WASTE • Carl Grimes

Fifteen

My eyes linger on the darkness above me, fingers tangled together over my stomach as my head forces images of my past on the plain white canvas that is the ceiling, the voices in my head laughing at me.

Mom, dad, my friends and the rest of my family are hovering over one another around me as I laugh, watching everyone whilst listening to their horrible voices singing in union, cheering once I blow out the candles trashing the beautiful cake my mother and father had poured all their sweat and tears into, my heart instantly warming at the memory.

" happy birthday sweetheart, we love you so so so much "

My mother's oh so soft voice plays In my head as i watch her and dad hand me a box wrapped in orange wrapping paper, their grins wide when I smile back at them.

I'm about to unwrap my gift when I feel something wet run down my cheek, causing the canvas I had painted with my mind over me to go plain and dark once again, as if nothing had happened.

My mom and dad start to slowly fade before quickly turning into dust.

I keep my hands on my stomach, letting my tears run furiously over my cheeks and drip down my chin and onto the collar of my shirt, wetting the area.

Ever since Carl left, these tears wouldn't stop coming. It's like he had opened up a new door within me, an emotional one, one that hurts so much I feel like shutting it once again.

The day he had left I had shed a few tears, for the boy had grown on me and the way we left things off was nowhere near the way I imagined it would be, wrecking me.

Suddenly, I look back up at the ceiling that once had my family and I on it and stare at the face now adorning it.

Carl.

I see his face slowly forming on the plain canvas that is the ceiling, a smile adorning his lips while we sit on a roof and look up at the stars, laughing as we reveal our favorite memories to each other.

" my mom used to force feed us pancakes on Sundays so we can be that one family that eats pancakes on Sundays after church " Carl's voice echos in my head, a tear slipping out of my eye as I continue to watch the scene unfold over me.

" were they good? " my voice, one that I did not recognize, asks.

" they were horrible " Carl replies and we both erupt in laughter, jumping into a conversation about our families.

As much as I hate to admit it, i miss him.

I miss our small talks and the arguments we had, I miss it all.

The day Carl left, he told me that I was the closest thing to a best friend that he's ever had, and i remember feeling my heart soften at his words, knowing that he thought of me as more than just the girl he'd ran away with after his girlfriend was killed.

I might be his best friend, but he's even more important to me than he'll ever know.

He's the only person I've talked to, the only person I've interacted with without having to kill in the end.

He is my only friend.

Was. He was my only friend.

And now he's gone.

I shut my eyes and sigh, forcing myself to go to sleep for at least a few hours before I search for another place to raid for food and supplies, Carl and i's loud laughter being the only thing occupying my mind.

•••

Carl's p.o.v

She's so close yet so far.

I know that she's somewhere nearby, she can't have gone somewhere so far from here. i know what her strategy is and which houses she chooses to rest in for the night.

But I cant reach her, and I won't.

Luna has grown on me so much that I see her whenever I shut my eyes, her small yet visible smile always pasted on the back of my eyelids, haunting me.

I always catch myself staring at the front door as if she'd burst through it anytime soon.

The girl's shadow haunts me everywhere I go, and I cannot help but worry about her current situation.

Im aware of the fact that she's always been on her own before my sudden arrival, but knowing that she's out there on some dusty old bed in a house all by herself makes my anxiety peak at its finest.

Anyone could walk in on her while she's sleeping and do god knows what to her.

And I would never know about it.

But she's so goddamn stubborn I know nothing would ever convince her to come back here with me.

" penny for your thoughts? " a familiar soft voice drags me away from my thoughts about the girl, slightly scaring me.

I turn my head to the side and smile at Michonne as she makes her way towards my bed, my dad's shirt covering her bare body.

I quickly look away and act like I hadn't noticed, suddenly feeling like throwing everything I ate today up just at the thought of my dad and Michonne doing whatever the hell it is that they do.

She sits at the edge of my bed and perks an eyebrow up at me, to which I roll my eye.

" you smell like dad " I couldn't help but point out the evident and strong smell, scrunching my nose at her as she rolls her eyes at me.

" hello to you too " she replies and we both laugh.

" you okay? " Michonne suddenly questions once our laughter dies down and silence takes over.

I look away from her, my eye now drawn to the plain ceiling over my head as if something interesting has just been drawn on it.

" that girl again? " She asks in a knowing tone.

" I hate how it all went down when I was leaving " i Start before sitting up on my bed and looking back at Michonne, who's eyes are focused on me.

" I said things i didn't mean " I tell her and she shakes her head.

" I'm sure she knows that, Carl. from what you've told me about that girl, she sounds like someone that's understanding "

I miss having someone my age around, I miss the small talks we had and how she always knew how to make me smile even when the image of Enid's dead body appeared in my head.

" she helped me so much, Michonne, and I want to help her too " I sigh.

" by bringing her here? "

" it's safer than being out there all alone " I point out and she nods.

Michonne and I are quite for a few seconds, the air silent as the wind rushing in through my open window blows my hair out of my eye that I was too lazy to cover up, a familiar red wetness now running down my cheek.

I groan and roll my eye before grabbing a gauze pad off my nightstand, gently placing it over my eye that's currently bleeding.

Michonne stands up and rolls her eyes at me, smiling as she places my hat beside me on the bed.

" cover that up and meet me downstairs with a knife "

I furrow my eyebrows together and chuckle, the pad hovering over my bleeding eye now soaked in blood.

" who are we stabbing tonight? " I joke and she chuckles.

" walkers "