My stepbrother and I

[chapter 38]

I wake up sweating. Something heavy stops me from moving. I open my eyes and try to look around me. I see Patrick laid next to me. His arm draped around my waist. I try to move it but his hold gets stronger. Here we go. My back faces his chest so I try to move around and when I do, I take a moment to observe his gorgeous face.

Stop it Ellie.

I move closer and approach his ear.

One.

Two.

Three.

"Patrick wake up." I yell.

He immediately opens his eyes and jumps up from the bed.

"What the hell happened?" He asks confused.

"Nothing you were just making it really hard for me to breathe. You know..with your hand around my waist." I mumble.

"Oh." He says.

Then there is an uncomfortable silence in the room and I feel like I'm choking. I shouldn't be here right now. I forgave Kevin and I ended things with Patrick. I can't keep doing this. I should get him out of my mind and out of my life. But what he said last night still keeps echoing in my head.

I'll fight your demons away.

No! I can't go backwards I need to move forward with Kevin.

"Patrick. What you said last night was wrong. We can't continue going back and forth. We decided that we can't be together and that is the right thing for us to do."

"No Ellie, you've got it wrong here. You decided that we can't be together. You didn't even give me the chance to speak for myself. You're not the only one that hurts here Ellie. But the problem with you is that you never consider my feelings." He says harshly. My eyes widen in surprise but deep down I know that he is right. I'm selfish. I open my mouth to say something but he cuts me of.

"No, wait let me finish here. It's not only me that hurts. It's Richard also. Did you ever consider his feelings? How do you think he feels when the only thing you do is constantly leaving him? He found out he is not your real father and you keep leaving away from him instead of staying here with him to assure him that your still his child and you still love him. If you do. And not only Richard but Eddie as well. Have you ever considered his feelings? Let me tell you. No! I spoke to him. He came here one day to speak with Richard but he found me instead and he spoke to me. Where where you then? Oh please you were hiding in your own little bubble. He was here Ellie, he was devastated because his only child, you, didn't even want to try to act like he's her father. He was crying because you saw him as an old friend of your mother's and that's all. You're his only family and you push him away. How do you think he feels? Tell me Ellie."

By the end of his speech I'm in complete shock. I didn't even realise I am crying.

"I...I...I..You..You're right. I don't know what to say. I'm a selfish bitch." I say and drop to my knees. I cover my face in my hands and let the endless tears fall down. How could I be so selfish?

"Ellie." Patrick speaks. His voice is so low but I can feel it piercing right through my heart. I can feel him next to me. He wraps an arm around my shoulders but I push him away.

"Leave me alone. You said what you wanted to say." I say and a sob escapes my mouth.

"I didn't mean to make you feel bad but you need to know the truth Ellie."

My life is full of drama. I'm tired of it. I can't take anymore drama. Okay Patrick may be right but who thought about MY feelings. Richard wasn't there for me when my mum died. He just bought his new wife here and he forgot about what I was going through. Okay about Eddie everything Patrick said is right and I should try to make things right. As for Patrick? What are his true feelings? I don't even know. He never let's me in. He says he loves me and he wants to be with me but he does nothing about it. He is still with Nicole.