Trust Issues | e.d

S E V E N T Y

"We should really talk Ethan."

"About?"

"You and I, everything."

For a moment, his expression is unreadable. His lips press together as he just looks at me before finally speaking up.

"No."

I furrow my brows together in confusion.

No? What the fuck do you mean 'no?'

"Ethan-"

"I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" He kisses me and then gets into the car before taking off.

Friday Night | 7:30 PM

We've been arguing in Ethan's room ever since we came back from school. The tension in his room was thick, I'd rather be anywhere than here but I need to fix this issue.

"Malia, understand that us 'talking' isn't helping as much as you think."

"Because you're not cooperating!" I cross my arms.

"The last time we talked-no, we yelled at each other the whole time. That last time, I found out shit I didn't think was even possible coming from you. That ended us for months, and the first thing you did was run to Luke."

"You left, you broke up with me."

"Malia, understand that every time I look at you, I see you and Luke together! I'm looking at you right now and all I can think of is you two together. How do you think I feel?"

I lean against the wall and bite the inside of my cheek as I shake my head.

"Then why are you even around me?"

I regret everything with Luke. If I could take it back I would, but I can't and that's something I'm going to have to live with. But blaming me for being with Luke when Ethan chose to break it off doesn't make this my full fault.

"Malia..." he sighs. He walks up to me and wraps his arms around me. I let him as I think about what he just said.

He looks at me and I stay looking down. He lifts my head up so that I'm looking at him and presses his lips against mine. Immediately, I kiss back.

We head towards the bed as he starts ripping off my clothes. I unbutton his jeans and he takes them off as he gets on top of me.

With no warning, he thrusts into me. Straight away, this feels different. It's not like the other times we've had sex. He's being aggressive with me, his nails are digging into my skin as his hands press down on my wrists while he thrusts into me. It's as if he's punishing me.

He let's go of my wrists and I bring them up to his back as I dig my nails into his skin as I try to get used to this new feeling that's more painful yet somehow still pleasurable.

I bite down on my lip trying to stop my screams but I just can't. I'm screaming in both pain and pleasure as I feel the aggression against my body.

My thighs are growing sore as minutes pass.

"E-" He shuts me up by pressing his lips against mine. His hands pressing against my neck, going down to my breasts, squeezing and flicking as he keeps going down the curves of my waist before he starts rubbing my clit.

I can feel the tension growing in my stomach, the sensation he was giving me, everything.

His eyes are closed as he thrusts in and out of me, light sweat on his forehead while his cheeks are tinted pink.

"I'm-" I don't even get the chance to say that I cum because it just happens right in that moment, but it's cut short when he pulls out. Ethan groans and pulls out as he relaxes for a minute.

We take a few minutes to compose ourselves again and I put my bra and underwear back on while he puts his boxers on.

It's quiet for a minute until I speak up again.

"You say that you can't look at me without seeing Luke, yet you just finished having sex."

"We had sex." He clears his throat and I shake my head.

"No, you had sex Ethan. You think I didn't notice the aggression, frustration and anger you just took out on me and made me feel?"

"No shit I'm angry and frustrated! What else do you expect me to be around you?"

"Since that's the reason, then why are you still around me if that's all you're gonna feel?"

"It's complicated Malia."

"No, it's not! Ethan, that we're doing things that couples do! I don't know if we're friends or if we're in a relationship, what are we? I can't be doing this anymore because this fucking hurts!" I say walking towards him.

"We're friends with benefits!" He finally yells and I sit down on his bed looking at the floor.

"So, we're back to the beginning when we first met." I say.

"No, we- I-" he sighs and I get up.

"And here I am trying to tell you that I'm fucking in love with you." He looks up at me with wide eyes.

"W-What?"

I laugh. "I finally figured out what it is that I feel about you and I'm trying to tell you but you don't give a fuck. Ethan, I'm in love with you! I've said it before but that doesn't compare to how I feel about you now. I didn't think it was even possible to care about someone so much. I see you and you're not just a want, you're a need. I've tried multiple times to forget you and I always end up back with you. I mean just look at us right now."

"Malia, I love you." I don't look up at him when he tells me that.

"But you're not ready to let go of the things that bother you and it's hurting us. We can't be together until you learn to accept what happened. I did, I know I regret that relationship with Luke, but I can't change it. One thing I don't regret is how it brought us back together in the end."

"I don't want to let you go though."

"You're not, but you need time to think things through. How are we going to get through life together once high school ends? We're practically adults. We graduate in a month, I'll be turning 18 while you're going on 19. We can't keep doing this."

"Malia."

"Come talk to me when you're ready. We did the friends with benefits thing, look where it got us. We ended up falling for each other while you had a girlfriend that you cheated on and I let it happen. I got in between a relationship, I went against everything I believed in. We kept our relationship a secret from the fucking world, my relationship with my dad went to shit, my mom and her shit family made it worse for us, your crazy ass ex that is obsessed with you teamed up with people who I thought were my friends and had them stab me in the back this whole time while she sent her 'buddies' to rape me in the back on the school. I'm not saying this is your fault, what I'm saying is that our 'little' deal blew up in our faces and fucked us over. We got more negatives than positives from the whole thing. I don't know about you, but I'm tired. I'm tired of having to hide you and our relationship or whatever the fuck it is that we have. I want to start new, but I can't do that because a relationship involves two people and requires attention to both of the people involved."

I start putting on my clothes and I pick up my backpack.

"Take the time you need, Prom is in 4 weeks and I'd like to go with you and heads up...I'd like to spend senior activities with you and graduate with you."

Author's Note: YALL THOUGHT I WAS GONNA TAKE A WHILE DIDNT YOU?!

Honestly what did you guys think of this chapter? I honestly really like it but that's just me.

Until Next Time, PEACE! ✌🏻💚💙💜