EPHEMERAL || BBH

The Thirty-Minute Distance ❁

"Baek," I called, expecting him to stop walking but he didn't.  "Baekhyun," I said once more, my voice almost broken but he still didn't budge.

I knew he heard me and I was certain he knew where this was going to lead. And it pains me even more to prolong this.

"Let's just..." I made my voice louder than usual and with one last breath, I closed my eyes and mouthed the words I'd been meaning to say. "Let's just end this while we still can."

He stopped on his feet right away and as if in slow motion, I watched him turn to me, looking undeniably taken aback by what I just said. He was holding my hand so tight that I struggled a bit to break free from him.

"What do you mean to end this while we still can?" He said in a low voice, his face slightly turning red. "I can't." He moved his head sideways. "No." He added defiantly.

"Baek-"

"No." His eyes were piercing through mine.

Unable to come up with a reply, I just closed my eyes, trying my best not to start crying again.

"Don't you trust me?" He asked all of a sudden.

I met his eyes for a second before I dared to answer.

"I do..." I replied in a weak voice. "I trust you-"

"Then maybe we can still work this out. I just need you to trust me. You know I love you and you love me too, right?" I could sense the desperation in his voice this time while his eyes were seemingly pleading.

I bit my lower lip.
I love him. God, I love this man so bad but ...

"Right?" He sounded pleading more than just asking.

He waited in my silence. He waited but I never dared to answer. If I tell him that I love him, it would make things way harder, if I tell him that I don't...he probably wouldn't believe me.

"My god Hae Won." He sighed gloomily.

My heart broke as I watched him close his eyes, take a deep breath, and bring his hands to his waist. I watched his every move, the twitching of his lips as he attempted to say something but didn't. His hair, as it gently sways every time the wind blows. His tensed shoulders as they slumped. Then he brought a hand to his face, his entire palm covering his both eyes for a brief second.

God, he's crying.
I saw a teardrop rolled down his cheek.
I wanted to break down.

I filled my lungs with air. I cannot bear looking at him in this state and the fact that I was the one to blame, made me feel worse. I was starting to cry again as my eyes watched him do the same thing. I heard him sniff before wiping his tears, his fingers meeting in the corners of his eyes. When he finally removed his hand from his face, he turned to stare at me.

"Please don't do this to me." He pleaded his voice just above a whisper.

He brought his hand to my face to caress my cheek but I looked away, leaving his delicate fingers tracing my jaw instead.

I wanted to give in to him so much. I wanted to just forget about my decision to free us both from this complicated situation. I wanted to just hug him and tell him I'm sorry for acting like crazy since we met this morning. I wanted to.

But then again, I knew that things would just get harder. More painful than it already was. This relationship would keep hurting me.

So, after a few moments of silence, I forced myself to move my head sideways.

"I'm sorry, Baekhyun." I bit my lip. "I'm sorry."

Seeing how heartbreak took over his face, my tears fell onto the ground right after I tilted my head down. I immediately took his jacket off of my shoulders and handed it to him before I hastily took the way up to the mountain, never looking back.