BFR Critiques Entry (B.C.E)

His Eternal Muse

Title: His Eternal Muse
Author: BiblioWrites
Reviewed by: FanminsClub

Grammatical construction: 9/10

Good, sometimes sentences are a bit awkward: "Of course, I must say though...". Here is the less awkward version: "Though I must say...." The 'of course' isn't needed and if you leave it there, well, it makes the phrase weird when reading it. Keep in mind that this not the only sentence with such awkward construction, so be careful next time.

Grammar mistakes: 7/10

Most of the time your grammar is good, but you tend to switch between past tense and present tense in one sentence or two: "I respect...... symbolizes..." So the verbs here are conjugated in present tense, while the next sentence: "But it was..." is written in past tense, which makes your paragraph sound weird. You should establish a time during which the story takes place; is the narrator living the story as we read it (in that case, use present tense) or has the narrator already lived the events (past tense)?
That aside, there are verbs conjugated incorrectly: "Shawn and I were happened..." or others added when they shouldn't be there: "I could hear groups of girls in every corner, are talking...." Here, the 'are' isn't needed.

Easily Understood: 9/10

The plot is simple, almost cliché, and that makes it rather easy to grasp. It is mostly flat, with some interesting parts here and there of course, so the reader doesn't get lost in action. Also, everything is explained and presented in a way that makes anyone able to understand every situation found in the book. However, poor grammar plays a big role in making some sentences impossible to read, thus subtracting a total of one point from your original mark.

Use of Vocabulary: 8/10

Not bad. Your story lacks more profound words and there are some typos here and there. I recommend searching for more interesting words as flat and simple expressions might bore the reader out.

Use of punctuation marks: 8/10

Most of the time, I'll find a period at the end of an interrogative sentence. Fix that and your story will flourish in this category for sure.

Portrait of the story in the title of book: 8/10

His Eternal Muse is an interesting title; it attracts the potential reader well. However, I do not think it's fully appropriate to the story and it's characters. 'Muse' as a noun "means a person — especially a woman — who is a source of artistic inspiration" (Source: Vocabulary.com). You're basically implying that Katrina is Shawn's source of artistic inspiration (as far as we can guess). However, in the book, it seems that Shawn is Katrina's muse, not the other way around. Also, the story itself is more centred around a 'hate you love you' kind of relationship, not the infatuation of some boy with his ex-best friend. Perhaps it's only because the story is ongoing, but I still think choosing a more adapted title would be a modification.

Character development: 9/10

Katrina Jones is the epitome of rich, slightly boring, heart-broken almost-nerd. Literally. She hates Valentines Day (the hidden meaning being love), is a topper at her school, rather rich, and is so very clearly heart-broken. At first, we can see her still mourning her lost chance at being in a relationship with Shawn. However, as we progress further into the story, we realise that she is moving on. Slowly, but still moving on. It can be portrayed by her change of hairstyle for example. As for our dear Shawn, he is portrayed as the heartthrob playboy ready to snatch your heart when you're not watching. And of course, like every playboy, he isn't really like that. Luckily, he gradually "grows out of it" as he interacts with Katrina more and more, until he (hopefully) becomes a gentleman. Finally, the other characters are introduced nicely but don't go through much change.

Lessons gained: 9/10

Don't assume love. By this, I mean don't assume relationships right off the bat. That's a good lesson for Shawn, as he thinks Katrina and Leo are having a thing. Clearly he was probably so broken and jealous because next thing he went and chose himself a "perfect" Valentine date. Katrina is heartbroken. I think most of it could've been avoided if Shawn hadn't assumed like that, especially since Kat was starting to slowly get aware that maybe she did have feelings for him after all.

Conclusion:

I liked this book. It's a bit cliché but what do you want? Cliches can be good. My main complaint here is that reading your story isn't very enjoyable if you think about grammar etc., as it has mistakes here and there. Apart from that, the plot's cool. I got so worked up at the fact Katrina was like "Note the intelligence" during the flashback after she stated a fact though. I kind of don't enjoy who she was when she was ten.

Score: 67/80

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