Quiet Backstage: A Series of Lippa Oneshots

(You Won't Find) Jesus in LA

Inspired by the Alec Benjamin song by the same name

Natalie's P.O.V.

I anxiously tapped my foot against the tile of the bathroom floor as my head spun with thoughts.

Mom and dad had gone out for the evening. They were probably at some professional business meeting or something. Dad was working on another show after all.

It'd been a rough week for me. Mom and dad had basically isolated me away like Rapunzel in our Manhattan apartment ever since my...let's just call it a breakdown...after a meeting with an agency.

I'm sixteen years old, I don't know what they expected.

This wouldn't have been a problem if Dad would've just respected my privacy. If he didn't almost break in the bathroom door at three in the morning, and if Meg didn't freak out and call my dad from my own phone, I wouldn't be here.

What would you have done at sixteen when a casting director for one of the biggest talent agencies in the country said that you seemed to, "not have inherited your parent's good genes", and that you'd need to "lengthen" before returning for another interview?

You probably would've done the same thing I did; walked the eight miles back home, because you knew taking a cab would be safer, find sneaky ways to avoid a few meals that were a little on the unhealthy side (at least Tobi appreciated it), but then subsequently accidentally stopped eating lunch at school, accidentally got lightheaded in gym class, accidentally made your best friend panic, and now you're here.

At least, that's what I did.

It wasn't until Dad heard me coughing as he almost broke the key trying to unlock the bathroom door, when we hit our lowest.

It was stupid, I should've just been okay with the fact that I'm a teenager and teenagers have midnight snacks all the time.

But I couldn't be okay with it, because I'm a performing teenager. I'm stuck in an industry that is all about looks. I can't afford to have a midnight snack.

Now I'm back on that same bathroom tile. I just finished the dinner Mom left me like the angel she is. Though I have been hearing whisperings of Mom researching "places to take me". I can't improve as an actress from a room in an insane asylum.

I sighed, staring at the toilet beside me. Nat, this is the last time, got it? I thought to myself as I lifted the lid of the toilet, taking a breath as I sat myself up on my knees.

I reached over to the cabinet, reaching farther for a one of those toothbrushes you get all the time at the dentist, but I froze when I saw a note.

Hi, Nat. It breaks my heart knowing you'll see this letter under these circumstances. You and I both know what you're in this cabinet for. Call me when you see this. I don't care what the hell I'm doing. Call me, and I'm coming home.

We both love you, Natalie.

Love,
Mom and Dad x

I nodded to myself, slowly shutting the cabinet. I stood up, shakily walking to my room to dial my dad's phone number.

"Dad?" I asked. "I found your letter."

~~~~~

"Natalie Maye!" I heard Dad's voice echo through our apartment. I heard his footsteps bolting up the small flight of stairs as he came into my room.

He didn't speak when the door opened and revealed me simply strumming at my guitar, searching for some form of a distraction. He quickly wrapped me in a hug, Mom coming behind him and doing the same.

"Dad?" I asked gently.

"Yes, Love? What is it?" He knelt down in front of my bed as if I was little again and I was sick.

I snuck an anxious glance towards my mom, who came and sat beside me, rubbing my back.

"I want to go to L.A." I stated. "I don't think New York is going to make it happen for me."

I watched Dad sit back on his heels, putting his head in his hands.

Oh no. I've upset him, haven't I?

"Nat..." He started. "I know what you're looking for, but you're not going to find Jesus in L.A."

I frowned, not really sure if he got what I meant. I was going to respond, but he kept talking.

"And I'm not talking Jesus, Jesus. I mean, that too, but I mean you're looking to be found and saved and brought up in this industry. Neither New York or L.A. can give that to you until you can give it to yourself."

"You're going to take the love you think you deserve." Mom began. "And right now, you're going to accept any love you get. One guy in a suit will sell you a dream now, as you're young and beautiful, and then screw you over later. We just want you to make wise decisions in this industry. You can't just take the first deal and first sight of confidence you see."

"Your mother's right, Natalie." Dad came and sat on the other side of me. "And for the record, I think New York is going to make it happen for you. And I also think New York is waiting for you to love yourself first."

~~~~~

Aw family Lippa x