Not Her

CHAPTER 19

The university I got in was only a few miles away from home. I could come back every weekend. Not sure if that’s a bad or good thing: of course, I want to be able to see my family frequently; but this town and most people in it gave me only bad memories.

 Dealing with mean girls, bullies, homophobes. Going through fights; being rejected, heartbroken, mistreated. I don’t want to remember that.

I lived here for seventeen years and I made zero friends. Well; I made one special best friend but I lost her.

 The only beautiful thing I got in here was him. That handsome son of a bitch who made my life colorful again and taught me what it is like to be in love. I was trying so hard to get his image out of my head but everything around me reminded me of him. Even my body.

His eyes, his lips on mine, his beautiful laugh, and the last words we share. It was all stocked in my head keeping me from enjoying anything. 

The regret of saying or not saying something, doing or not doing that thing or the other, the hesitation of calling or texting him. Imagining how our conversation would go, overthinking about his own thoughts, wondering what he is doing. It’s all fucking exhausting.

*

I got up from a brief nap, drowned in sweat with an awful headache. The kind of headache that makes you question ‘where the hell I am and what year is it?’

 I checked my phone: It was four o’clock and still no text from him.

I took a cold shower to relax a little and clean my mind of those negative ideas and memories, I stayed in the bathtub for one long hour, drinking soda as wine. Just pretending to be a millionaire. Everybody does it. Right?

The weather outside was extremely beautiful, bright shining sun and a perfectly blue sky. The hot atmosphere in July is the best thing about summer. 

I got downstairs. The house was empty, mom and dad would not be here for dinner. It is their date night.

Everybody including my brother is out swimming and eating ice-cream with their friends and loved ones, and I’m just sitting alone deciding what’s the less awful thing to watch on Netflix. Fuck it I’m going out.

As I walked through the blocks, I realized that the farthest I get from the ‘fancy houses’  the more it felt like home.

 It is pretty hard to make friendships with cocky people. Even if they lived next door to you and you had been seeing them every day for the past sixteen years while checking your mailbox, or taking the trash out. Or even after going to school with their kids from kindergarten until high school. 

None of those things helped me or my family gain friends from our neighborhood. Money is a mean bitch.

On the contrary, people who live in the "average" buildings, and occupy these blocks were all nice to me. I even remember making friendships with some of them. 

I stopped a minute to admire the birds singing in the trees, the flowers, the bushes and the laughter of some of the kids playing with plastic guns. A beautiful relaxing sensation flooded my soul, I took a deep breath appreciating this beautiful day.

But my peace got interrupted very rapidly as I heard people yelling a couple of feet away. I got closer to the voices in the corner. 

There were three guys on the ground fighting, one of them was hitting a boy younger than him, and the third one was trying to separate them.

Is that my brother? I thought, getting closer to them. I could feel the blood boiling in my veins.

‘Get the fuck off my brother you piece of shit,' I yelled out of my mind as I pulled the big guy off Jason. I kicked him straight in the balls, making him roll over the ground.

I turned around to help Jason but the third kid ran to him before I could move and helped him to get up. He seemed so worried about him, checking the scars on his jaw and hands.

 Jason was pushing him away multiple times but he kept standing there by his side. They were communicating without saying a single word, only their eyes spoke, it was electric.

 I just stood there looking at them like an idiot. I recognized that boy, taking care of my injured brother with such love and affection. He was the guy from the pictures. He was Ed.

Before I could open my mouth, a stronger body pushed me to the ground and got on top of me, making my elbow scratch. ‘I’m not afraid of hitting a girl, bitch,’ he threatened. ‘Tell your faggot brother to keep it away of my brother or next time I’ll smash his fucking head.’

His words made me angrier and enraged, I hit his mouth with all the power I had. 

His eyes got all red of anger. He looked madly furious. I tried to push him away but his grasp on my collar made me unable to move. 

I was so scared. I knew he would hit the shit out of me without hesitation. But I didn't regret defending my little brother from such homophobic asshole. So let it be.

The guys were trying to pull him off me again but he was much stronger than the three of us combined. 

He spat the blood off his mouth and looked at me in rage. I closed my eyes in terror expecting a punch right in my face. But that didn’t happen. Instead, his heavyweight was suddenly off my body. I opened my eyes to see him and Jordan fighting.

What the fuck?! How did he even get here?

This is a nightmare. Everything happened at once, I couldn’t acknowledge it. 

I touched the back of my head and saw blood and everything around me seemed blurry and started moving fast.

I couldn’t even hear my own voice screaming.  I gave up to the dizziness and my eyes were closed.