My stepbrother and I

[chapter 29]

You know those times when reality strikes you and you realize you don't live alone in this world? Those times that you have to make a decision that is best for the greater good and not for yourself? Well this is one of those times. And I've taken my final decision. It's best if Patrick stays with Nicole.

"But..." He tries to speak but I cut him off.

"No buts." I say.

"Its over. Go back to Nicole." I tell him.

He stands up from the mattress and walks towards me. I lift my hand in the air to motion for him to stop.

"Get dressed and leave." I say.

"You can't do this." He insists.

"Its not only your decision Ellie. My opinion matters as well."

"I saw the hurt in your eyes Patrick. You care for this girl. You love her. I know it. I saw it." I look down.

"Yeah that's true. But I also love and care about you. You have to realize that." He says.

"I know Patrick but you can't have both. And it is unfair to ask you to stay with me. It is unfair for that girl. She loves you and I can't take you away from her. I won't do that to her. I just met her and she is a sweet girl and she did nothing to me yet here I am with her boyfriend. I made you cheat on her." I tell him.

"Its my fault too." He replies.

"So, go make up for it. What happened tonight won't happen ever again."

"And my decision is final." I add.

He gets dressed and I do the same. When we are finished he turns to look at me.

"Ellie. I don't want to leave you." he says.

"You have to. Kevin and I spoke and we are trying to work things out." I lie. Well half of it is true. I spoke with Kevin that night at the gym and I told him I'll think about us. But we didn't really said that we are trying  to work things out. Although that's what I should probably do.

"You forgave him?" He almost yells.

"I'm about to." I say.

"I can't believe you. You got back at him and yet here you are sleeping with me." He says with venom in his voice.

"You have a girlfriend that has no clue what you just did and you judge me? Seriously?" I say sarcastically.

"You forgave him. And you still slept with me. That's low Ellie." He doesn't pay much attention to what I said earlier.

"You are in no place to judge me."  I say.

"You little.." He doesn't finish.

"Please do finish your sentence."

"You don't deserve it. You don't deserve me. Go to Kevin." I says.

" Fine. And you go to Nicole."

"Oh don't worry. That what I'm about to do right now."

"But when he hurts you again don't even consider coming back to me." He adds.

"I would never come to you." I ensure him.

"Now get out." I yell.

And when he is gone I plop down on the mattress and scream at the top of my lungs.

Why am I so fucked up?

***
Apparently after screaming at the top of my lungs I fell asleep. Now I am wide awake and I don't know what to do with myself. I should call Nick. He is left alone in my dad's house with Patrick and I can't leave him alone there.

I should call him and tell him to move in with me in the hut. I need a friend now and Nick is that person. He always helps in every situation. He is always there to hear me out.

I snap out of my thoughts and dial his number.

He answers with the third ring.

"Where the hell are you?" He says annoyed.

"Woah, hello to you too bro." I say sarcastically.

"Answer my question." He insists.

"I am at the hut. And I called you to ask you to move in here. I'm not coming back there. At least not now." I tell him.

"Okay but I need you to come and get me. What happened Ellie?" He asks.

"I'll tell you when you come here. Get ready and I'll come now."

"Ok." He says and hangs up.

I don't have time to take a shower so I just leave the hut like a mess and make my way to my dad's home.

I take a look around me and observe everything in my path. The trees that line the side of the road and their leaves that tremble at the presence of the light breeze. I shiver.

The houses seem so quiet. Like nobody lives in there anymore. No cars are parked in the driveway.

Was it always like that? I can't remember. Was it always so quiet?

I used to be a fan of silence but now it bothers me. Because now the silence in addition to the emptiness I feel inside make me so sad. And I almost forgot that feeling.

But now sadness seems to be desperately trying to crawl it's way back.

And all of this why? Because of Patrick. Its seems so stupid to feel this way about just a boy but there is no way to stop it. I wish I had never met him. I wish my dad never remarried.

But what if I wish? What's done is done now and I am forced to live with this.

The thing is that I despised that boy so much and I wanted to make his life a living hell yet here I am now feeling the complete opposite.

I think I love this boy. But it's not right. It's wrong in so many ways.

Before I realize it I am outside of my father's house. I dial Nick's number.

"Yeah?" He answers.

"I am a outside waiting. Are you ready?" I ask.

"Yes. I'll be down in a minute. I should probably say goodbye." He says nervously.

"It's okay. Tell them a single goodbye and get out." I tell him and hang up.

I wait five minutes and finally he comes outside.

"Took you long enough." I say.

"Its not my fault. Richard was asking about you."

"What about me?" I ask.

"Why are you leaving again."

"For fucks sake. I am not leaving I just want my own space and that space is the hut." I explain.

"Yeah. Another thing you smart ass, don't forget that all your belongings are still at Richard's house." He says.

"Oh shit."

"I packed your shit as well don't worry. You can thank me later." I just noticed that he has not only his suitcase with him but he also carries mine.

"I noticed something was off in your voice when we spoke and I knew you wouldn't want to go in there and do it yourself so I did it for you." He adds.

"That's why I love you Nick."

"What happened last night between you and Patrick, Ellie?" He asks.

"I am so fucked Nick. I think I love him." I say and look down.

I am so totally fucked.