BFR Critiques Entry (B.C.E)

Salvation

Title: Salvation
Written by: DoctorQueensAnatomy
Reviewed by: FanminsClub

Grammatical construction: 10/10

Perfect grammatical construction, honestly wow.

Grammar errors: 10/10

Haven't spotted any.

Easily understood: 9/10

Yeah, it is. The Epilogue might be confusing but is explained at the end and everything becomes crystal clear once again. I just have one question: I understood at the end that Rami got reincarnated after the kiss he gave Lucy, but since it happens in the middle of the book, it had me confused; was Lucy dead? Was Rami a ghost only she could see? What had happened? I thought that you could give some kind of hint regarding them, as it had me thinking for a while. Or maybe it was just me being stupid and not understanding anything. As for the plot, it's simple and somewhat static, the reader doesn't get lost in the details.

Use of Vocabulary: 8/10

Good words, but I do have to make a statement about repetition. It isn't frequent, but it's there, and that always manages to abruptly stop the flow I get lost in while reading. I've noticed a couple of times a word being repeated maybe one or two paragraphs away. For example, "... child..." was repeated twice, just like "quite literal" (an expression I've seen a lot throughout your book) and "dangerous pit of love", if listing those could help. I think you should research for synonyms, or antonyms, or anything to avoid repetition. Second concern: spelling! Yeah, spelling. Typos, to be exact. Near the end, the upper case 'B' of 'Ben' was forgotten, 'Joe' was written 'Jie' once, 'is' was spelled 'ie' and it perturbed me to a point I could not understand the sentence. It's minor, but I recommend fixing it nonetheless. Maybe try paying more attention while scanning through your chapters.

Punctuation marks: 9/10

Good, but sometimes not adapted or in the right place. I have to state that the little '-' you add before a detail in a sentence is actually wrong. I know, mind-blowing. The correct way would be, for example, "Ben liked Joe — well, loved him would be more exact — and was not afraid to show it." Just something you should look out for :)

Portrait of the story in the title of the book: 10/10

In my opinion, the ending is revealed in the title, but no one knows that before reading the book. After all, Ben all this time has been trying to save Joe and finally does; it's salvation, for Joe at least. So full points on that.

Character development: 8/10

Only Ben seems to go through real development; at first, he doesn't really feel anything. Then, as the story advances he discovers many things about life, he starts to feel and change. He isn't ignorant of human struggles anymore and learns how to love. However, Joe doesn't go through major change. He just kind of stays the same, depressive guy, until Ben comes of course, but even then there's no evolution. He is happy, but that's not development. Maybe he learns to overcome his depression but it's very briefly discussed. Other characters stay static throughout the story. Developing every character could be good, it's nice when they at least have a background explaining there actions. But then, your book was rather short (not that it's bad or anything) and the other highers were mostly decor, so it leaves Joe. Perhaps giving him something to grow off of would be good. And I still think he's a good character, he's probably just lacking a proper backstory.

Lessons gained: 10/10

The main lesson here would be: love also means sacrifice. Ben here is the perfect example of that. Indeed, he kisses Joe in hopes of gifting the man with a better (after)life, putting himself at risk, since he could die from that. Yet Ben didn't even think of the consequences and just went with it because, well, he loved Joe, although he hadn't realised yet. It's pretty clear in my eyes that love means sacrifice, every love story can tell you that just like life can, if you observe it. And since the book was about love (leading to salvation), to me that was the main lesson, the moral of the story.

Conclusion:

When I think of my favourite top ten Wattpad books I've read, Salvation tops the list for sure. For once I could enjoy the actual plot and all of it's twists without being heavily disgusted by grammar errors, terrible spelling and what not. Although, of course, this book does have some spelling mistakes, it's not a problem because they are compensated by great grammatical construction and good grammar. But if it wasn't too much of a problem for me, it could be for someone else, so better be careful next time :) As for the plot, it's simple and it does magic when it comes to captivating the reader. I really liked the fact that it discussed depression in such poetic ways (the garden and the roses instead of blood, knives and rasors), making it so much more powerful, important, I'd say. For once we experience an external point of view, lived by someone who can just sit and watch, not being able to help, and that's refreshing. Especially since it gives us a chance to relate to one of the characrers; Joe, the depressive guy, or Ben, the angel that can't really do anything apart from watch. I have nothing else to say, honestly, apart from great, so I'll just end it here.

Score: 74/80

THANK YOU