rich & sad ↣ joshler ✓

33. Scared

Tyler sat in his car, dried tears sticking to his face. He glanced up at the building in front of him. It was the last place he had to go.

He got out and made his way towards the door, internally cringing when the bell above it rang to signal someone was there. It was so loud and crisp compared to the silence he had been so used to since he left Josh's apartment.

"Hey we're cloe— oh hey, Ty. What's up? You okay?"

Tyler looked at Josie who was wiping down booth tables and as soon as they made eye contact he let out a sob. "I fucked up, Josie. I fucked up so bad."

She set the rag down. "Hey, come here," she held her arms out. Tyler walked into them and buried his face into her shoulder, crying loudly into it.

The two stood like that for a few minutes. Josie rubbed Tyler's back while he blubbered into her shirt.

Eventually, he pulled back and wiped his nose, no doubt rubbing snot all over his face. "Let's go sit at the counter, okay? You can tell me what happened while I wipe counters down."

"Okay," Tyler nodded, his lip quivering.

They walked over to said area and Tyler sat on one of the stools while Josie went and got a sanitation bucket and the rag. She came over to Tyler and doused the rag, beginning to clean the counter. "Okay, what happened? How'd you fuck up?"

Tyler sniffle and leaned his head on his hand. "I messed up things with Josh."

"How? You guys seemed okay when you came in here the other day," she noted, confused.

"I don't think we were ever okay," he mumbled quietly. "Or at least on my part. It was never deep down okay."

"What did you do...?" Josie asked cautiously.

Tyler sighed and bit his lip anxiously, looking anywhere but her face. He felt so bad. He felt so, so bad.

"I cheated on him. Three times. He found out and dumped me."

He waited for Josie's response. He expected her to slap him or yell at him or even kick him out of her diner. All she did was speak. "Why?"

"Huh?"

"Why did you cheat on him?"

Tyler looked at her and her face was stern. He gulped. "I don't... I don't know," he replied honestly. "I don't know why I did."

"Do you not love him?"

Tyler took a shaky breath. "The only reason I tried to get with him in the beginning was because he has a lot of money. He was at the bar one night and Brendon saw his bank account. I tried to just sleep with him but realized I could get more out of it so I seduced him for his money.

"It worked. I got him to realize he was gay and we started to spend a lot of time together. He never once mistreated me," Tyler sniffled. "And I guess along the way I fell in love with him. He said he loved me for the first time a couple weeks ago and I lied and told him I loved him back just so he wouldn't dump me but...

"Sitting here right now, after everything that just happened, is making me realize how much I'm hurting without him. I thought I had him wrapped around my finger but I guess I was wrapped around his."

Josie was silent as he talked. She wasn't even cleaning anymore, just staring at Tyler disappointedly. "You did a lot of awful things," she said finally. "Like genuinely terrible things."

"I know," Tyler whispered. "I guess I didn't realize the severity of everything until tonight. Brendon and I got into a fight over it but I guess it took Josh dumping me for me to open my eyes."

"Tyler this isn't like you," Josie told him softly. "This isn't the Tyler I know."

"What?"

"I've known you since you were nine. You didn't get like this until right before you moved out. No offense, but why do you feel the need to whore around?"

Tyler looked at her. "I don't know. I mean I started acting like I do about halfway through high school I guess. I was tired of my family being so poor— because that happens when your dad leaves your mom alone with four kids —and I guess I felt putting out would make people like me. But then Josh came along..." he sighed. "He didn't care."

"No, he didn't," Josie confirmed. "I think you got scared."

"You do?"

"Mhm. I think you realized you were falling in love with Josh and commitment scares you so you sabotaged your relationship. I'm not saying anything you did was okay, because it wasn't, but I just think someone loved you unconditionally for the first time since your mom and you panicked because that didn't end well. The last time you spoke was when you got into that argument about you having a sugar daddy junior year and then hiding it so you could keep things all to yourself. You left and moved in with Brendon and that was it," she paused. "Come to think of it you're terrible at resolving things."

"Thanks," he deadpanned.

"What are you gonna do about Josh?"

"I don't think there's anything I can do," Tyler told her honestly. "He hates me. As he should. I betrayed him."

"I don't know what to tell you then," Josie spoke. "Maybe give it a few days and see if he reaches out."

"Okay," Tyler nodded. "He's not the only person I have to fix a relationship with though," he sighed, picking at his thumb cuticle. He glanced at his nails and realized he needed to get them done. He had no idea how the hell was going to do that. "Brendon's pissed at me too."

"Brendon'll get over it. He loves you too much not to. I say give him a few days too though. And then you can try to talk things out."

"I don't wanna be this way anymore, Josie," he whispered, his eyes filling with tears. "I drove away the one person who truly loved me and I loved back."

"You can't change yourself in a day, Ty," she reminded. "But you can work on little things at a time. I don't think you're an evil person. I don't. I just think you have issues you need to work through. You probably need to start by going to sleep though. You can't fix yourself when you're half awake. You look exhausted."

"I don't have anywhere to stay," he admitted.

"As much as I'm disappointed in you, I'm not gonna make you sleep on the streets. I still have clothes you left at my place you can change into and I have extra stuff you can use. You can stay with me for a few days while things blow over."

Tyler looked at her and he smiled softly. "Thanks, Josie."

"Of course, Ty."