conquer// 5SOS

17

Freya held an ice pack to her head, sitting in Ashton's office while Luke spoke with Michael. It was pounding even more, and she wanted to rip it off.

However, being on the familiar sofa with familiar smells and surroundings was more comforting that she could've imagined as she waited for Ashton to get her food. Her stomach had been grumbling at him all night.

"I'm afraid all that was left was some pasta, but I know you like that anyway,"

"Thankyou,"

"Can I take a look at your head?"

She took the ice pack off and took the food, lazily starting to eat as Ashton tenderly looked at her head. A knock on the head in her state could cause a bunch of hazards.

"I think you'll be okay. I'll come and wake you up 7am sharp tomorrow, yeah?"

"No," the girl said, smiling a little, "it's the weekend,"

"I do need you to see a doctor though, okay? And it's nothing to be embarrassed about,"

"Will you admit me here again?"

"For what reason?"

"I don't know, but I didn't know the first time round, did I?"

"I'm not planning on it, tonight is just precautionary,"

He couldn't tell if the girl wanted to be back.

"What am I withdrawing from?"

"When we choose your medication, it's calculated carefully because it changes chemicals in your brain. Now, it's been unbalanced, and it can feel really harsh. I don't know if you've been swapping pills with Luke either... I'm afraid it might kick in more,"

"Will Liz be in trouble for it?"

"I expect she will at least have to pay a fine. I'm not in charge of how it's handled,"

"I feel really sick, and I don't want to be sick,"

"You won't be. We've got some medication to help you through the transition, and make sure you and Luke get a good sleep,"

"I'm so glad I've got Luke,"

"And you've got Calum,"

"Mali is so nice, she took us to a cafe the day before my birthday and got us cake,"

"Yeah, she's really helped Calum, hasn't she? And you'll get to see him in uni,"

"We can eat together,"

"If your classes line up, of course you can,"

"I feel like you're being too calm for the situation, but maybe I am too. I'm just sat here eating pasta,"

She was definitely out of it, he thought. Just a little.

"I've got to stay calm. I'm more mad at myself than anything,"

"It's not your fault. Luke and I kept things in, and tried to resolve it ourselves,"

At that moment, there was a knock on the door, Michael and Luke walking in. Ashton stood up so that Luke could sit, Freya leaning into his side.

"You two have been through a lot, and we are so, so sorry. We will be open to any discussions whether it be fears, excitement or advice. Your first look at going back out wasn't the best, but we promise it will be this time round," Michael said.

"Will we make it for uni?"

"You should hopefully be ready for uni. Both of your are at a bad point because you've not slept or eaten well, so we will assess it tomorrow. Hopefully by uni, you'll be in a proper home,"

"Michael, please can I have some time alone?" Luke asked, "I'm just really upset about how things ended up,"

"We'll go and talk, it's not good to be alone,"

"No, please can I be alone. I'll write,"

"I'll take you to your room then. Freya is seeing the doctor, so I'll come back after that,"

Ashton took Freya's empty plate, while Michael took Luke to their room. He found a pen and paper, opening the bedroom window.

"Are you sure you'll be okay?"

"Yeah,"

Michael shut the door and made his way to the medical rooms, where he found Freya on the scales. She was frustrated that he had to be in here too, but she was also too exhausted to say no.

"It's not unhealthy, but she has lost weight. Ideally she'd be a few more pounds,"

"That's good then," Ashton smiled, Freya sitting down.

"Do I need a blood test?"

"Based on how you're feeling, it sounds like a bad idea," the doctor said, "but if it could pee in this cup, that would be great,"

"That's easier for you guys," she grumbled, going into the bathroom. Just like Luke, she valued the moment alone.

It let them both think, and let out the emotions, although one was sometimes more calm than the other. While Freya kicked the bathroom door, desperately hitting it with her fists as more sobs came out, Luke wrote a letter to his mum.

It wouldn't be sent, but it helped.

Dear mum,

Honestly?

I didn't feel loved. I didn't feel safe. I didn't feel happy.

I didn't feel like Luke, although who even is that anymore? I'm not the same person as I was before all of this happened, I won't ever be, and you couldn't accept that.

These same tensions are what pulled me apart the first time, and I'm... I'm glad I'm out.

Who I am now still needs support, and needs sensitivity and love. I didn't want to accept that but when I didn't get it, it hit me.

I have Freya now, Calum, Mali, Michael, Naomi and Ashton. I have more people than I did with the old me, and I know they'll treat me right.

The whole world was sugar coated for me, but I don't know if I can do that for you. This is a serious thing.

Perhaps I was naive for thinking we could go back to normal. Perhaps I was stupid for believing I could trust one of the people who's attitude put me in here

Or perhaps I wasn't, because you made a promise to look after me, and you didn't keep it.

And there's not many things I hate more than people who can't keep promises.