Army Strong II- Through Hell & Back

6)I Refuse

I was allowed to go back home for my mother's funeral. Since my story, or my fake story, had been all over the news, this was a big deal for the media. I mean, "War Hero loses all her family to enemy attack" is indeed a great tittle. I would've bought the newspaper if I wasn't living the story. The President knew this would be all over and if I wasn't there people would start asking questions. Don't mistake it for compassion. These big dogs don't care about anyone or anything but their politics and their money.

My mother and my friends were given a military ceremony. Of course. Everything to look good in the picture. Every soldier from my base was there, dressed accordingly in their pretty dark blue uniforms and their guns.

The coffins were sealed. I wasn't even given the chance of seeing them for the last time. There was probably nothing to see anyway. From what I was told, the bomb blew up very close to them. Last time I had seen my mom was about a year or so ago... And now she was gone forever.

I felt cold. Not physically cold, just cold inside... This numbness had taken over me, it was like I couldn't feel anything at all. I couldn't bring myself to care. Everything seemed so uninteresting, so tasteless, so unreal. I felt like I was living a dream, a nightmare to be honest. Even the colors seemed to have lost its shine, everything was so grey.

I was wearing my dark blue uniform as well. The military was all I knew. I had no idea how to act outside anymore. I didn't know what to dress so I just put on my uniform.

Everything happened so fast. I just stood there, numb, physically there but mentally gone. It felt like I was slowed down, like I couldn't keep up.

Ellie!-Vargas grabbed my arm. I jumped in my chair.-I've been calling you for a while now...-I swear I didn't even hear him.-It's done Ellie. They're gone, everybody already left... It's pouring rain. Let's go. I'll take you home.

-You're bothering me.-I told him in a cold tone, almost whispering.-Please stop.

-I'm trying to help you...

-Well, don't.-I looked him in the eyes.-I don't need your sympathy. Back off.

My tone came out way more aggressive than I first intended it to be. He didn't fight me. He just sighted, got up and left. I was alone there, staring at the freshly covered graves where everybody I had left was laying dead. I had so much anger inside of me. I wasn't even sad anymore. I was angry! I was so fucking angry! Suddenly, I heard a camera flash behind me over and over and I just lost it. I got up and walked towards the photographer. As I was moving towards him, I felt my blood rushing through my veins so fast it burned me. The rage I had caged inside was on the loose and I couldn't control myself.

-You want a story?-I asked him. I couldn't even see his face anymore. There was only red in my sight. I started punching him and I just couldn't stop. I wanted to but my body didn't feel mine anymore. I hit him until Vargas came out of nowhere and immobilized me.

-God dammit, Ellie!-He let go of me, pushing me away violently.-Get out of here! Now!-He kneeled near the guy. He was in pretty bad shape.

-There's your fucking story!-I said and left.

I went back to the base. I didn't really have anywhere else to go. My mom's house was definitely not my first choice anymore. However, the news traveled fast and soon I was being called to the office to answer for my crime.

-Jones, tell me this is not true...-The boss sighted. I shrugged my shoulders.

-He was disrespecting my privacy... Said he wanted a story. Well, now he has a story.-I answered

-He and every goddamn newspaper around the country!-He slammed his hand on the table.-Do you even realize the position you put us in? Do you think the media will care about your privacy? They will eat us alive!

-The position I put you in?- I laughed. Man I was pissed the fuck off.- Did any of you ever care about the position you put me in?! You all made a liar out of me!- I screamed- You all punished me for following orders! As if I hadn't been punished enough! You shoved me away, you stole my life, the time I had with those I love! And now they're gone! They're all gone! I've got nothing! I lost everything! But hey, you guys gave me a medal so it's cool, right? I gave everything I had for my country and look what i get back!- I threw him the medal- A piece of fucking garbage! You know what? Fuck you... Just fuck you all!

-JONES!-He screamed at me and got up violently.-GET YOUR SHIT AND GET THE FUCK OUT! YOU'RE DISMISSED!

-Gladly!-I turned my back on him and walked away.

-Watch your six, Jones...-He told me as I was by the door. -Once you're out of here, there's no one watching your back...-I sighted and regret ever speaking to him like that. You see, this guy was a pain in the ass and a tough bone to chew, but deep down, he never even doubted me. He cared for me, felt for me and even tried to look out for me as much as he could. He was as the closest to a fatherly figure I had ever had.

-Don't worry, sir...-I looked back at him and gave him a little smile.-It's time to threw myself to the wolves and either come back leading the pack or die trying. I refuse to be another silenced voice.-I closed the door behind me and left.