Hurting.
Nothing's permanent. All of these things will just go away in time. I knew that I was going to die, I knew that they didn't want me to if I did. If the past changes, the future won't probably be the same. I looked at my phone, there were sixty missed calls and eighty-seven unread messages from those three.
I bit my lip. I decided to go back to the hotel and try to confront them about whatever I know and what I discovered. But I realized that it's not that easy to do it. Baka hayaan ko nalang sila, and wait for the very day and time where I'm supposed to pass away and enter the gates of heaven.
Napatingin ako sa hotel na nasa harapan ko. I took a deep breath and went inside. Turns out that everyone was looking for me. Akala nila kung ano na nangyari sakin. They thought that the time of my death would suddenly advance today. Well, jokes on them, it did not.
At that time, I regret not going home early like they expected me to. It became a faint image in my mind-- their faces, their expressions. One thing that I captured was Kayden's. His eyes will always be different. It just seemed like he really did felt worried for me but not as a person or a girl in his eyes.
He had the same expression from the beginning. Tuwing tinignan niya ako, it's always the same. In my debut, I knew that something was off. His stares, his smiles, lahat. Too bad that I didn't notice it from the start.
Too bad I didn't notice that he was already in love with Denisse.
***
I broke my own heart. It just really went into me. I thought I was going to chase after him, but I don't really know what was I feeling. Kung infatuation lang kasi kilala ko siya, o baka crush lang kasi wala lang talaga akong nahanap na papalit sa kanya. I was torn between three choices, and I knew that ekis na agad yung 'love'
Kayden and Denisse were doing something on their laptop, Brent was playing with his phone. Kung sakaling mabuhay ako, I was scared of the future that was going to change. If they had children, they might not really exist in an instant.
Denisse's phone vibrated. Nang tinignan niya iyon, I can see her looking at Kayden with questioning eyes. Umiwas ako ng tingin at hindi sila pinansin.
Night came, Brett and Kayden went to their rooms, Denisse got up and told me that she was just gonna take a bath. I just nodded at her as I began tucking myself in bed. Gusto kong matulog, I was still thinking of something that I'm planning and still planning to do.
Minutes passed and I can hear the doorknob turning. Mabilisan kong tinakpan ang aking katawan at nagkonwari paring natutulog. Tomorrow is the day, they were just not bringing it up.
I heard a knock on the door. It was not that loud but I knew someone's waiting outside. I felt someone staring at me, alam kong si Denisse 'yon kaya mas lalo kong minabuti yung pagpapanggap kong natutulog ako. Good thing she really thought I was.
"What are you going to talk about?" She asked.
"Something." My heart ached. It was Kaydens's voice. "Is she sleeping?" Tanong niya.
My pillow got unusually wet. It was quite strange of me, being affected too much. My mind was filled with jealousy and hate. I wanted to ask what else they were hiding from. Gusto kong malaman and lahat.
Maybe this wasn't really happening. Baka naglagay lang sila ng drug para maisip ko and lahat ng 'to. I don't know what's the truth or any other things. Alam kong pinatunayan na nela, that what they were saying was actually true, but the thing is, I don't really know
The lights suddenly went off as I heard the door closing. Agad-agad akong nagsuot ng tsinelas at inayos yung kama ko. I made sure that there was a pillow underneath if ever Brett checks my bed.
Lumabas ako ng room at nakita ko silang naglalakad ng tahimik. I followed them all the way up to the rooftop, from where I first saw them together.
No one talked. They were just standing , holding onto the railings. I hid myself at the same place, since I knew they wouldn't see me.
"When tomorrow changes, would we ever see them again?" I heard Kayden speaking. Nalito pa ako sa sinabi niya. I thought-
"We can, from time to time." Denisse answered. "As long as she's saved, we can."
"What if, they won't exist anymore now that the future has changed?"
I doubted myself. I wanted to think other things rather than what I was thinking right now. I'm not a slow person, I can take in everything people say depending on the situation. But right now, pinapangarap ko na sana ang slow ko makagets ng mga bagay-bagay.
They wouldn't-- no.
"In the frst place, hindi dapat sila nandon." She said. "Cruel but, kung buhay pa si Catty noon, you would've married her."
Napatakip ako ng bibig. I closed my eyes and ran away. I didn't want to listen anymore to them. They had-- they had children. I don't want to be selfish or what, but this is what I really feel, nothing would change it.
I couldn't see anything. Tears were forming in my eyes. I began to run to where I feel like going. Hindi ko alam, I couldn't find myself anymore, I couldn't take all the things I've heard.
Nakaramdam ako ng sakit nang tumama ang aking ulo sa matigas na bagay. I looked up and saw that someone who knew the truth and knew what was really going on.
"Brett." I muttered, still teary eyed. Hindi ko makita yung ekspresyon niya kaya hindi ko alam kung ano iniisip niya.
I gasped as he took me in and hugged me in his arms. That warmth that made me cry even harder.
"Sshh.... I'm here." He rubbed my back. "Use me if you want to, baby."
Gusto ko siyang sapakin by calling me like that, but no matter how hard I cry, he comforted me, even though I was hurting this much.
YOU ARE READING
Endless You
General Fiction[Youth#1] When you feel love for the first time, you'll never know what to do. There wasn't the word 'right' neither the word 'wrong'. You would just scream between pillows and cry on someone's shoulder because you felt it. For the very first time...
