gives more fucks about other people’s opinions than ever before. Now we validate our selves by the number of likes and flattering comments we get on pictures. Everybody wants to be the next big thing, to matter, to be admired and looked up for. So what is the easiest way to achieve that in the twenty-first century? Let me help you.

Laura's guide to being a basic happy/healthy/trendy teenager:

First things first: forget about being yourself, other people can do that for you. Second: Be popular on some social platform. Anything would do Instagram, Facebook, tumbler, Pinterest, anything. To do so you can create drama, for example, break up with your boyfriend/girlfriend via text message and post the screenshot on your Instagram so people can know how savage you are (I honestly saw this before). Or throw shade at people and just be mean. And obviously act different and all fake to show how perfect and exciting your life is.

 You can also come up with a new stupid challenge or a new fashion trend. Or just show off: your beauty, your skills; no matter how poor they are, just show everybody that you can do something. You can sing? Post your covers online. You can play basketball for example? Instead of practicing to improve it; go show off about how good your shots are. You are lucky enough to have friends or a partner in your life? Post pictures together and show people that you are very popular and liked. But don’t you try to enforce the relationship between you and the other person, leave them in times of need. Run away if they get too attached or too boring. And please don’t forget to tell others every single secret they ever shared with you. Because why not? At least you’ll get their attention for a second or two. You went to a party and had a great time? It doesn’t count if you don’t tell everyone about it and brag about your hookups and shit. Go ahead and tweet about it.

The end.

Luckily not everyone is that superficial, not everyone is so fake, there is a lot of great interesting and real people out there, a small number of humans who just don’t give a fuck about anyone else’s opinion. They decided to live their lives their own way and make their own choices. I’ve found one of those great people, but I lost him now.

I fell on the first empty seat I found, wearing an oversized sweatshirt, ripped jeans with a soda stain on them, white dirty sneakers and an awful messy bun. Not even the cute kind of messy bun. I started eating my lunch. Waiting for this week to end and the school year with it.

Nothing matters to me here. Exams are pretty much over now, I had no “end of the school year” participation, no friends to say goodbye to. The guy I cared about the most is not interested in me. So yeah! High school is already over for me.

 Everybody was feeling nostalgic and stuff but I didn’t feel anything. None of the few happy moments I had in my life took place in school.

I don’t have any big dreams; like going to space or being a millionaire or a rock star. All I want is experiencing new things and forgetting about this chapter of my life. Start a new one, a better one. Chasse my passion and just being myself out there.

‘Do you have a date, my lady?’

I turned around to face Jordan smiling at me. He sat in front of me. 

‘You mean for the Prom?’ I asked, mouth filled with salad. I just don’t care to be my messed self around him. Especially because he is way too in love now to notice me. Even if I was wearing a Cinderella’s dress or something.

He nodded.

‘I’m not going.’ I answered not even bothering to empty my mouth. His eyes went wide open as if I said something unbelievably irrational. 

I didn’t even think about it. Me? Prom? No way. What is prom? Celebrating the end of high school. Period. A simple event that became overrated by movies and comics. The stress of being oh so perfect with your date and looking all classy in a pink Lamborghini driving you to school. Dancing all night with a cute boy in your arms. It sounds too overwhelming.

‘Hey don’t look at me like that, prom is not my thing. Plus, I don’t have a companion. What about you?’ I answered taking another big bite of my sandwich. ‘You asked her yet?’

He looked at me for a short moment, in a very disappointing way, then ripped the plastic over his bagel and started eating it without answering. What the hell did I say? Maybe I shouldn’t have asked him about her. His mood went from ten to zero in a fraction of a second. She is tearing us apart already.

‘What you broke up that fast?’ I joked.

‘You’re not funny,' he said in a serious tone, making my smirk fade off.

Fine. God! Fuck this drama. I don’t want to start the summer with a fight.

I moved next to him and took his hand in mine forcing him to look at me in the eyes. ‘There is nothing I hate more than cliché parties, but if that bitch is stupid enough to reject my awesome best friend. Then I’ll go with you.’

Those words hurt me as they came out of my own mouth. But I meant every single one. At this point, I don’t care if he likes someone else. What matters the most is his happiness, I want to see him smiling all the time. That smile goes straight to my broken heart and light it with joy. No matter how awful I feel when thinking of him with someone else. The thought of seeing him miserable is far more hurtful.

He looked at me with his brown tender gaze and whispered to himself: ‘She is indeed stupid.’

I attempted to say something comforting. But he was now looking straight into my eyes, in a way he never did before. Making me lose the balance of myself.

I suddenly realized how close we were and he probably did too. We froze up just fixing each other. 

I knew what was coming, and yet he surprised me by brushing so lightly over my bottom lip. My heart skipped a beat. I could hear it beat so loud in my chest. My whole face was burning, I thought I’ll faint out. 

The next thing I knew his hand was on my cheek and his lips were against mine in the sweetest most delicate kiss ever. His lips were so soft and his hold felt gentle.

 In that brief second my head was clear. A part of me always knew he was talking about me the whole time. My stupid low self-esteem made me question something so fucking obvious.

I opened my eyes to meet his. Back from heaven.

HOLY SHIT WE JUST KISSED IN THE SCHOOL CAFETERIA!

Everybody was looking at us. Some of them were smiling, others were murmuring to each other.

He smiled at me and whispered in my ears: ‘Should I always demonstrate things to you?’

‘I’m a fucking idiot.' I answered feeling a sparkle of joy burning my cheeks.