In Real Life ✓

30. Sorry Sir, This Is A Christian Server, So No Swearing

The days passed a lot faster than I'd hoped.

By the time Christmas came around, I'd pretty much worked myself into a sanatorium. I was about to explode from the stress. I knew I had everything arranged with Charlotte and all, but I was still scared of everything going wrong. And I had no idea how people would treat me the next time I walked into the school building. Would they still like me or even admire me... or would they hate me? I was hoping for the former, but I was definitely expecting the latter.

Trying to put the whole internet fame thing out of my head, I made my way downstairs, taking a whiff of the strong smell of food. As usual, my parents were concocting something... unusual.

I was not surprised to see the entire kitchen was pure chaos when I walked in. My parents loved cooking so much—they just had to make a whole feast every time the holidays came around, even if there was always way too much food. I wanted to take a look at what they were making instead, but the moment I touched the handle of the oven door, my mom let out an inhuman shriek and dragged my out of the room.

"Stay out, Eve! I don't want anyone putting their grubby little hands on anything before our guests get here! Speaking of, when is Gilbert coming?"

"In a few hours, Mom."

"What?! Dinner starts in two hours!"

The bell rang and I slipped out of her grasp before she could say anything else, opening the door to see my brother and his boyfriends. Dylan was wearing his long, dark hair in a braid for once, surprisingly, and Floyd was waving at me with a bright smile. Ever the cheery one. "Hi, Eve! Long time no see!"

"Come in."

Hugo stepped in behind them before enveloping me in an impossibly tight hug, quite possibly intentionally crushing my lungs. "Hey there, little sis. You didn't miss me too much, did you?"

"I didn't miss you at all," I choked out, desperately trying to get out of his chokehold. "I'd rather you stayed there in your smelly dorm."

"My dorm doesn't smell," he said, letting go of me right away with an offended look on his face. "Mason and I keep it very clean. Well... clean enough."

"But my dear Hugo, dorms smell by default. I thought you knew that. Has your nose been affected that much? Poor you..."

"Are the boys here?!" I heard Mom yell, before she came bursting in, her face lighting up at the sight of them. "Welcome, everyone! I hope you're hungry, because we have a lot of food for you guys, and I'll just shove it down your throats if you're not."

Dylan offered her a smile. "Good thing I am famished then."

"Oh, good!" She turned around to head back into the kitchen, while calling out, "Kurt, have you put the snacks in bowls yet?"

"Shit."

She gave me an an eye roll. "Men."

"Hey!" said Hugo. "I just got here and you're already giving indirect insults, Mom. What happened to the Christmas spirit?"

"Shoved it up your ass," I said.

Mom sighed. "Don't swear, Eve."

"Dad just swore."

"You should know not to see Dad as a role model," she told me. "In fact, you should know not to listen to anything he says or does, really."

Well then. Indeed, Hugo. You just arrived and we're already back to being the loving family we had always been... Never a rest. The parents continued their little argument in the kitchen, leaving us kids in the living room.

"Isn't Eve's boyfriend coming too?" Floyd asked.

"He is," Hugo replied.

"He's right there," I said, pointing at the empty couch.

"What."

"Jeez, you guys are slow," I laughed mockingly. "I made him up, of course! It was all a big joke. I'm surprised you fell for it."

Oh, I got these three beautiful stares right then. Gorgeous.

"You're not serious, right?" Dylan asked, one of his eyebrows raised. "I mean, I wouldn't put it past you, and I don't know what the guy looks like, but..."

"No, she sent me a picture," Hugo said. "Unless you've suddenly gotten really good at photoshop."

"No, I'm kidding. He's coming in a few minutes."

"You said he'd be here in a few hours earlier," Mom said as she came back in the room with a tray full of bowls in her hands.

"I lied."

"Don't lie."

"He'll be here in..." I looked at the clock in the corner of the living room to check the time and frowned. "Um... Ten minutes ago? Gimme a sec."

I went over to the hallway to call Gilbert and he picked up after a few rings. There were a lot of sounds in the background. Like, a lot. It sounded like he was in the process of falling down the stairs or something. What the hell was he doing?

"Hey, are you coming or what?"

"Uh, yeah, I was... uh..."

"You're not smoking weed, are you?" I hissed into the phone. "I don't want my parents to smell that shit."

"No, no, don't worry! Can't imagine it'd be a good idea to show up to your parents' Christmas dinner high as a kite. I just thought it'd be nice to... bring something, but it, uh... it exploded."

"What the fuck are you talking about."

"Never mind. I'll just... clean up the mess later, I guess. I'll be there in ten." He hung up before I could reply, leaving me wondering what on earth had... exploded.

Whatever. As long as it wasn't something that my parents could make a big deal out of, I didn't care. I shook my head and made my way back to the living room, announcing to my family that he was on his way. Hopefully.