rich & sad ↣ joshler ✓

39. Trying

"Hi," Tyler whispered back.

Josh just looked at him for a moment, not speaking. Then, he realized he had to explain himself. "I uh, got caught up with work and lost track of time," he swallowed. "I'm here now though."

Tyler stared at him with his cute doe eyes. He looked like he was seeing a ghost. "Sorry," he shook his head. "I just can't believe you came."

"Well," Josh replied awkwardly. "I'm here."

Tyler gestured to the booth he was standing by. "Do you wanna sit down?" He asked softly.

Josh hated the way Tyler's tone made his heart melt.

"Uh, sure."

He walked over and slid into the other side of the booth. "So..." Tyler began. "I'm sorry. I know you read it in the letter and I said it like a million time when you found out but I figured I owe it to you to genuinely tell you in person. I am so sorry."

"Was I not good enough?" Josh asked, feeling his throat tighten. "Was I not good enough for you? I know you're the first guy I've been with and I'm not experienced in that department but was I really that boring for you?"

"No! Not at all!" Tyler's eyes widened. "This isn't your fault Josh. It's mine. It's my fault and my fault only. There want anything wrong with our relationship. On your end it was absolutely perfect. You treated me like royalty and I treated you like shit but that is not your fault.

"You broke my heart, Tyler," Josh told him. "What is wrong with you? You told me you knew cheating was bad. Why the fuck did you still do it?" He whisper yelled.

"I don't know. Josie told me she thinks I got scared that I was falling in love with you since I can't handle commitment so I sabotaged it. Maybe that's true but I think it's just me being like an actually evil person. I don't know what's wrong with me but I'm trying to change it."

"You—" Josh began but paused when he saw a stack of cards on the table by Tyler. "Are those note cards?"

Tyler glanced down at them and looked back at Josh, blushing. "Yeah. I didn't want to fuck up what I was gonna say because it's important to me that even if we don't get back together you still know that I'm sorry and none of this was your fault."

Josh wanted to cry. Tyler was really trying. His heart was telling him to pull Tyler in for a kiss right now but his brain was telling him to run. What if this was all part of a plan? What if he was trying to seem genuine just to lure Josh back in for his money?

"I know this isn't fair," Tyler began, swallowing. "But I really miss you. A lot. I hope you don't miss me though."

"What? Why not?" Josh asked, confused.

"Because I don't deserve your time or a second chance or anything. I wouldn't have blamed you if you didn't show up tonight."

Josh was starting to get frustrated. "God dammit!" He snapped. Tyler flinched at his tone and he saw a couple of other people in the diner staring at him. "Would you stop saying that shit? I'm obviously here because I wanted something, okay? I don't know if they were answers or if it was you or what but I'm here for something."

The wall that Tyler was putting up seemingly crumbled because tears filled his eyes and he put his head on top of his folded arms and bawled into the table. "I'm so fucking sorry," he sobbed out. "I'm so sorry, Josh."

Josh's face fell at the sight. He had never seen Tyler like this. "Ty..." he sighed. It was like the small pieces of his heart that began to mend themselves were breaking all over again upon seeing the person he was so hopelessly in love with in tears.

"I want you back," he continued. "I miss you so fucking bad it hurts me. I'm so sorry. I know I can't take back what I did and I know you won't be able to trust me but I want to move forward with you."

Josh watched him sit up and wipe his nose. He grabbed one of the napkins from the dispenser and dabbed under his eyes with it. It didn't matter though, mascara streaks were running down his face. He couldn't help it when he reached over the table and grabbed Tyler's hand.

The brunette froze and looked at Josh with hopeful eyes. "I know you don't trust me and you won't for a long time if we do get back together but I hope to change that over time. I-I'll get a job and I'll do everything myself and I won't go out anymore. I'll do whatever I need to to prove that I only want to be with you."

Josh's heart began to beat rapidly. He wanted so badly to chew Tyler out and to walk away forever but he knew he couldn't. He knew his heart wouldn't let him even if his brain would. His heart was winning this round.

"I love you," Josh told him. "I love you so much it's insane. But I don't know if it'll be worth it to get back together. I don't know if I can ever trust you again."

Tyler sniffled. "I know. If you don't want to be together I won't blame you and I'll fuck off forever. I promise. But I want you to know I'm making an effort to try and change. I'm really trying. This isn't me trying to hurt you again."

Josh sighed once more. "God dammit," he threw his head back when he felt tears gather in his eyes. He swallowed roughly. He looked back at Tyler. "I wish I could hate you but I can't. I love you so fucking much."

"I know you wish you could. I wish you could too," Tyler said quietly.

"One more chance," Josh told him sternly. "I'm not fucking around, Tyler. If you ever betray me again I will never even breathe in your direction again. Do you understand?"

Tears filled Tyler's eyes again and he nodded. "Yeah. 100 percent."

"I'm not gonna trust you right away either. You're gonna have to earn that."

"I know," Tyler agreed. "I wouldn't expect anything else."

"Good," Josh finished. "Now come here. I missed you," he got out and stood up, holding his arms out.

Tyler looked like he was about to explode with happiness when he slid out of the booth as well, embracing Josh tightly.

The two stayed like that for a minute before pulling back. Josh looked Tyler in the eyes and saw the younger glance down at his lips, before biting his own in hesitation. He really was changing. The old Tyler would have pounced any minute.

Josh took the liberty of bringing his lips to Tyler's, kissing him softly. Tyler melted into it and kissed back. It was sweet and gentle.

Once they pulled back they rested their forehead together. "Thank you," Tyler whispered.

"You're lucky you're cute," Josh teased, kissing him again.