My stepbrother and I

[chapter 5]

"Love you too, mum see you later. I'll come visit you." I tell her and hang up.

Two weeks are more than over and my mum is still here. Though she is getting way worse as the days pass. I am just happy that she is still here. And today I am gonna visit her. Yay.

Well, all these days nothing exciting happened. Kevin and I are fine and I've not spoken to Patrick ever since that kiss. It's better this way. 

'I need an easy friend, I do...with an ear to lend, I do...think you fit this shoe , I do...won't you have a clue...I'll take advantage while...you hang me out to dry....but I can't see you every night....I can't see you every noght..... free' and just as I am listening to Nirvana my phone rings.

"Yeah?" I speak.

"It's me, Ellie." Madison says.

"Oh, what do you want now." I say pretending to be annoyed, though I am happy that she called.

"Wanna go for a walk later on?" she offers.

"Nah, I'm gonna go visit my mum." I reply.

"After that?" 

"Okay, I'll come by your house when I finish." I say.

"See ya then, then." she hangs up.

Well, I am going to be busy the whole day. That is just nice. And also it will add to my exhaustion these days. But I can handle it, right?

Right.

 ' I'm so happy...cause today I found my friends....they're in my head, I'm so ugly, but that's okay cause so are you...we broke our mirrors...sunday morning is everyday for all I care...and I'm not scared....light my candles, in a daze...cause I found God...Yeah, Yeah, Yeah.' next song comes on by Nirvana. One of my favourites. Lithium.

Well I should probably get downstairs now cause my father is alone and I don't want him to be alone. You know. I want him to know that I always support him and always am here for him and I always will even after my mum's ugh....ugh....you know!

I jog down taking the stairs two at a time. I enter the kitchen where I find my dad sipping from his coffee and reading his newspaper.

"Daad." I whisper-yell.

"Oh my- you scared the hell out of me." he says and then broke into a fit of laughter. My dad and I always spoke openly to each other. We even swear sometimes. Not to each other of course.

I take a seat hext to him after I kiss his cheek first. Well, I'm totally okay with my dad now. I guess Anne is only a friend of his. Nothing more.

"So, what are your plans for today?" he asks.

"Visit mum, go out with Mad." I say boringly.

"You should consult your grammar if you want to learn how to speak correctly." he jockes and I roll my eyes.

"You understood though." 

"Of course." he smiles.

"What about your plans?" I ask him.

"Nothing, Anne is coming over so that we continue with the project. Is that okay?" he asks me.

"Yeah, pretty ok with that." I say.

"Check your grammar again" and with that he leaves the kitchen to go upstairs. I go to my room as well and sit on my bed. I put my headphones on and take out my copy of 'The Fault In Our Stars' to read.

After an hour or so I'll go to my mum so I have plenty of time to read.

***

The door bursts open to reveal a tear-eyed and a confused-sad-maybe angry-and ubelievably brockenhearted dad.

What the hell happened?

Oh no! It can't be!

"Ellie.."

"No! No no no no!" I say.

"They just called me." I am devastated.

I didn't even have the time to say a proper goodbye to her. Not even the chance to tell her how much I love her and how much I'll miss her. Not even a last chance to see her.

I run towards my dad who embraces me on a tight hug. I sob hard in his chest and soon enough we are both crying our eyes out. 

"The funeral is tomorrow." he says and his words cut my heart in so many pieces that it will be hard for me to glue them together ever again.

"I didn't even have the chance to tell her how much I love her, dad." I sob harder.

"She knows that baby" I dad comforts me.

"Life is such a bitch." I scream.

"I know." he agrees.

After I cry till I have no more tears to shed, I decide to go out. I need air. I am suffocating in this room.

Not having a single clue on where to go I just walk alone in the silence. I cancel with Madison as well. I told her everything and she wanted to come over and be there for me these hard hours but I just want to be alone. 

One hour passed? Two hours? Three? I don't even know. I am sobbing and walking to nowhere when I bump into someone.

"Watch where you're going ass." I yell and when I see who I am yelling at, I am frozen. 

Patrick.

"Sorry." he says.

"Were you crying?" no shit smartass. My eyes are bloodshot.

"Why do you even care?" 

"What happened?" he asks concerned.

"She died. That's what happened." I snap. The words taste like venom when I say them. After I found out about the news I became impassive and cruel towards everyone. 

But he doesn't back away from my somewhat cruel respond to him. He does the exact opposite. He throws his arms around me in a bone crashing hug.