BFR Critiques Entry (B.C.E)

The Game

Written by: DeliriousDiamond

Reviewed by: FanminsClub

Grammatical construction: 10/10

Wonderful grammatical construction! Everything is well presented, the book well written. Sometimes sentences are a bit too short (you can basically connect two sentences to make a longer one) but if it's your style, then don't get rid of it.

Grammar errors: 10/10

I haven't seen any mistakes except one, that caught my eye (It almost slipped through my fingers honestly): "Not ever, until I got the body Zoe wanted." To make the sentence correct, you'd have to add a 'not' before 'until'. "Not ever, not until I got the body Zoe wanted." And apart from that I don't remember coming across grammar errors.

Easily understood: 10/10

Yes! The plot is simple, the reader is never really left in the dark. Although each character is ignorant of one or more things, the reader isn't, all thanks to the different POV's in the book.

Use of vocabulary: 9/10

Good vocabulary. Maybe not the deepest words, but I think it's not too much of a problem. I haven't seen any spelling mistakes. So my main complaint is plain words.

Punctuation marks: 10/10

No problems concerning that. Congrats.

Portrait of the story in the title of book: 10/10

Full points because we can see that from the very start. After all, everything started with The Game, so in my opinion the title is adapted.

Character development: 9/10

Zoe and Joey (that rhymes) go through some good character development. However, Simone, Ruth, Brody or everyone else stay the same. I think that Zoe's group of friends doesn't have a solid backstory, while Simone does. And a backstory is what explains the character, so I think you should work on that. Then again, it's ongoing, so perhaps you were planning on revealing everything later.

Lessons gained: 10/10

The lesson is the classic 'don't judge a book by it's cover' but directed towards humans. Zoe is called The Serpent, she's portrayed as the mean bully. But in reality, she's kind and loving, and lost her sister (her sister being in a 'vegetable' state). Joey is also supposed to be the boring, weak guy, but he's much more. He's a struggling teen, ex drug addict — or should I say relapsing drug addict — that is ready to forgive and see Zoe's good sides.

Conclusion:

I love this book so much! I really want to know the end >.< It's fun and things don't happen to early or too late; the timeline is well planned. The story is a bit cliché, since it's about the bully coming together with a 'normal' student, and that starting with a dare. But you've made such a good job at writing and planning the story out, that it doesn't even feel like a cliché anymore.

Score: 78/80

THANK YOU