NSFW (MxM) ✓

• 17

Calvin

I stare at the man in the mirror. Why are you so nervous, I ask him. What's the big deal. He loves you!

It's so hard to understand why I'm afraid. I keep choking up. Weeks ago, I left work and went to the jeweler to put in my order. I bought Benjamin a ring. Not just any ring, no. I got him an engagement ring. I planned on proposing the night he was promoted to CFO. There was a party for it and everything, and it was so perfectly planned out. I even got the ring the day before, so it was like fate.

Then the doubt settled in. What if he's not ready? What if he isn't into me forever? I could just be his trial-run for the real thing. He's young, and marriage is a lot of pressure for him, I'm sure.

All bullshit. It's all my mind can come up with.

Then it was Christmas vacation. I was going to propose on the lake in our boat, if it weren't for Agatha watching us. I love her to death, but I'd like for it to be just the two of us. Then it was at the piano. After he played that song, I had my damn hand on the box in my pocket. I was cut off by the girls entering the room.

I thought about going for it while we danced alone, but instead, we ended up talking about a theoretical marriage, and it scared me right off the podium. It made me feel better, knowing he'd practically say yes to it, and he even wanted me to propose. But there was too much pressure at that point.

I brought him to the roof of the museum to do it there, but lots of factors ruined that. It was cold, loud and windy, and we were soon escorted off the premises for breaking the rules.

Finally, it was on the train. If I had been a few minutes quicker, I could've proposed to him before. I have Ben's hormones and horniness to blame for that, though I could never seriously blame his sex drive for anything.

That was the last straw. I want to marry this man. I want to propose to him and put that damn ring on his finger. So I'm going to. It isn't the ultimate romantic setting at all, but it's good enough. I know he'll be happy either way.

After I wash my face swiftly and dry it off, I open the door to the bedroom to see Ben passed out in the pillows, body sunken in and arms sticking up and out like he was falling. I smile, a bit downtrodden and a bit in adoration. I undress him and kiss his cheek, then lips. God, I'm so lucky to have you.

I toss my clothes off as well and use the remote to dim all the lights, pulling the sheets over us. I swim through pillows and find his body, hugging him from the side and caressing his soft, smooth chest.

"...Mmm. Love you, baby," he mutters in his sleep, a bit of Southern twang to it. The words warmed my heart, to be honest.

"I love you so much more."

• • •

Waking up in this house is always such a strange feeling. The room is so dark besides the aquarium glow, so it has a night club neon vibe to it, which is odd to see in the morning. Half of my chest is pressed to Ben's, our slight sweat gluing our skin together. I peel off of him gently and kiss his head.

After our heated evening together, I don't have a clue as to how I have raging morning wood right now. I disregard my primal urges to wake up my sleepyheaded man and force him to perform sexual favors on me, settling for heavy cuddling up against him. He's such a heavy sleeper, he would sleep through an earthquake. I've literally jerked off next to him once because he fell asleep before he returned the favor. Admittedly a low point, but not the lowest at least.

I snap out of my thoughts, remembering what woke me up in the first place. I grab my phone and notice Agatha had called me seven times. I pick up on the eighth as it rang in my palm.