My stepbrother and I

[chapter 36]

I'm stuck looking at him. I don't move. However Peter has other plans for me when he makes a motion with his hands for me to go to him.

"Ellie, come here I need you for something." He tells me.

"O-okay." I speak and make my way to the front, where Patrick is.

"What?" I ask.

"Come closer." Peter says.

I bend on the counter and Peter comes closer.

"What happened? Why'd you stop dead on your trucks when you saw him? You stayed still for five whole minutes. You didn't even notice that you gave two new tables to serve." He whispers in my ear.

Five fucking minutes? Really?

I just take the glasses of water that Peter filled for me and take them to the two tables I have to serve. I take their orders and go back to Peter. Patrick is still watching me as I approach. I can't read the emotion behind his eyes. Oh those beautiful green  eyes. I could stare at them all day long. But I won't have the chance. I have to let him go. I know what I have to do yet it's so difficult for me to back away from him. I don't want to lose him. I want him to be a part of my life. No scratch that, I want him to be my life. But he won't.

I catch myself staring at him and he notices. I lower my eyes and give the orders to Peter. He watches us with cautious eyes.

"Hey." I manage to tell Patrick. More like choke. He just nods his head to acknowledge me and then he grabs his cup of coffee that Peter just now handed him. He places the money on the counter and leaves.

"Keep the change." He yells before exiting the door. And just like that I'm left staring at him leaving. And also I'm left staring at a piece of my heart sink to the floor. He didn't even speak to me! I just want to crawl in my bed and cry my eyes out. I'm such a girl!

"Hey." Peter snaps me out of my pathetic thoughts.

"Yeah?"

"Who was that douche?" He asks.

"Patrick." I say like it's the most obvious thing in the world and as if Peter was supposed to know who Patrick is.

"No shit smart ass. I mean how do you know him?" He asks.

"I...him and I...we..uhm..we had this thing..." I try to explain but words just don't come out of my mouth.

"I need to take the orders." I change the subject and he rolls his eyes while he places the two orders on my tray. When did he manage to make them? Am I so blind? Well me being unobserving is the least of my problems now. The bigger problem now is that I can't seem to process what happened and why I hurt so much. I expected him to be distant but I never expected that he won't even want to talk to me.

I serve both two tables and manage to smile at the people in front of me. Smiling just seem such a difficult task now. I just feel empty. And never did I ever thought that a single boy would be able to hold such a power over my feelings. But he is. And I hate him for that. I hate that I let him do this to me. I hate him for being so nice to me from the first time I met him. I hate him for replacing me with Nicole. I hate him that he didn't stop me when he could. I hate him for not speaking to me. I hate him for being him. I hate him because he makes me love him. I hate him.

I walk back to the counter and place the tray on top of it.

"Ellie? I saw the hurt in your eyes. He must be someone important to you." He says.

"He is more than someone important. He is everything." I blurt out and when I realize what I did I cover my mouth with my hands. I just blurted out what I feel to a stranger. Well he is my coworker but I still don't know him.

"Please don't be ashamed. Feel free to talk to me. Everyone has issues and everyone needs someone to talk to. I'd be more than happy to be that someone. I have issues as well. Please talk to me. I'll be here whenever you need me." He says. He is so open. He doesn't even know me and he still wants to help me. I could use a friend right know.

"I don't want to talk about it." I say.

"Okay I won't push you." He smiles and I try to smile back at him but I can't. Its just difficult for my to stretch my lips upwards and form a smile.

***

It's five pm now and its time for me to leave. My shift is over. Things after my encounter with Patrick went in a blur. I just don't remember much. I served everyone right, tried to manage a smile, I got paid from each table, and that's pretty much it.

Peter offered to take me home but I refused. I need to walk. I need to clear my head. And now I'm in the park at the end of the road that leads to my hut. I sit on a bench and the cool breeze brushes my hair in all sorts of different directions. I'm sure by the time I get home my hair will be nothing but knots. But I don't care.

By phone vibrates in my pocket. I see the caller ID but I don't recognize the number. I pick it up.

"Ellie?" A familiar voice sounds at the end of the line.

Is that Madison? Oh my god. Madison! I forgot all about her. How could I? I was supposed to go by her house the day after I got back from Greece. I was going to go to her house to surprise her but I never went. So she isn't supposed to know I'm back. Who told her? How could I forget to meet my best friend. I missed her so much yet I didn't do anything about it. And I just feel like crap now. My heart aches. How could I be so stupid?

"Madison?" Tears have already started to run down my cheeks. I just missed her so much and hearing the sound of her voice after so long has me on edge.

"Are you crying?" She asks concerned and I know that she has furrowed her eyebrows even though I can't see her.

"Madison!" Her name is the only thing I can say.

"Ellie you scare me. Are you alright?" She asks.

"Oh Mad." Is all I say.

"Elly where are you?" She asks.

"The park. Down the road to my hut." I say. I need to see  her. Its been so long. I'm a terrible friend.

I hate myself. How could I not call her earlier? Not once. I forgot all about her. Once again I put my problems on top and forget all about the people who have been by my side through hell and back. It's just so unfair for them. I'm a huge fuck up. First Eddie. Then Madison. The world is a cruel place. Or maybe its just me. I'm the cruel one and I hurt the people who love me the most.

Madison seems to have hang up the phone.

I stare blankly in front of me. Tears still running down my face. I stare at the swings and I see how they dance back and forth due to the cold air. I shiver. Goose bumps appear on my skin and I feel so cold. And its not from the air. I couldn't care less. I feel cold on the inside. Like something stopped working. My heart probably.

I just stare at the swings. Back and forth. Back and forth. I am reminded of a time when I was a little girl and my mum used to swing me on those very swings. And I kept yelling 'higher mommy. I want to touch the sky'. I remember it like it was just yesterday. More tears stream down my face.

I get up and walk towards the swings. I touch the chains first and then the seat the leather swing seat. That very seat that held me and made me go higher with each push from my mum. I sit down and the emotions come rushing in. My head is filled with memories. I hold my head in my hands and a strangled sob comes out of my mouth. And more tears follow.

"Ellie is that you?" Madison. She came. She is here.

I turn and our eyes lock. And guess what. More tears run down my face. And she runs. She runs to me and wraps her arms around me. and I sob harder.

"Ellie what happened? Are you okay?" She asks full of concern. I feel so worthless right now.

I've done nothing but forget her and yet here she is holding me in her arms and asking me if I am okay. I don't deserve her.

"No." I say in between sobs.

"Is there something I can do to make you feel better?"

"Please. Just push the swing. Help me touch the sky." I say.