Tell Me Who?

Chapter 18

I still can't find myself to go inside my house. This house is no longer my home nor a safe place for me. The memories I lived here with them, are still vivid.

My mom changed a lot of things by the look of it. This room is no longer packed with my things. My desktop computer and tv are gone. The posters and photos are also no longer visible.

Every time I come back, it's worst for me to be here. This place used to be my protection from pain. I lived here most of the time all by myself.

My life has changed so much this past year and I didn't even stop to realize it. This is too much for me, I wonder if I will be able to sleep here.

The clock says it's almost 2 am, and I can't sleep. My mom didn't stay here tonight. She has been staying with my grandpa these past weeks. He's been sick and she is the only one that can take care of him.

This makes me think, maybe I can go back to my old habits. I can be the old anti-social Logan. The Logan that didn't have heartbreaks or traveled across the world.

...............................

2 weeks after,

Christmas is around the corner and everyone is going crazy. Well, my mom is preparing everything with my aunts for once. She says I should really spend it with them this year. But every year is the same, and I really just want to be alone.

Every year, I lock myself in my room and watch the Grinch. For me is the best way to spend it. There are no people nor hypocrisy around.

My sister invited me too but I rejected her invite. I love that she always understands my reasons. I'm not ready yet and I haven't slept in weeks.

We are grocery shopping and I can't stand being here. H-E-B happens to be extremely packed. And the songs they are playing happen to be the worst. Last Christmas, is the most annoying song ever and more for people like me. If you had your heart broken then you understand.

I'm so glad I met Tyler on the night of New Year's Eve. If it had been Christmas, this song would be our anthem. I actually haven't even heard our song. The song by Brett Eldredge, I still remember that day:

I remember he asked, "Can...I...stay for a little bit." And I told him yes and he got on my computer. He played, The Long Way by Brett Eldredge and I can still remember the words:

"So if you don't

mind I'd like to

know you better."

And I never did get to know him, the real him. He showed me the real him when it was too late. That was our biggest mistake, we let time passed by and it made things worst.

We would have been together if had told me the truth. He never told me how he really felt. Our relationship was a lie but somehow there was love in it.

I love him and I'm pretty sure he loved me. The problem is now he's gone and I'm here. I got so many questions but I'm afraid of the answers. His uncle asked me if I wanted to write to him. But I told him no, I'm waiting for the opportunity to see him in person.

Something inside me tells me, he will come back way more sooner than later.