Fault

Chapter 32

"Shauna, baby," he began. Tears fell down his cheeks, as he took my hand. "I know it's only been a short amount of time, but we've been through so much. No matter what has come our way we've always managed to work through our obstacles and grow from it. I am a better person because of you and ONLY you!"

"Yes!" Sierra shouted in the background. Everybody laughed.

"I love you more than words can say!" Jeremy continued. "...and I love Jamal equally because he is an extension of you and the love you bring to my life. The idea of starting a family and growing old with you is all I see for our future, and I hope you feel the same. You are nothing less than a Queen, and I would love to spend the rest of my life taking care of you and being your King. With that being said, nothing would make me happier than if you would accept this ring and be my wife. So...WILL YOU MARRY ME?"

I stared confoundedly at the ring. His speech was undeniably beautiful, yes, but the obvious answer was, no! It had only been about seven or eight months since we started dating, and each month was full of intractable drama. I had no desire to marry Jeremy in the near future, but the fact that he proposed in front of his family made things awkward.

"...yes?" I said, not wanting to cause a scene or embarrass him.

"Really!" He shouted, sealing the deed with a hug and kiss that nearly knocked us both over.

Everyone in the room appeared to be thrilled with the news except for me.

"How ghetto is this?" I thought to myself while forcing a smile. "He could've at least cleaned the ring before presenting it to me."

I didn't even bother asking Jeremy where he had gotten the ring from, but it appeared scratched, old, and not even worth describing. As he made several attempts to slip it on my finger, it wouldn't move past my middle knuckle. Honestly, with one look, even Stevie Wonder could've seen that it never would have fit. After handing it back, I suggested that he return it to his place of purchase to get it resized. He enthusiastically agreed, but now that I think of it, I actually never saw nor asked about the ring again!

* * * * * *

A week and a half had passed since the proposal and I did my best to forget that it ever was a thing.

 While returning from my doctor appointment, I couldn't help but look at Jeremy and think of how refreshing it was to be in such a healthy space in terms of our relationship. He was feeling excited regarding the confirmation of the pregnancy and did all he could to ensure my happiness and comfort at all times.

Meanwhile, in the back of my mind, the fact that the end of two weeks was approaching never escaped me. So overwhelmed with the idea of breaking the news to Jeremy, I reached out to Mone' for advice once he left for the evening. She was the only person who knew first hand what I was going through. Her advice was simple.

"Girl, just be 100% direct with him about your feelings and intentions. I know you never thought you'd have to make a choice like this, but here we are! You can't hide now. If you keep it, great, I'll have a new niece or nephew! But, if you decided not to, I totally understand. No matter how you slice it, it won't be easy."

"I know, I know! It's so hard!" I sobbed. "I barely can take care of myself and the child I have now. Like, I'm STRUGGLING, SIS! On top of that, Tionna and my mother would never understand how I got myself into the same situation as before. Yeah, there's adoption, but there's no way I could carry a child to the end, then give the baby away. Emotionally, I would lose my mind—SERIOUSLY! Like, they would have to admit me in a psych ward!"

"I hear you babes, but dragging all of this out will only make s**t harder for you both in the end. One thing you can lean on is the fact that you made it crystal clear from the beginning that you didn't want another child anytime soon. Now, if he can't accept that, then make him understand that it's YOUR body, YOUR choice. PERIOD!"

"You're right," I sniffled. "But, I don't even have money for an abortion, and I know damn well he's not giving me anything for it..."

"Call the County Hospital, sis. I'll find and send you the number. You can either use it or not, alright. I love you, Shi, and I'm always here for you. Now, go talk to your man."

After hanging up the phone, I made the difficult call to Jeremy as Mone' had suggested. Hearing the initial enthusiasm in his voice change to sorrow after delivering the news broke me completely. His position was clear and direct, just as mine had been to him.

"B***h, if you really decide to go through with killin' my baby, then I'm killin' you!" He threatened. 

The line went dead...