My stepbrother and I

[chapter 15]

And that's how your life can be destroyed. Someone writes down some words for you and when you read them, suddenly you can't be the same you you were your whole life. If that makes any sense.

"What happened?" An extremely panicked Patrick asks me.

I'm not sure but I think maybe I woke him up by screaming. Oops.

Nice time for auto sarcasm Adams. Yay.

I can't respond to him , though. I think that I lost my voice. I can't utter a single word.

"Ellie please talk to me." He touches my cheek with his left hand and turns me to face him.

I just stand there staring at him and doing nothing. What can i do? I blink a few times and a tear falls down my cheek.

"Ellie. You are scaring the hell out of me." He says and then looks at my hands and notices the letter I am holding.

He takes it from my hands and he starts reading out loud.

No no no.

"Noooooo! Please don't don't read it I can't listen to it. I just can't ." and then more tears flow down.

"Okay okay. What is it? What is it in here that upsets you so much.?" He asks.

I don't speak.

"Ellie."

Not a single word.

"Do you want me to leave?"

Do I really? No! I want him to stay and comfort me. In that moment I forget all about my hatred for him. After all he didn't do anything. Anne did. And my dad did.

My dad.

Who is not actually my dad. More tears are streaming down my face as I keep thinking about what I have just read.

"No" my voice comes out as a whisper.

"What can I do?" He looks concerned.

"Hug me?" I ask and break down in tears yet again while he wraps his arms around me.

I have to talk with my dad. Well the person I called my dad my whole life. But I also have to talk with Eddie as well. But at this moment all I want is to disappear from earth's face.

Patrick keeps saying soothing words and he keeps me in his arms for I don't know how long.
I am the one who breaks our hug.

"I'm sorry Patrick." I tell him.

"What are you sorry about?'' He asks confused.

"For the way I treated you."

"No worries." He speaks sincerely.

"I hate my life."

"Want to talk about it? Maybe it will make you feel better." He offers.

"Read for yourself. I have to go somewhere. Please don't follow me. I'll be fine and I'll be back. If you want to leave its okay. If you want to stay that's okay too." I tell him and take his head between my hands and peck him on his lips before I get up in order to get dressed.

When I am finished I take my car keys, look at him one last time and leave the hut.

The hut that keeps so many secrets for my parents. And I am living in that place. And my mum acted like she knew nothing about who owned this place. It was her and Eddie all along.

I have to speak to him.

I get in my car and head to his house.

When I finally arrive I knock on his door continuously and when he opens I push him out of my way and enter his living room.

"I should keep an open mind huh?" I laugh so hard at what I am saying.

"You read it." He states.

"No shit smart ass." I keep laughing.

"If you are going to be a bitch and speak like that all the time, you'd better leave." He tells me.

"Okay sorry its just that my life is screwed up and I can't do anything to make things better."

"My life is screwed too. But its not my fault Ellie. I didn't know."

"I tried for years to reach for your mother but her parents shut me down."

"Where are they now? Do they even live? Now I get it. My mother was mad at them so that was why they didn't speak for years. Or maybe it was the other way around?"

"It was the other way around. I don't know but they shut her down as well. I don't know why. She did what they wanted. And she doesn't explain why they didn't speak to her after you were born. I'm so confused." Eddie says and sits down on a chair.

"I'm confused as hell." I speak.

"You know. I loved your mother. She was everything to me. And she still is. I never got past her. I couldn't move on with anyone else. And I wanted that child. That child. You. You were the proof of our love. But they took you away from me." A tear slides down his cheek.

"Eddie."

"I would do anything to hear you call me dad. But I'm asking too much. Your father is the man who raised you. What am I to you? A stranger."

"I can't do it." I look down.

I can't call him my dad. I just can't do it.

"It's okay. I get it."

"I'm sorry Eddie." And with that I leave.

Next destination is my house. I have to speak to my dad.

When I arrive I knock on the door and he opens.

He yawns and that is a sign that I have just woken him up but I had to.

"Ellie?"

"Dad." I break down in tears and fall into his arms. He hugs me tightly and closes the door behind us. He walks us to the living room and we sit down on the sofa.

"I get it you read the letter." He speaks.

"Dad I..."

"Shh baby. I still love you. Nothing has changed and it never will." He assures me.

"But today..you were so...you spoke to me like you didn't want anything to do with me." I tell him reffering to what happened with Patrick's incident with the inhaler.

"I know and I'm sorry for that. I was so mad and confused about the letter. My whole life was proven to be a lie. Please try to understand." He says and pulls me in another hug.

"I miss you dad."

"Or do you not want me to call you that way anymore? Maybe you will have other children. Your children. With Anne. Its okay I will understand." I tell him.

"You will always be my baby girl, my princess and if you stopped calling me dad I would go nuts." He says.

"I want you to move back here Ellie."

"I don't know. Maybe. I'll think about it and I'll come by tomorrow. But now I have to leave."

And with that I get up and leave. I get in my car and drive back to the hut. When I enter Patrick is pacing back and forth.

"You're still here." I say.

"Thank god you are back. After I read the letter I thought you would go and do something stupid." He says and takes me in his arms and starts kissing my forehead.

And look at us. Some days ago I hated his guts and now here I am letting him kiss me and that most crazy part about that? I want him to be here for me. I want him to hold me. To kiss me. And tell me everything will be fine. And that's exactly what he does.