In Real Life ✓

43. Hold My Beer, I Got This

I was inching closer and closer to the two arguing siblings, contemplating whether I should break up the fight or not, when Felicia told her brother, "Don't you dare compare me to that bitch!"

"You're just as bad as her. You're lifting your skirt for every single guy you lay eyes on," he snarled at her, mimicking the act as he spoke, "and it's fucking disgusti—"

"Shut up!" she screeched, cheeks burning red. "That is not true!"

The murmurs that started all around us said otherwise and I groaned to myself. Felicia wasn't exactly painting a good picture of herself here. Why were they having this conversation at school anyway? Had she just told him, or had it been an accident? Oh well. Whatever caused it, I know I said I wouldn't help her, but I was too nice to leave and let her fuck this up.

"Alright, let's calm down, shall we?" I called out, holding up my hands to get everyone's attention. "Hi, hello, everyone, might I add something?"

Felicia looked way too relieved to see me.

"Oh, look who it is," Thomas scoffed. "Felicia's new best friend, DukeCockroach."

"Excuse me? We are not friends, and I don't know what that tone is supposed to mean, but you better shut the fuck up before I dropkick you into permanent silence. You two are fucking embarrassing yourself," I hissed at them, before turning around to address the others, only to see a teacher working her way through the crowd.

"Nothing to see here, folks!" I said quickly. "Go home and feed your fish or something."

The teacher looked around in confusion when everyone started walking away with disappointed sighs, and I quickly turned to Thomas and Felicia before they could start again. I could tell Thomas had many things left to say. "Let's talk about this somewhere else, okay?"

Ash put a hand on Thomas's shoulder, "Dude, come on. Let's get out of here."

He grunted and started walking away, so I followed him and gestured at Felicia and Ash to come, too. I was originally planning on going home with Gilbert, but I guess I was going to resolve this issue between Felicia and her brother instead... What a blast.

I wasn't sure where Thomas was going until he made an abrupt right turn, disappearing into an empty hallway with super old classrooms that were supposed to be renovated, though it had been shut off for renovation for over four years now, so I wondered if it was ever going to happen, but I digress. It was the same hallway where I'd seen Felicia and Ash making out. (Oh, how I loved irony.) No one ever came here unless they wanted to do something stupid like smoke a blunt and then get caught by the security cameras. Other than that, security didn't really care if people went here. So I guess it was private enough to have this conversation.

Thomas sat down on the floor, back against the wall, and then put his head in his hands.

"Alright, talk," I said.

"Tom, it's really not what you think it is," Ash said.

"That's what she wants you to think," Thomas muttered into his palms.

Felicia dropped her bag on the floor with a groan. "No, it's not."

"Uh, do you need me or can I go?" I asked.

"No, wait, I—"

"You can go," Thomas said, interrupting Felicia. "This is none of your business."

"Okay," I said, shrugging.

"She already knows everything anyway," Felicia said, basically begging for me to stay. "I asked her for advice and everything. She told me to... tell you."

"Not like this," I mumbled, right before Thomas threw his hands up and exclaimed, "Yeah, and you couldn't even do that! Ash fucking told me, didn't he?"

Shit.

"Okay, well, I'll just give you guys my two cents and then I'll go," I said. "I don't know what's going on between Felicia and Ash exactly, but I do know this. A while ago, Felicia was harassing my boyfriend, so when I found out that she and Ash were dating or whatever, I basically told her that what she was doing was... Well, it was fucking stupid."

Felicia looked down with darkening cheeks.

"Ever since then, she has left my boyfriend alone and I haven't seen or heard of her talking to any other boys. In fact, a few days ago, she told me she likes Ash. So I don't think you have anything to worry about."

Thomas still didn't look convinced. "Okay, but why on earth would you date her, Ash?"

"I'm standing right here," Felicia said.

"I know," he replied with a stone cold voice, not even looking away from Ash, who stammered something unintelligible. "Dude, seriously? Why?"

Ash threw his head back and replied, "I don't know! I just like her, okay?"

"Why?"

"For fuck's sake, Tom. I think your sister is hot and I like spending time with her. Sue me."

Questioning your taste in women, Ash, but alright.

"I'm not using Ash, okay?" Felicia said softly. "I really like him, Tom."

He got up and walked away, calling out over his shoulder, "Whatever."

When the door fell shut behind him, I said, "Well, that went better than I expected."

"Are you kidding? That was a disaster," Felicia replied.

I rolled my eyes. "That's why I told you to tell him before anyone else did."

"Sorry," Ash mumbled.

"It's okay," she said, before giving him a small smile. "We shouldn't have kept it a secret from him for this long anyway. He's your best friend and it really wasn't fair of me to ask that of you. It's better that he knows. But now the whole school thinks I'm slut... "

"You kind of are," he muttered.

I covered my mouth to keep myself from laughing, but I did anyway.

"Oh, fuck off, Eve," Felicia sighed.

"Forgive me, but I can't help but wonder. How did you two start dating anyway?" I asked, looking at Ash. "Like, no shade, but you should know better than anybody."

"Yeah, we, uh... hooked up," he said, awkwardly rubbing his neck. "You know, it happened. For no particular reason. And then it just kind of kept happening. To be fair, I didn't really expect anything because of her... reputation."

"I sincerely hope you don't have any STDs."

"Alright, thank you, Eve," Felicia said, grabbing her bag from the ground. "I have no STDs."

"You're very welcome," I replied, grinning. "Anyway, I have to go see my own boyfriend. Bye."