Love Hides The Truth

Chapter 16

I walk through the door out into the hall and my body smashes into someone. My butt hits the ground and my face fills with embarrassment. 

Looking down I stand up and mutter, "I'm so sorry."

I glance up and my mind goes foggy. Standing right in front of me is Gage. He's close enough that his breath moves my hair. I want to move, but I have no feeling in my legs.

"Cody?" He whispers.

My heart is beating so fast it feels like it could escape me any second. I shake my head and back up. He fills the space back up with two steps and is closer this time. 

His eyebrows furrow as his hand reaches for my face, "Have you been crying?" 

I swat his hand down with mine, "Don't touch me."

"Cody, please." His voice breaks and for a second my heart aches for him.

My mind returns to me, "Leave me alone Gage."

"Tell me what's wrong." 

"And why would I do that?"

I watch as he searches for answer, "Please."

"Gage." I spit out his name with so much hurt and anger behind it.

He senses I'm going to run and wraps his hand around my arm to keep me in place. 

"Let me go."

"Cody, can we please talk?"

"No, I need to get home." I break out of his grasp and jog down the hall towards the lobby. 

I hear his steps behind me which pushes me faster. I escape out the front doors and sit down on the steps in defeat. Gage pours out the doors shortly after and sees me. He takes a seat next to me and stares at me.

"Let me drive you home, please."

I shake my head and play with my fingers.

"I just want to talk to you, then once you've heard me you can forget me forever."

"I already have." 

"Cody please."

My heart hides my mind as I stare at the boy I thought I loved, "Fine."

Relief floods his face, "Really?"

I nod and stand up, "Let's go before I change my mind."

I follow Gage to his Jeep with my arms crossed over my stomach, I start regretting my decision the closer we get. Gage reaches to open my door for me like he used to, but I quickly pull it open and get inside. I watch him walk to his side of the car with pain in his eyes. Why does he look so broken when he never felt the same about me? Why does he feel guilty if we were just "fooling around"? Why do I feel sorry for him? He hurt me. He lied. Gage lied.

Once we're on the road I feel him look over at me, but I dodge his eyes. 

"I'm sorry. You know that don't you."

"I know it and I hear it, but I don't believe it." I snap.

"I am." Gage whispers.

Silence fills the car like smoke. I watch the trees fly by on the same road as the night of our first kiss. It seems so long ago, but it's only been one week. 

"Tell me why you were crying." He asks casually as though I still trust him.

"This isn't like before, Gage. You can't break my heart then ask me about my personal life."

"I-I broke your heart?"

I roll my eyes and ignore his question. How does he not know this? He left me crying on my floor after ripping me to shreds with one sentence. He clearly wasn't affected at all by that night.

"I miss you." He says it so quietly, I don't think he knew I heard him.

I finally look over at him and see tears on his cheeks. How long has he been crying? I shouldn't feel bad for him, but I do. Maybe he is sorry. Maybe it did hurt him. Maybe he's just a really good liar. A tear falls down my face as I watch him wipe his away. I want to reach forward and wipe them for him, but he'll read into it wrong. I don't want to forgive him. I don't want to let him in. My heart wants otherwise. It wants to fill the cracks with Gages love, but I can't fill them with something that doesn't exist.

"Gage." I mumble unclear of what I want to say next.

His bloodshot eyes look into mine, "Yes?"

"What do you want me to say?"

"I want you to say you'll come back. That you'll be mine again. That you forgive me for what happened that night, for lying and leaving you in the tears I caused." 

"I can't."

"Why?" 

"I can't go back to what never existed. You essentially told me you never had feelings for me and I meant nothing to you." 

He pulls the car over and parks, "T-that's not true. I lied to protect myself. I knew if I admitted my feelings for you that night you wouldn't have believed me. You would've have thought I made it up, so I told you that instead."

"That's fucking messed up Gage!", I'm yelling through my sobs now, "You told me a lie because you were too scared of the truth. You lied to me about Amber then tried to save yourself with another lie. Do you not see the problem here?!"

"I loved you Cody! Hell I still do! I knew if I said it then it would change the meaning. I didn't want to lose you!"

"Well you did Gage."

"Cody, please."

"So what Gage. You love me. Do you think that hides the fact that you walked around with a secret around your wrist? You wore her fucking bracelet then proceeded to tell me you still had feelings for her. I know we only just met, but you don't make some feel like your girlfriend when there's a hidden girl."

"I never asked you out and I didn't owe you any story about Amber. She was my ex. I didn't know I had to give you a background story on every girl I've dated."

And just like that all love I had towards him drains out of me.

"Go to hell."

I open my door and jump out of his car, letting the door slam behind me. I hear his muffled screams behind me as I walk. My feet hit the gravel and pull my broken heart towards my house. I turn around and see his Jeep hasn't moved. Just like last time he lets me get away. This time I'm glad he does. Tears pour down my face the whole way home where I burst through the door and run to my room. It sit with my back against the door and I notice the pattern. Life burns me and I end up in the same place every time. I believe, but I always end up against this stupid door. I stand up and find my dad's old tool box stuffed in a closet. After finding the screwdriver I remove each hinge of my door as I scream through sobs. The door slams against the old oak with a bang and I collapse to the floor. I slam my fist against the floor and weep.