In Real Life ✓

6. One Does Not Simply Walk Into The Woods

Since there were still hours and hours of waiting left to do until it'd be light again, I eventually stood up and just started looking around the clearing. There was always something exhilarating about walking around in the dark. The air somehow smelled fresher. When my nose wasn't getting attacked by the wafts of weed, that is.

After Gilbert had taken his last drag, he asked, "Where are you going?"

"Nowhere. Just looking around."

"Nothing but trees to look at here."

"At least it's better than the empty space in my hand that belongs to my phone," I grumbled and kicked a branch.

"Hey, tell me about DukeCockroach."

"What do you want me to tell you?" I asked as I picked up a leaf that looked pretty, before dropping it to the floor at the sight of a giant insect on the back. Jesus fuck.

"How did you come up with the idea?" asked Gilbert.

"I don't know... I just made an account and started posting."

"That's it?"

"Well, I was pretty active. I was following, liking and retweeting stuff every single day. So people quickly started noticing me and thought I was funny. Before I knew it, I had millions of followers."

"What's the story behind the name? I've always wondered. Why a cockroach?"

"Honestly, it's just... a funny word. I'm not much of a fan of the nasty motherfuckers themselves."

"I can tell," he said with a nod towards where I'd dropped the leaf and I scowled at him. "I bet it's great to be famous, though. Everybody knows you and your jokes."

I shrugged and decided to sit down beside him again, since there wasn't all that much to look at. Like he said, it was just trees. And bugs. "Nobody knows who I am, though."

"Nobody at all? Doesn't your brother talk to you on Twitter? Or is that not your real brother or something?"

"No, he's my real brother. Only my family knows."

"And me."

"And you," I agreed with a sigh. "You know I'm serious about not telling anyone, right? No one can know."

He nodded. "No one will know. I promise. And I guess I owe you my secret now too, though it's definitely not as spectacular as yours. But still, it is a secret. And I won't tell anyone yours if you won't tell mine."

"Deal."

"My parents are lawyers."

"And you can't tell anyone this, because...?"

"Because there are some people out there that aren't happy with, uh... how things played out in court. You know, scary criminals and the like. Dangerous shit. If you get what I mean."

"Ohh... I see, I see."

He nodded and we fell silent again, simply leaning against the tree, listening to the sounds of the wind and animals around us, looking up at the dark sky, lit up by the moon that had moved but a few inches to the side since the last time I looked. A big cloud slowly crept closer to it and I started wondering if it was going to rain. That wouldn't be fun.

"We should keep searching," I said and Gilbert groaned, completely ignoring me as I got up and offered him a hand. With a sigh, I bent down to grab his wrists to pull him up, whether he wanted it or not. I wasn't going to get lost on my own!

"Come on! Let's see if we can still find the place. Or at least someplace we can stay dry if it starts to rain."

"Ugh, fine. You're a bossy woman."

"Get used to it."

He shrugged and went off in the direction of... wherever. So I followed him. I had just about as much of a sense of direction as a guy who was high on weed. Maybe even less.

And for about ten minutes, we simply walked side by side in complete silence, until he suddenly asked, "Where to?"

"Fuck if I know, Gilbert. That's the whole point of being lost."

He found this absolutely hilarious, though I had a feeling he'd have laughed a lot less hard if he wasn't high. He kicked a branch aside as he snickered to himself and said, "We're not going to find shit in here, though. It's just... trees and trees and more of the same fucking trees."

"Hey, look, it's a bush!"

The corners of his lips slowly curled up. "Cheeky."

"I try."

I felt something wet on my nose and I just about pissed my pants, because I thought it was some bird shitting on me, but then I realized, "Shit, it's raining."

"No, it's no—" He stopped mid-sentence as a drop fell on his forehead and scrunched up his nose. "Oh, well, I guess it is."

"Fucking great," I grumbled.

"Hey, look on the bright side, it can't get any worse than this."

Right after he stopped talking, something rumbled in the distance.

"Never mind."

"Let's try to find someplace without trees so we don't die."

Really, my dear, beloved school board, what a great idea!

We continued speed-walking through the woods, desperately hoping for a clearing of some sorts, the ground getting wetter with every step we took. Gilbert eventually started complaining that we'd been walking 'forever', which was kinda funny since we'd only been walking for a few minutes, but... same, honestly. I just rolled my eyes and plowed through a giant patch of bushes. The branches scratched at my wrists and my hair was sticking to the sides of my face, but I'd stopped caring. I just wanted to go home.

But then, finally... a light at the end of the tunnel.

"Can I somehow feel the effects of drugs just from standing too close to you or is that a building I see?"

He peered through the trees and said, "I don't know, but if it is, I doubt there's people from our school. This place looks abandoned."

Nevertheless, I hurried over to the dark block in the distance and found that it was indeed an empty, unused building, with broken windows and all. At least it looked a lot safer and dryer to be than outside, in the rain, thunderclouds creeping closer with every passing second.

Gilbert went over to the door and pushed it open with a loud creak, before announcing, "It's pretty much empty. Do you think there's food in here? I'm hungry."

I snorted. "I doubt it."