The Pink Hotel

Insanity

"Why are you always cold?" I asked Nell as we sat down. We had decided to find out everything about each other considering we wouldn't have time to do that in the future. To me, it seemed like a good idea.

Nell gave me an off look. She seemed like she wasn't really a fan of my question which made no sense considering it was pretty simple. It also wasn't very rude either in fact the question wasn't rude at all.

This wasn't the first time things like this had happened. Nell told me a lot of things but at the same time, she still kept her secrets. I had done the same and I had also chosen to respect that.

"That's a dumb question," said the girls she crossed her arms and raised her eyebrow. To me, it honestly wasn't dumb. I really wanted to say that but I knew it would do no good in the end.

"You could say that," I said slowly "what music do you like?"

This time was different from the first. She seemed to tense up as if she was nervous. She scratched the back of her neck as she "thought". Maybe she was just embarrassed.

"probably..some oldies?" she said in a questionable tone. It seemed like she didn't know the answer herself.

"oh, ok," I said hoping she would find a good topic to talk about. I clearly wasn't very capable of doing that.

It took a long time of thinking and awkward silence until Nell finally came up with a question.

A question I didn't allow her to ask.

I had a burning question ever since I met her. It was something I needed to get off of my chest and now seemed like a perfect time.

"the bandaid?" I asked with one eyebrow raised. That was the game-changer. She got up from the bed and ran her hands into her hair in what looked like anger. Of course, this also ticked her off but I knew this time was different.

"why would you ask that!?" she shouted as she pointed get finger at me. I sat there in confusion. Normally when someone asks you what's on your face you just reply not throw a fit and yell.

"it's just a bandaid!" I yelled as I got off of the counter "just a small bandaid!! Why are you being extra??"

"a small bandaid?? Do you wanna see what's under it" she screamed as she began pulling at the bandaid. Her eyes were wide. She looked like she had absolutely gone insane.

Suddenly I heard a loud knob twist. I quickly turned to my door to see who would be walking in. Hoping it wouldn't be who I thought it was.

"what the hell are you yelling about," said a familiar voice that was in no place to judge me "no body's even here!!"

"Are you blind??" I questioned "my friend Nell is here" I began ushering the girl out of my room. I really didn't want to deal with her or talk to her.

"there's no one here," she said seriously as she grabbed both of my shoulders "Are you ok?"

I ignored her question and slowly began turning around. In hopes that Josie had just been crazy. To me, that seemed like the most plausible answer. she was clearly there. She must've been really blind. That's all that made sense.

My heart stopped the moment my eyes fell on the room I had just been both playing and having fun in. Everything was absolutely silent. Pillows had been on the floor and my bed had remained a mess.

Nell was gone. Gone.

Sickness began to grow in my stomach I felt like I was going to throw up at the sight of my only friend not being there. I thought she was all I had but I didn't even have her.

Was she even there in the first place or had I fully gone crazy. The second answer seemed to make more sense.

The girl I had grown to know well. The girl who's company I actually enjoyed. She didn't exist. I was truly crazy. My whole life I had never expected to go crazy but here we were. This whole time I made someone up just go keel me sane but the truth was it only made me more insane. 

My knees began giving out. I felt like I honestly could've have passed out at that very moment. My knees finally hit the ground as I stared at the area I had so many memories in. Memories that didn't even exist. I felt truly sick.

"get out" I whispered as tears began falling out of my eyes. I wanted to be alone. Even if that went wrong every time. I didn't care.

Josie grabbed me from behind me and began hugging me. She must be thought that I didn't mean what I said but I always met what I said. I needed to be alone. Being alone was my only solitude. It was my only peace. My whole life being alone was always my peace. I needed peace.

"do you think I'm joking? You weren't there when I needed you so now I have myself. That's how I wanna keep it"

She slowly took her hands off of me. I knew she knew there was no going back. I didn't forgive her nor would I forget what happened. I didn't care how crazy I would go without her. I was just that stubborn.

The door shut behind me and I instantly let go. I let go of the false friendship I had and I let go of my mind. I thought I was finally getting better. I was wrong I was just getting worse. I couldn't even trust myself. I couldn't even trust my mind. My own mind didn't even have my trust. Everything sounded crazy but I guess I was crazy.

This must be been what insanity felt like.